Frequency
by MArmas616
Summary: Bella and Edward are both new in Forks. They also realize they both share a unique gift. Read as they learn how to quiet the outside world inside their minds. AH, OOC, B/E Rated MA/NC-17 for language and explicit content.
1. Chapter 1 New Beginnings

BPOV

_"Oh God, I hate flying." _

_"Why did I have to sit by this stinky ass fatty?"_

_"I just want to run my hand up the skirt of that flight attendant." _

I took a deep breath to clear my mind. If I concentrate hard enough, they'll all just go away. I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the window. Slowly they started to fade and once again I was alone in silence. Most people hate silence. I adore it.

I opened my eyes and looked out at the clouds just below the wing of the charter plane I was flying in. I was on my way to live with my Dad Charlie. It was the day before my junior year of high school was to begin and I dreaded change. At least back in Arizona I had years of practice with tuning people out. Every time someone new arrived I had to learn how to tune them out as well. Now an entire new town has to be made silent. I shudder at the thought…literally.

"Please buckle your seat belts; we'll be making touch down at Quillayute Airport in about ten minutes. Thank you."

I closed my eyes again as their voices began immersing back into my mind.

"_Please don't crash; please don't crash."_

"_Finally some fresh air…ugh hasn't he ever heard of deodorant?"_

"_Shit, where's my pen? I need to give her my number."_

I found the switch again and turned it off. Breathing deeply, they began to fade. I could see the green trees below me. Everything below me was green, aside from the ocean that I could see just at the horizon. From here it looked like a beautiful deep blue.

Slowly we made our final descend and with a rocky touch down, we taxied our way to the ridiculously small airport. The flight attendant that some guy was hounding over opened the door and pulled a lever allowing the stairs to descend to the ground. I opened my backpack and replaced the book I started reading this morning while on my flight from Phoenix to Seattle, and finished it from Seattle to Forks.

I went to step out into the aisle and was rudely pushed by some guy who was in a hurry to leave; probably the one afraid of flying. I guess I could let it pass this time.

"Enjoy your stay in Forks, Washington," the flight attendant said as the four of us left the plane. I smiled sheepishly at her. "_Just fucking leave; I want to go get drunk. Oh joy another fucking number from another fucking dick."_ She smiled at the man in front of me; I was the last to leave. Not unusual really, I'd rather stand in the back away from people's faces. It's easier to block them out that way.

I turned on my cell phone and found I had one missed call from Charlie. I dialed the voice mail and listened to his message. "Bells, I'm waiting outside in the cruiser, you can't miss me. See you in a minute. I just saw your plane land. Okay bye." I pushed delete and hung up the phone. I walked to baggage claim and found my two suitcases. I didn't bring much with me, considering I really didn't have anything to bring. Most of my Arizona clothes would be pointless in Forks.

Forks Washington, I breathed in the clean fresh air as I walked outside the doors and saw Charlie walking toward me.

"Here, let me help you with that." Charlie grabbed one of the bags.

"Thanks." I said. "Good to be here finally." I swayed back and forth on my feet. Charlie and I really didn't know each other too well. I loved my Dad of course, but I was never the little girl who relied on her parents for everything. Renee, my Mom, always said I had an old spirit; what ever that meant. I don't pretend to understand Renee; she's always been somewhat flakey.

"Okay so that's it?" he asked looking around. I nodded and opened the passenger side door and buckled my seat belt.

"_Man it's good to have her here. I've missed her a lot. I wonder if she'll like the truck. It's old but sturdy. If not I guess I can figure out how to get her something more…hip." _

"So how was your flight?" Charlie never really looked at me. I'm glad too; he would have noticed a huge shit-eating grin on my face. I took some deep breaths again to find the switch.

"Uneventful," I answered "but, that's always a good thing when you're flying right?"

I watched as the tall Spruce trees touched the tip of the grey clouded sky. Typically by nature I like clouds. They hide the sun. This is good because I swear that I must be half albino. During the summers in Arizona I couldn't spend more than fifteen minutes outside at a time or I'd burn and walk around like a Maryland steamed crab. Renee never understood why I enjoyed going to Charlie's during the summers. She'd always say I need more sun, or my personal favorite, "You'll get rickets."

As we pulled up to Charlie's modest home, rain drops started to fall from the sky. Some might take this as an omen, me, I haven't seen rain – real rain, in almost a year. If I wasn't so introverted I would have played in mud puddles or tried to catch the rain on my tongue. Instead, I acted normal and helped Charlie with my suit cases and hurried to the old wooden porch. Charlie never locked his door so I walked right in. His theory was, why would someone break into the chief of police's house? I guess he had a point. In Phoenix that was unheard of.

I strained as I pulled my suit case up the stairs to my bedroom. It was exactly how I left it last time I was here. The yellow walls still had the crack in the corner, although now it was beginning to grow. My double bed was covered in a simple white sheet set, with an old blue comforter folded on top. The old; I do mean old, computer sat dusty on the desk against the wall. Yep it was home.

"I cleaned out some shelves in the bathroom for you," he stated as he lingered at the door after placing my larger suit case on the bed.

So there are some things I'll miss about living with Renee, one being my own bathroom. But for now that's the only one I can think of. It came as a slight shock when I asked Charlie if I could live with him. He didn't have a problem with it; he was just curious as to why I would want to live with him. Renee freaked out. Full blown toddler temper tantrum. I didn't lie to her per se about why I wanted to leave, but I did edit it…a lot. But it was for her own good and for mine as well.

"Thanks again. Ya know for letting me stay here." I began to unzip the larger bag.

"Bells, do you want to tell me now, why it is you wanted to come here so much?" he quizzed me from the door. I didn't want to talk about it to him really. Or anyone for that matter.

"I just got tired of taking care of Renee all the time." I'd given him the same reason I'd given Renee. "Besides, I'm seventeen and I've never lived with you." I didn't dare look at his face.

"_Umm, I didn't know she ever wanted to. Renee always said she would hate living up here. Fucking bitch, hope she rots in hell."_

"I'm going to finish up here and put some stuff away. Are you working tonight?" Breath, find it…there…switch...and silence.

"Nope, took off!" he sounded so proud. Charlie never took off work. "I thought we could go down to the diner for dinner, if you're not too tired," he raised his eyebrow at me. I could either stay inside with silence now that I have found Charlie's switch, or I could venture to the realm of chatter, noise, and cigarette smoke. I knew how much Charlie wanted to show me off. Show the town folks of Forks I was living with him now. I really couldn't stand to hurt his feelings so chatter, noise and cigarette smoke here I come.

"Sounds good," I smiled weakly at him, he nodded and walked out the door. I put the few pairs of jeans I did have into the old dresser that I've had since I can remember. Inside were jeans from last years visit. I put the new ones in with them, I figured I hadn't changed all that much in the past year, they probably still fit. I hung up a few sweaters and found Charlie had purchased a large brown jacket for me. I smiled to myself and tried it on. All and all it fit pretty well. Slightly big, but I really don't care. I put the now empty suit cases in the back of the closet and closed the door. I sat down in my bed and laid my head on the pillow. I looked up at the spackled ceiling, for the first time, I started to think about why I left and if it was right. I knew in my heart it was, but would Renee ever see that? Probably not.

In one of my bags I had packed some of my favorite books. Most of the classic stories, some more modern fiction, I placed the one I wanted to start reading now on top of the nightstand by my bed. I grabbed it and rolled over on my stomach and opened the worn pages. The reason I loved classic stories so much, is that back then, people knew how to write, how to put feelings on the page; it took blood, sweat and tears and true knowledge to write a book. Now authors have a keyboard and spell check.

Just as I was three chapters in, I heard a roaring sound from outside of the house. I bent the corners of the page and shut the book then shuffled my way downstairs. I briefly saw Charlie close the door behind me. I opened the door to see Charlie greeting his friend Billy Black. I knew Billy well. During the summers he'd always come over with fried fish to watch some sports game on T.V. Sadly he was in an accident a few years ago that left him in a wheelchair. He didn't seem to mind too much, he liked the good parking spots.

"Hey Billy," I waved from the porch as Billy's son helped him into his chair. I didn't recognize Jacob at first. He had grown taller and cut his hair. Once he saw me, though, his wide bright smile was so familiar. "Hey Jacob," I added as I looked down at my feet.

"_Wow she's so beautiful. I wonder…no way. I hope she likes the truck."_

"_It's good to have Bella around, now maybe she can talk Charlie into buying a big screen T.V."_

I closed my eyes and concentrated on their voices. Slowly I found it and they began to fade. It wasn't like with Charlie. Over the years I have found Charlie's frequency switch. Kinda like pushing the mute button. With others I don't know well, it's more like turning the volume down. Problem is I have no control on when the volume goes back up. But if I spent enough time with them, I would learn their switch too.

"So do you like it?" Charlie was standing at the bottom of the steps, helping Jacob bring Billy on the porch. The rain was still falling softly to the ground. I already guessed that was the truck Charlie was thinking about earlier. But he didn't know, so I wasn't going to ever mention it.

"Like what?" I pretended.

"The truck," he stated the obvious. "I bought it for you." He smiled showing his teeth under his heavy mustache.

"You did?" I acted surprised and as he was up on the final step I gave him a hug. "I love it; thank you." I think my affectionate display took us both back. We never had that bond really. Sure, hugs when I was leaving for the rest of the winter, but usually that was about it. He knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me, so we didn't have the need to share it or display it often.

"Yeah? Really?" he looked a bit confused as I pulled away from our awkward embrace.

"Yeah, it's sturdy." Not to mention the fact that I'd take anything if it meant not having to ride around in the police cruiser. I hate attention and that grabs attention.

"I rebuilt the engine for you," Jacob spoke up from behind me. He was shy like me. His head remained on his worn shoes. I smiled weakly at him. "Thanks," I said to him, my voice cracking a little bit.

We all walked inside the house and I went and grabbed Charlie and Billy a beer from the fridge. I offered a soda to Jacob but he declined.

"_I should talk to her. She probably thinks I'm a loser. She should smile more, her smile is so beautiful."_

This is the part I hated. Knowing people's more personal thoughts. So often it's creepy. I feel like some sort of perverted peeping tom. As a child I once spoke with to Renee about the voices in my head, she quickly took me a doctor who said I had schizophrenia and prescribed medication that made me violently sick. That was when I was ten. When I was thirteen, I went to her again; a different doctor told her I had multiple personality disorder and again the medication made me sick. Since then I haven't spoken of it to either Renee or Charlie. Only once has Charlie asked me about it. I lied and told him I didn't hear things anymore. That is when I began to learn to control it to an extent. Some people's frequency is too strong and they barge in without even knocking.

I looked at my watch and it was 5:30pm. "Umm…Dad, did you still want to go to dinner?" I asked during a commercial. He in turn looked down at his watch and stood up.

"You guys want to come?" Charlie asked Billy and Jacob. I could see Jacob's face light up slightly.

"Na, but can you guys drop us off back on the reservation?" Billy looked over his shoulder at Charlie.

"Sure thing," Charlie answered "Bella, why don't you take Jacob in the truck, he can give you a quick driving lesson, and I'll follow you with Billy in the cruiser." I felt my face flush and Jacob stood up to help his Dad.

"Sounds good, there are a few tricks to the old beast," Jacob smiled at me. Without my will, I somewhat smiled back.

Inside the faded red truck I struggled to keep Jacob silent. The inside smelled like mold and there was a faint smell of tobacco, but not cigarettes, more like pipe or cigar.

"You have to make sure the clutch is all the way to the floor before it will turn over. And if it doesn't start on the first try, pump the clutch a few times, it usually works." Jacob seemed in his environment. More comfortable. I pushed the clutch all the way down and my leg was almost too short; the engine started on the first turn. The sound was almost deafening. I cringed slightly - so much for inconspicuous.

"Is there a way to make it quieter?" I forced a smile.

"No not really," he chuckled softly then looked back down at his lap.

The gears grind a little bit as I pulled out of the driveway. I managed to make it all the way to Jacob's house without him invading my mind. Plus, the truck was still in one piece. I've never driven a stick shift before, but Jacob assured me that I would get the hang of it in no time. The drive back to the diner was, at least for me, a lot more comfortable.

Windows and walls blocked out other people in more ways than one. So I enjoyed time alone in my room or alone in a vehicle or alone period. Back in Arizona I didn't make friends. I had none. But if I was to be honest, I didn't mind that either. There was nothing worse than knowing what someone really thought about you inside their minds. People are cruel by nature, but very few people truly speak their mind, and that's probably a good thing.

I inhaled a cleansing breath to begin the relaxation process to help me turn the volume down. I pushed on the heavy truck door and exited the sanctuary of the old beast. The parking lot of the diner was full, and so was the diner. Charlie walked over to me and patted the hood of the truck.

"So whatcha think?" he asked smiling. I took notice that his crows feet are getting more pronounced than last year, so was the gray hair that tainted the temple area of his lush brown hair.

"I think it's loud," I answered honesty. His face frowned a bit, "but I really love it," I added so I wouldn't hurt his feelings.

"Good, come on lets get some food, I'm starving," he motioned for me to walk ahead of him. As we approached the door, I prepared myself for the assault. Charlie opened the door for me and bam…it was so loud and full that I couldn't make out one particular thought. They were all mumbled together, this always gave me an instant headache. I closed my eyes briefly and ran my fingers though my hair, grabbed some and gripped it tightly.

"Bells, you alright?" Charlie asked. I nodded yes, and followed him to a booth that was thankfully in the corner away from other people, kind of.

Once we sat down, I ordered water and began my process. I pretended to be looking at the menu as I looked down with closed eyes. Slowly they dulled to a low murmur. And finally it was quiet. Before, it took minutes for me to do that, now it was down to forty seconds. I truly hated this curse. It plagued my existence; it ruined any chance I had at a normal life. I couldn't have friends, I couldn't have boyfriends, and I couldn't even eat dinner with my Dad without it interrupting.

I ordered a salad and Charlie ordered a burger that must have taken an entire cow to make, sided with French fries and a glass of Coke. I vowed to myself right then that Charlie's eating habits were about to a take hit in the gut. No pun intended. We didn't talk during dinner. I was thankful, mostly because I really didn't have anything to say. He paid the bill and I followed him back to the house.

As I was driving the quick drive back, I allowed myself to think about why I truly left. It wasn't anything traumatic, but it was inevitable I suppose. I learned Renee's switch first. Obviously living with her was extremely frustrating. When caught off guard I would hear how sad she was to be alone, how she worried that I spent too much time alone, she worried a lot. Then she met her new husband Phil. I liked Phil at first, he was genuine to Renee and his feelings were pure. But one night he and Renee went out, they came back drunk, and it was shortly after he'd moved in so I didn't know his frequency, he didn't have a switch. I was still awake watching a movie, and his thoughts toward me were foul and disgusting. "_Look at her sitting there, I bet that is one tight ass pussy, if she wasn't Renee's daughter…" _I ran out of the room and locked myself inside my bedroom. The next day I called Charlie.

I stopped the thought process and turned the loud truck off as fast as humanly possible. Rain began to fall harder on the windshield. Charlie parked behind me and it took me by surprise when he opened the truck door and held an umbrella for me. We ran to the porch and I noticed how my feet were soaked. Another mental note was to get water proof shoes. Once inside I went to the kitchen to take inventory of what Charlie had. He didn't have much. Just the typical stuff: milk, eggs, bread…etc. So I found a pen and paper and wrote down the dinner list for the next week and added lunch meat for Charlie along with some healthy snacks he could take to work.

"Hey, I made a grocery list and I wanted to do the shopping tomorrow after school…"

"My card is in my wallet," he answered without looking up from the T.V.

"Thanks, I'm off to bed, see you in the morning." I dragged myself up the stairs and into my room. I pulled out some pajama pants and a tank top and padded off to the bathroom.

I turned the water on hot and allowed steam to fill the tiny bathroom. I entered flinching a little at the heat, than relaxed as it eased the muscles in my back. I washed my hair and shaved my legs, and as I was washing my body, the familiar twinge in my stomach appeared as the softness of my hands brushed my breast. That twinge would never be eased. At least not by a man. I rinsed the soap off my body and the conditioner out of my hair and exited the shower. After wrapping my long brown hair in a towel I dried my body then put on my warm welcoming pajamas.

I walked back to my room and laid out the blue comforter. I turned on my night lamp and snuggled underneath the sheets. I picked up my book and opened it to the folded page. If I couldn't be in a normal relationship, then I'd live through Scarlet O'Hara.

If only I didn't hear what people really thought of me. In Phoenix the girls were catty and rude. I didn't even pretend to like them, or pretend I wanted anything to do with them. Even the girls that were outcasts like me thought I was weird, strange, odd…anything along those lines. Only because before I understood what was going on, I would answer people's questions, even if they didn't speak them out loud. Boys liked to pick on me, by giving me vulgar gestures or knocking the books out of my hands. Nobody ever helped me.

I snapped myself out of memory lane and slammed my book back down on the night stand. I angrily turned the lamp off and sank lower in my bed.

"_Fuck you mind reading curse and the black horse you rode in on!"_

EPOV

I had my head hanging out the window of my bedroom. The cool morning air blew the smoke from my cigarette away from the window, thankfully. The last thing I need at 7:00 am is pappy busting in here giving me the lecture on how smoking is bad for your health, you're gonna get lung cancer, blah fucking blah. There was no way I was dragging my happy ass out of bed and to the dreadful first day of school with out a good nicotine buzz. I flicked the cigarette out the window then closed it. I walked over to my nightstand, grabbed the bottle of pills and popped three in my mouth. Nicotine and Valium, the breakfast of champions.

I went to the shower, jacked off, brushed my teeth, and got dressed ready for the not so lovely first day of my junior year. Christ two more years of this, I inwardly rolled my eyes. I had a light stubble on my face, but who cares. I couldn't care less really about how people saw me. It's not like I didn't know exactly what they thought already. People in this town suck big ass monkey balls. And I've only lived here for two months.

My pappy Carlisle is a retired surgeon. Why he couldn't retire in Florida like the rest of the rich population I have no clue. Something about not being materialistic or some shit like that. Whatever, the man was crazier than me. HA and that's saying something. My mother, Esme on the other hand was sweet, loving, smart, kind, the polar opposite of Carlisle. It's not that Carlisle is a prick or neglectful, or anything like that, he's just Carlisle. It's kinda like lima beans…nothing wrong with them per se but they're fucking gross.

Even the house that pappy bought is modest compared to the one we had in New York. Then again I suppose they did have houses like that here. Esme fell in love with this old two story Victorian house and had to have it. They are still renovating it. Why buy an old house for its "character" when you're just going to destroy it? That's a good way of looking at our relationship; they keep trying to change something in me that neither they nor I have any control over. So instead, I shut down emotionally. I stopped being the outgoing, funny, caring Edward and now I'm just the fuck you go away Edward. It was easier this way.

I lazily walked down the stairs into the make shift kitchen and grabbed a bowl of cereal.

"_Fuck I'm late. Wonder if Edward is out of bed." _

"In here," I answered Carlisle's question. I heard his foot steps quicken as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey I'm…"

"Running late," I raised and eyebrow at him as I shoved a spoon full of cereal in my mouth causing a little bit of milk to run out the corner of my mouth. Sneaky white shit.

"Yeah, are you ready to go? I can drop you off on my way to the hospital." Carlisle tossed his keys from hand to hand.

"Why did you retire if all you're doing is working?" I smirked at him

"_Because I can't stand to be here with your mother another second and if I do I might drown her and bury her body out back in the woods."_

"Edward, I like doing my job. Teaching is a great opportunity for me." He covered his true feelings.

"If you'd just give me my keys back, I can drive myself to school." I rinsed my bowl out and placed it in the new dishwasher.

"If you'd stop being a prick to your mother and me maybe I will," he noted. He turned and walked to the front door. I gave him the finger behind his back and picked up my bag and walked after him.

Fuck I missed my car. But pappy's was a pretty tight blacked out Mercedes. Still arriving at the new shithole school in style; it's early so whatever.

"Did you take your medication this morning?" he asked not so nonchalantly.

"Always do," I answered with a hint of resentment. That fucker didn't need to know that I loathed that shit. It didn't help any so why take it. Nothing helped.

"_Wonder if that cute intern is on duty today. Esme used to have an ass like hers. Fuck I hope Edward doesn't act out here."_

I gripped the black leather seats so tight I thought I would rip them. I closed my eyes and counted backwards from ten.

Ten, nine, eight…

"_We should order out tonight, the stove won't be here until tomorrow." _

Seven, six, five…

"_Crap did I remember my phone?"_

Four, three, two, one.

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. What I wouldn't give for a moment's silences around him. We pulled up to the school and I opened the door before he was at a complete stop. "I'll pick you up around three, okay?" he yelled before I slammed the door on him. I'm a prick yes, but he's the king of assholes.

As expected the school was still empty aside from teachers busying themselves around. I walked into the office and found the guidance counselors' office. I've been forced to check in with him every morning and have a "talk" every Monday. Basically he's my pseudo therapist. As if he could help.

I knocked on his door lightly and I heard him say come in. I ran my fingers through my hair and walked into the latest version of hell.

"Edward Cullen?" The man looked at his folder.

"Yep," I nodded my head.

"_Umm trauma, schizophrenia, he's taking Haldol…"_

I rolled my eyes. I hated this shit. I want my normal quiet mind back. What ever happen to me in that fucking accident screwed me up big time. I should have never gotten in the car, but I was drunk and not thinking right. Now I have this fucked up head and my best friend from New York is dead…happy seventeenth fucking birthday Edward.

"So are you nervous about today? Your father tells me you've been having a hard time adjusting to Forks." He rapped his pen on the table causing it to make an annoying clicking sound. I put my head in my hands and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"It's a major change, yes." Lets see New York City; alive, dangerous, fun, night clubs, hookers, homeless, subway and Forks, old people, outdoor store, deer, and a lot of fucking trees…yeah slight change. Did this guy get his degree out of a cereal box?

"Well here is your schedule and it's a small school so you shouldn't have a hard time navigating the map," he handed me the papers and I quickly left his office. Fucking cracker jack doctor.

"_Wow, he surely is good looking for a student. That must be the new doctor's son. Wonder if the good doc's married?"_

I ran out of the office and out the front doors. I needed some fresh air. I pushed past a few students walking in, but didn't care. I just looked down and walked quickly to the side of the building. I ran my fingers through my hair over and over again. A nervous habit I've always had. I hated it more now because every time I did I felt the scar on the back of my head. A constant reminder of the worst day of my life. I paced back and forth and finally took the smokes out of my pocket and lit one up. Ah heavenly nicotine. I inhaled the toxins again.

"_Stupid ass. Smoke, must go smoke."_

I feel you man I mentally sympathized with who ever I heard. Just then he turned the corner, ran right into me and he knocked the cigarette out of my hand.

"_Fucking fuck!"_

"Oh shit man sorry, I didn't know anyone was here." He reached in his pocket and pulled out some smokes handing me one.

"It's cool," I took the cigarette and lit it up, handing him my lighter.

"New kid huh?" he asked blowing the smoke away from me.

"_Poor mother fucker, I'd hate to be him. I'd kill to get the fuck out of here."_

"Yeah," I smirked a little at his comment. I felt the same way.

"I'm Jasper by the way," he took another drag.

"Edward," I answered with a nod and inhaling.

"Alright put that shit out, teacher arrival in thirty seconds," he said as he stepped on the butt, and leaving it there. I did the same and followed him around the corner. I'd be damned he's good; there she was marching toward us.

"_You got lucky this time Whitlock, but the school year is just beginning."_

Jasper and I are going to get along just fine. As long as he doesn't turn out to be some homo perv that wears chick's undies.

I found my first class no problem. I tried hard to dull the chaos inside my head to no prevail. One chick's voice stood out more, not a good thing; it was squeaky and annoying as fuck.

"_Christ oh mighty! After class I have to talk to him. I mean if Mike isn't going to pay attention to me this year, I have to move on right? He's so gorgeous. Look at that hair. And those ripped jeans and rugged shirt." _

I ran my fingers through my hair again and closed my eyes. Finally the Valium is starting to kick in so at least the voices are starting to blur. Once the bell rang I gathered my note pad and book and headed for my locker. I got half way out the door when I heard the shrill voice call my name.

"You're Edward right?" she asked bouncing up on her tippy toes. Her curly hair bounced like Shirley Temple. "_Look at that jaw…umm how I'd love to…"_

"Yeah," I blurted out to interrupt her from mentally fucking me.

She smiled widely at me and stuck her hand out "Jessica Stanley."

I shook her hand and turned and walked away. I opened my locker and shoved my book inside and headed off to find the closest bathroom. As I was walking in Jasper was walking out.

"Hey, man, not in there, Mr. Banner's a dick and waits there after every period," he pointed to the double doors that led to the cafeteria. We walked though and then walked out side to the side of the building we were earlier this morning. I leaned up against the wall and pulled out my smokes offering him one. We lit up and didn't say a fucking word. All though his thoughts were all about some chick he seemed obsessed with. We heard the bell ring and we flicked our cigarettes and I ran to my next class.

The day dragged on extremely slow; people were talking or thinking about the new kid; but they were also talking about not just me, but another new chick. I wouldn't know her if I saw her so fuck it. I was now headed off to fourth period Biology. Basically the marking of half way through this dull ass school day. I was the first one to walk in; the teacher wasn't even here yet. I took the moment to enjoy the silence inside my head. I hadn't had a moment's peace all day. Inside the classrooms I could hear every mother fucker there. In the hallways if they were in the same hall I could hear them, and outside if they were with in four feet of me, I could hear them. It seems to be easier outside. Like the fresh air helps cloud my mind. Yeah, I'm backwards as fuck I know. I sat in the back at one of the lab tables and put my head down, to soak in the peacefulness, that didn't last very fucking long.

"_Thank God only one person. This day blows. 11:00 great almost done. I should have brought aspirin with me, my head is throbbing. Where do I sit? I'll just sit in the back away from everyone else, just like normal." _

I looked up to see a girl looking down at her feet. A cover of brown hair formed a shield blocking her face from me. She held her books to her chest, hugging them as if they were precious gifts. I rolled my eyes and put my head back down. She began to mentally sing a song. I peeked at her, she had brushed her hair over her shoulder and she had her eyes closed and her head still looking down. She smiled weakly as she continued to sing; she sounded pretty good. I saw her face twist in pain as a group of kids came walking into the classroom. Instantly the mumbles started. Typical teenage crap really; they always thought the same shit; money, sex, cars, and more sex. Rarely did I hear anything of intelligence. Home girl in the back was the first I heard anything other than the norm.

"_Awesome, I have another class with Edward. I hope I get partnered with him. God he's so sexy." _

Great that girl has another class with me. If I do get partnered with her, I swear I'll blow my fucking brains out. I rested my head back down in my hands and pinched the bridge of my nose to try and soothe the on and off again headache. Out of habit I ran my fingers through my hair tugging at it a little. I attempted to count backwards but was interrupted.

"_Yummy, I'll run my fingers through your hair for you sexy."_

I looked up and saw that Jessica chick eye fucking me from a few seats in front of me. More students came in, including Jasper. He trailed behind some short chick who was indeed smoking hot. He looked up and saw me and started walking to the back. As the little pixie chick sat down he ogled her ass. So did I so fuck it.

"_Fuck she's beautiful. I bet her lips would be so soft and warm around Pedro. She's way out of my league though, she always has been."_

Jasper slid into the seat next to me and cracked half a smile and leaned back in his seat; crossing his arm behind his head. He nudged my arm and I sat up from my lazy position. The girl across the aisle from us put her hair curtain back down.

"Who's that?" I looked over and the brunette.

"She's the new chick. Isabella Swan. Chief Swan's daughter," he looked over at her.

"She's pretty cute in a girl next door way, but I haven't seen her talk to a single person today. I had first and second period with her, and now this one, and she just sits in the back with her hair around her face and always looking down." He shrugged his shoulders. And as if she heard him she quickly glanced over toward us. I quickly looked away in fear she caught me staring at her.

Soon the class was full and my head was about to explode. The bell rang and then our teacher came walking in. Nice of the fucker to finally show up.

"Welcome students," he walked over to his desk and picked up a piece of paper, then walked over to the board and wrote his name large enough for every one to see. "My name is Mr. Banner, and this is Biology 105 and if you think you are in the wrong class let me know. Most likely you're not because this is the only Biology lab in this school." He finished his rant and turned to face the class. "I have assigned seating for everyone so if you'd all stand up on the outside of the lab tables we'll get started." Everyone stood up groaning. Almost ever person in the class said the same thing, "_fuck_." All accept the soft shy voice of one girl,

"_Please let my partner not think I'm a freak"_

I stood next to Jasper not really paying attention as he went through a few names. Thankfully Jessica got partnered with some guy who she seemed to loath. God loves me after all. I heard Jasper's name be called.

"_Come on Alice please Alice..."_

"Alice Brandon." the black little fairy chick skipped her way over to the lab table and sat beside Jasper. I think he got a hard on as soon as her name was called.

"_Fuck yeah! High five mother fucker!"_

I indeed gave Jasper a mental high five.

"_Yes! I bet he still wears the same cologne. One day I'll get up the nerve to talk to him. He's so fuckable."_

I laughed at myself. If only they knew. Some other people were called and some more profanities were thought. I watched new girl run her hand through her hair and clinch her eye tight. There was only four left to be called, I was either going to be partnered with some mammoth jock or some preppy fucktard or the mysterious brunette who had only lifted her head once to see who was left. Her face fell with she was it was just three guys.

"Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen take a seat at the table on your left and that leaves Emmett and Mike at the table on the right. Okay now that that is finished I'll pass out your text books and well go over the course syllabus".

Isabella sat right back down in the seat she had already been sitting in. I walked over and sat down beside her. She closed her eyes again and a few seconds later looked up with a relieved look on her face. She slightly smiled as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"_Ah silence is golden. Still want some aspirin though. Today's been harder then I thought. Stupid high altitude frequencies. I think I'll make Charlie an Italian dish tonight." _

Frequencies? No wonder people thought she was a freak. She suddenly looked up at me. Her brown eyes pierced though me. Her mouth opened a bit like she was going to speak then didn't. She pulled her hair around her shoulder to make her curtain again.

"_Sing Bella just sing...think of a song…something relaxing…"_

She started to hum some tune in her head. Jasper was right, she was pretty. But far more than a girl next door way. I guess I should at least introduce myself. Turn on some Cullen charm. Girls back in New York loved the shit. But that was before that accident, and before this fucked up shit in my head.

"You're new too, huh," I asked her with a half grin. She looked over at me but never really looked at my face. It was like she avoided all eye contact.

"Yep," she answered in a quiet shy, tone. Her voice sounded just like her thoughts. Musical.

"_Why is he talking to me? He's the first person all day to even say one word to me. Damn it I shouldn't have looked at him. And musical, I don't sound musical. Wait…"_

I stared at her with wide eyes and she lifted her head to look straight at me, dead in the eyes. There is no fucking way she heard me. It's fucked up enough that one person in this shithole town can hear thoughts, but two? That's more fucked up then seeing your grandparents fuck.

"_I caught my Mom once having sex her new husband. I can't image anything older than them having sex."_

Fuck a dick! I looked at her and smiled, she fucking heard me. Her face lit up. She smiled and ran her fingers through her hair tugging at it a little bit…just like me.


	2. Chapter 2 Old Habits

BPOV 

I couldn't believe it. He was in my head. All the thoughts in the past ten minutes he heard. Christ I must have sounded like such a dumb ass. I felt my face get warm from the rush of blood. The voices began to become loud again so I looked back down at the table, closed my eyes, and turned the volume down.

_"Jesus Christ all mighty I can't believe this his happening. Fuck she heard everything I thought. That's fucked up! Ha now I guess I know what it's like." _

Why can I still hear him? I couldn't hear anyone else in the classroom. Why is he different? I concentrated on his voice, his energy; it was different from everyone else's. Mr. Banner laid the book down on the lab table with a loud thud and it caused me to jump a little. I could still feel Edward staring at me through my hair. His aura sent tingles down my back.

I heard him shuffle in his seat and let out a small huff. Mr. Banner continued to talk about the syllabus, but I couldn't concentrate on him. Here I was in this small town, population of 3,221 people, and I find someone who can read minds. What are the chances? If I didn't believe in fate or everything happens for a reason, I sure do believe in it now.

_"Me too."_

_"Stay out of my head! Turn it off! I shouted in my head."_ How dare he eavesdrop like that?

_"You're in mine too… remember?"_

_"No I turned everyone else off, its no my fault you're still here." _

_"You can turn it off? You're shittin' me?"_

_"I'd like to pay attention to class now, so do you mind singing a song, or humming, or just spacing out for a bit?"_

_"Fuck you," _He said and I felt his eyes turn away from me.

Fuck me? What did I do to him? See this right here is why you do not have friends Bella Swan. I focused harder on his energy searching my mind to turn him off. Everyone has a switch, right now though, his frequencies don't lead to one specific area. They are everywhere.

The class only had a few minutes left and my leg bounced up and down under the table. I needed to enclose myself in a vacant area; one with walls and no one around. I needed to first get rid of this headache, and figure out the past 45 minutes. The bell rang and I quickly gathered my stuff and forced my way through the other students. I only received two rude comments. Wow life is improving already.

"Wait Bella" I stopped in my tracks. He called me Bella. "Hey sorry I said…well thought that, I didn't mean it really. Do you think we could…ya know…talk?" he sounded scared and nervous. Not at all like his thoughts. They were cocky.

I continued to look down, not meeting his gaze. Dare I admit he was very good looking; in a rebellious James Dean way. I heard him smirk a little and I instantly regretted thinking that. Its one thing to hear people when they don't know you can hear them; it's a whole different ball game when you know they can hear you. And let me assure you, it was down right creepy. Before I felt like some weird pervert, now I feel like a victim. Is it possible to be both?

"Yes." He answered. I finally looked up at him and caught stare. His eyes were fierce like a jungle cat. He sported a half smile that flashed some extremely white teeth. He had a handsome square jaw covered with a stubbly shadow. It was the first time I ever took notice of anyone my age. Well anyone in general. I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair and looked down away from my adamant staring.

"Sure, I have lunch next, but I want somewhere alone. It makes them go away, ya know." He nodded and then followed me to my locker. I followed him to his. We found the empty auditorium and for the first time throughout the day I could totally relax. It took a lot of energy to keep people's thoughts at bay. Usually by the end of the day I wanted nothing more than a hot bath, two aspirin and my warm, soft bed.

I looked over at Edward and he seemed at ease too. I didn't know what to say to him really; 'Hi I'm Bella as you know I can read minds and oh by the way you're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen'. Stick me in a padded cell now.

"I don't think they put people in padded cells for being attracted to someone else." He opened his back pack and pulled out a brown paper bag. He pulled out a pack of Reese Cups and a Coke and set them on his lap. "So why did you move to this shithole?" he asked as he pulled the tab on the soda can, taking a long drink and ending it with the classic 'ahhh'.

"I just moved in with my Dad; Charlie" I pulled out my lunch and took out my peanut butter sandwich and my Mountain Dew. I picked a piece of sandwich off and popped it into my mouth. Not a good idea; my mouth was dry with cotton mouth because of how nervous I was. I picked up my Dew to take a sip. "How about you? You're the new boy every female I've come across wants to ravage in the bathroom; what brings you here?"

This was very new for me. I can count on one hand how many people I've willingly talked to that weren't family. He just felt different. Well, he was different. I felt odd and vulnerable, yet he had this aura about him. I wanted to talk to him; I needed to know who he was.

"My Dad retired and instead of moving somewhere warm and full of life like Miami, he chose to come to fucking Forks, Washington. I swear he did it just to make my life a living hell." He stuck the other Reese Cup in his mouth. "Why don't you talk to people?" he asked looking at me like I was the most amazing being walking the earth.

"I don't need to. Plus I have no desire having someone close to me when I know what they really think about me." I picked another piece of sandwich off.

"You're talking to me, so I'm like special right?" he laughed slightly. "Seriously though, you can turn yours off? How?"

I have never tried to explain it before. I took a drink from my soda and shifted in my seat to face him, all though I kept my head down looking at the pattern on the wooden seat I sat in. "Honestly I really don't know. It's sort of like a frequency, like radio waves. If I am around someone long enough and learn their frequency, I can just metaphorically flip a switch and turn them off. In situations like school or a restaurant it's like a dial, if I concentrate hard enough I can just turn them down until their gone. Problem is they don't stay gone. They can barge back in whenever they feel like it and I have to start over to keep them quiet." He looked at me in slight amazement.

"How long have you been able to read people's minds?" he was completely engrossed with me now.

I chewed the piece of sandwich I just placed in my mouth. "All my life," I said finally as I took another drink. "You?"

"Last year" was all he said as he took another big gulp of his Coke.

_"Fucking accident...shit...sing...la la la la…"_

I laughed a little and didn't mention it. It's bad enough he couldn't hide it from me.

"You're different though," I said placing the empty sandwich bag in my backpack. "I can't turn you off…"

"I didn't know you turned me on… yet." he responded and I blushed twenty shades of red. I sat back in my seat, quickly hiding behind my hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I often speak before I think," he crushed his empty can and threw it on the ground. The clinking echoed off the walls of the large empty room.

We ate in somewhat silence as I sang and he cursed himself often for being a "complete and utter fucking jackass". Half way through my song he decided to join me. I blushed the whole time listening to his velvety baritone voice; it caused the twinge in my stomach to flutter. Twice I lost my place and had to refocus. I needed to brush up on my voice so I'd at least sound half a good. Poor guy was probably tone deaf by now, having to listen to me.

The bell rang, causing me to jump a little. If I didn't know better, I would say I just made my first friend ever, and it scared the life out of me. Not that I am in any way getting my hopes up. That's how I don't get hurt; by always keeping people at an arms, or miles, length away. It's worked so far. I don't let people in, and I have yet to get hurt; simple logic really. We exited the auditorium and walked off our separate ways. I watched him run his fingers through his hair pulling at the back slightly. I leaned up against the wall, tuning the others out, I could still hear Edward.

_"I have to see her again."_

I smiled widely as I looked down, feeling a bit taken back by the idea of someone wanting to actually see me. Me…crazy, freaky, virgin, somewhat average girl, wants to be seen by sexy, emerald eyed, chiseled jaw, perfect smile, velvet voice Edward. I shuddered at the thought of being alone with him.

The rest of the day I didn't have any other classes with Edward. Although, he was on the mind of every hormonal teenage girl in this school- even the seniors were mentally molesting him. It was disgusting and intriguing at the same time. It only fueled my curiosity for intimacy with a man. And right now that man was Edward.

I walked to my loud, outdated truck. Rain has been falling all day, the bottom of my pants were wet up to my shins, my converse were soaked all the way through, and not that I cared much, but my hair had started to have a mind of its own. I pulled a hair tie out of my pocket and tied it back in a pony tail. Fumbling with my keys I heard another car pull up beside me. A door opened and then closed and I heard foot steps behind me.

_"Look at her acting like she's too good for everyone- snotty bitch."_

I rolled my eyes waiting for the inevitable. I'm not too good for anyone; in fact I'm not good enough for anyone.

"Hey, Swan right?" I looked to see a boy I recognized from Biology. I searched a moment and remembered his name was Mike.

"Bella," I corrected him, still not looking at him in the eyes. I found the right key and started opening the door.

"Hey hold up there," he said as the he kept my truck door closed with one hand. "I'm Mike Newton," he announced with a wide creepy smile.

_"Damn she's got a tight ass."_

I closed my eyes and willed his vulgar words to disappear. "I have to go," I stated trying to re-open the door. He continued to keep his hand placed on the door.

_"Mother Fucking son of a bitch, get the fuck away."_

I turned to see Edward storming over to me. When he reached us he grabbed Mike by the collar of his jacket and dragged him back to the drivers side of his car

"You touch, or talk to her again like that again; I'll rip your dick off so you can give yourself a fucking blow job!" He pushed him back up against the car. I stood there in fear and in awe of Edward. Never had anyone stuck up for me, other than teachers. Edward's eyes were dark with anger; I could see his jaw clenched together as he pushed Mike up against his door again. "Got it Newton?" he spat. Mike didn't dare udder a word, he simply coward into his car and drove off.

"Are you alright?" he asked, as he started walking toward me.

_"I swear if I see that little dick fucker again…"_

"I'm fine and you really don't have to be doing that kind of stuff. I'm quite use to it, unfortunately." I opened my truck door finally and hopped inside. That was probably the sweetest thing anyone's done for me. Which isn't saying much really, since it was full of violence and vulgarity and nothing romantic about it what so ever. Men and their testosterone, I'll never understand it.

"Normal people say something along the lines of 'thank you'." I blushed again knowing he had just heard me. That in turn made his lips part is the cutest crooked smile I'd ever seen. The flutter in my stomach twirled in low depths of my abdomen. I involuntary bit my bottom lip. It was a good thing too, cause I was about to start grinning like a kid in a candy store with a credit card.

_"Whoa…fuck…no sing Edward, don't think… won't you come and rescue me- separate myself from me- maybe I'm too blind to see…"_

"Save my life, and rescue me," I sang softly finishing the chorus of the song, "I better go." I finally pulled myself from looking at his mouth. I closed the door behind me, started my truck, took one last look at Edward, smiled weakly at him, and pulled away.

I couldn't be friends with Edward; it would cause nothing but heartache. As I thought this through, the hope that I had through out the day, that I might have actually have made a friend, crashed like with rain drops on my windshield. I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause a pin prick of pain to my chest.

EPOV

I practically fucking skipped back to the front of the school, though I was still seething about pretty boy Newton.

_"About time someone stood up to him."_

_"That just made him 100% sexier, if that was possible."_

_"Fuckin' a."_

I smiled at myself. Walking with my head held high, not allowing others to bother me. Typically if you walk like you're the shit, people tend to be too intimated to talk to you. I liked that shit. I saw Jasper walking up to me laughing his skinny ass off. Who the fuck names their kid Jasper anyway?

"You, my friend, are coming to my party this weekend, and I don't accept no as an answer." He slapped my back and walked beside me. He caught a glimpse of the pixie – fairy girl, walking to with a tall blonde- who looked like she belonged back in New York, not here in Forks.

_"This weekend…Man up Jasper Ryan Whitlock…she's just a girl. Just the most beautiful girl ever to step foot on this earth…"_

I stifled a laugh. "Yeah, sounds good." Maybe Forks wasn't too bad. Ha! Yeah fucking right. The king asshole just pulled up and was giving me the death glare. I rolled my eyes, "later." I said shoving my hand in my pocket and messing with my hair with the other. I couldn't wait to get home behind closed doors so everyone would get the fuck out of my head. My brain at any moment was going to spontaneously combust if I didn't get nicotine and valium fast.

I opened the door and slid in. "Seat belt," Carlisle ordered before driving off.

"Hi to you too, how was your day Pappy?" I laughed, trying to ease the tension between us. I know I fucked up pretty good back in the New York, but Christ, was he going to hold it against me for the rest of my life? He wasn't like this until after the accident. Before he was supportive and understanding; in baseball he was encouraging, I didn't get it. He used to love to hear me play the piano just because it was relaxing to him; he hasn't asked me to play anything for months. And I've given up waiting. My once favorite thing to do has now become the symbolism of the way Carlisle now acts toward me. It sits in the corner collecting dust to me, just like I am just a figure in his minds corner collecting dust.

"I don't like you calling me Pappy, you know that Edward," he didn't take a single glance in my direction.

"Yeah, sorry," I rolled my eyes and clinched my fists. Anger burned through my blood like a dragon breathing fire.

"I made an appointment for you to see the local psychologist, Dr. Baines. I think you need to start therapy again, you've been in an extremely foul mood for weeks." He finally gave me a second of his attention to make sure I didn't jump out of the moving car. At that moment, the thought crossed my mind. My hands began shaking with fury. I didn't dare speak; anything I would say to him at this very moment would only confirm his reasons for wanting me back in a shrinks couch.

For the ride, the tension in the air was so thick, my skin crawled. I stared down at my wet shoes the entire time. Once the car pulled into our drive way, I couldn't get out fast enough. I slammed the car door, busted though the front door, took the stairs two at a time, slammed my bedroom door and beat the shit out of the punching bag that Carlisle was so wise to put in here.

Who the fuck does he think he is? This isn't my fault, really. I didn't ask to hear people, I didn't want this! I punched that bag once more causing my knuckles to crack and bleed. Yeah, sure I got drunk on my birthday, is that a crime? Ha! Yeah fuck you too Jiminy Cricket, I answered the nagging responsible being inside me.

I got the valium out from my night stand and popped three of those little fuckers and laid down waiting for them to kick in. Soon I felt all my muscles relax and tension disappeared from my body. I got up and fired up my laptop, at least good Pappy still allowed me this. I checked my emails; 42 all from friends back home. I read only one.

_Hey Eddie,_

_I'm sorry I haven't written in a few days. It is still hard without you being here. I miss you so much. I hope you're doing well. Call me soon, I miss your voice. _

_Kisses,_

_Vikki_

I replied to her email and pulled up my iTunes, laid in bed and began the daunting task of homework. At least there is one thing Carlisle can't bitch at me for, I've always maintained a 3.5 or higher GPA. I choose a thesis for my English class, busted out my Calculus, read the first chapter of my history book and picked up my Biology syllabus. I didn't pay a lick of attention in that class today, and I have a feeling, I really won't be in the future either.

I decided to lay back and remember the mysterious Bella Swan. She sang with me… sort of, she understood me…sort of, but there was no doubt by the smile on her face earlier that she wanted to know me too. Her smiled made my heart jump up in my throat. Her beautiful brown eyes that I rarely saw had flecks of green. And the way she would run her fingers through her long wavy hair, reminded me of my own habit. I wanted to know her better. Fuck me, I sound like a Hallmark card, what's next sappy poetry?

"Edward, dinner's ready," I heard Esme call from the stairs. Yay me, dinner. One hour of my shitty life spent with my even shitter father, who will relentlessly belittle my mother and me while having blow job fantasies about nursing students. That's my idea of a good meal. I forced myself off my bed, swallowing the bile that was now rising in my stomach.

Dinner sucked naturally. Esme went on about her visions for the house. As expected, Carlisle had interns on the brain and I ate my food as fast as humanly possible just to get the fuck out of there. I wanted so badly to tell Esme to give it up because your husband is a douche bag, but how would I explain that I knew? "_Hey Mom, get this shit, I can read minds and ya know what good ol' Pappy thinks of you? Oh and I think he's a borderline sex addict who gets off by thinking of young interns." _ Now that's a good dinner topic.

I showered, I jerked off again (what, I'm a fucking teenage boy), and fell asleep longing to see Bella again.

The next day Pappy Carlisle drove me to school again. His normal shit in hand. He threw it at me that my shrink appointment was this afternoon. It took all my strength to not choke the life out of the prick. I stood against the building in the same place as yesterday morning, and just like yesterday, Jasper shows up. I swear that fucker always smiles.

"Sup?" he asked as he lit up his smoke and peeked around the corner. "Banner is at the front," he added, rolling his eyes.

_"There's __Alice__, oh Christ kill me now."_

He bit on his bottom lip then pulled in another drag.

"Why don't you talk to her?" I asked before I had a chance to realize it was out of my mouth.

"Who Alice?" he looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Yeah, I saw how you practically waltzed to the table when you got partnered with her. Not to mention the fact anytime she walks by your dick gets hard and you drool like a fucking puppy dog," I said, hoping I didn't offend the fucker.

"No way man, she's way out of my league." We both inhaled another drag. I tried not to laugh knowing she likes him too.

_"Chicken shit,"_ I thought. Then again, I guess I didn't have much room to talk, I doubted I'd ever get a chance to be close to Bella. She's too innocent; too pure. Me being with her would be like shitting in holy water; that's shit's just not right. But I wanted desperately to be her friend.

_"I know he's over there, I'm gonna get you this time Whitlock."_

I put out my smoke and grabbed his and did the same just in time for Banner to come around the corner. "Whitlock what are you and Mr. Cullen doing over here?" he crossed his arms over his chest.

_"What the fuck man he's a Mister I'm just fucking Whitlock?"_

"Banner, we were just talking about your class." I spoke up.

"It's Mr. Banner, if you don't mind." he looked annoyed.

"Then I suppose it should be Mr. Whitlock too." I smirked and walked away.

Jasper was silently going to explode from laughter. He just walked beside me with a shit eating grin on his face. I shoved my hand in my pockets and walked inside the school. Today I remember to bring my lunch dose of Valium with me. Jasper left, walking to his locker and I went on my way to mind. Yesterday I didn't pay attention to anyone around me. Today the only person I sot after, I've yet to find or hear.

_"Oh my God there he is. Okay Jessica you can do this, just talk to him like Angela said."_

I took in a deep breath. That shrill voice was like nails on a chalk board.

"Hi Edward!" she bounced up in front of me. Fucking Mexican jumping bean. "Want to walk to class together?" she bit her bottom lip and peaked up at me through her eyelashes trying to look cute. If she wasn't so annoying mentally, I might have said she was cute.

"Yeah, sure," I'm fucked. I tried to listen to other people for once instead of the annoying girl beside me. She continued to molest me mentally as she went on about the party at Jasper's this weekend.

Apparently Jasper did this every year and it was always a big deal to go. I picture a bunch of fucktards playing spin the bottle as they twittled their thumbs. Nothing can beat the blasts in New York. My party was the biggest one James had ever thrown. The Cullen birthday bash had three kegs, endless about of liquor, a party bowl of pills, and girls walking around half naked begging for some guy to fuck them doggy style over the kitchen island or bathroom sink. That was the best and, worst night of my life.

"So what do you think?" I snapped out of my memory back to the present with the Mexican jumping bean.

"About?" I asked, not caring what she had just said.

"The party, do you want to go? I can pick you up." She stopped at my desk waiting for an answer.

"I don't know if I'm going so, probably not." I sat down and she didn't leave.

_"He turned me down. No one turns me down!"_

"No offence," I added so she'd hopeful leave. Thankfully, it worked. I put my head down pulling my hair lightly always willing it to make them all just shut up, though it never worked. I'm never going to be able to live with this shit. I wanted to learn to control it like Bella. If I had to beg for her to teach me, I was willing to do it. I'd give her my left nut for silence. Okay, maybe not, but you get the point.

_"Once at the party, he'll never tell me no."_

_"If I don't get on the team this year, I'm gonna go Columbine on their asses."_

_"Dear Lord, please watch over Snickers."_

I looked up to see Alice waltzing in the room with a sad look on her face.

By the time fourth period rolled around I downed another valium and two aspirins. I contemplated how to sneak out of school just to be alone. I sat alone at the lab table anxiously awaiting Bella's arrival.

_"Blesses she who clearly sees the wood for the trees …to obtain a bird's eye is to turn a  
Blizzard into a breeze…"_

I sat up straight in my seat recognizing that beautiful voice. She turned the corner into the room with her head down and shuffling her feet along the ground. She hugged her books to her chest, trying to be as invisible as possible. Didn't this girl know she's fucking beautiful?

_"Can I sing with you again?" _I asked her, causing her to allow me a glance at her pale skinned face. It looked as if her eyes were red, but she quickly looked back down as she slid into the seat beside me. She put down her hair and drew the curtain of hair. I couldn't help but notice it smelled like tropical fruit.

_"I haven't felt the way I feel today …in so long it's hard for me to specify… I'm beginning to notice how much this feels…"_

I didn't know what this meant. Was she offering me the next line or ignoring my question. "_What's wrong Bella?" _She just shook her head lightly and continued to sing. Why this bothered me so much, I'll never fucking know.

She ignored me throughout the rest of class, going from song to song. I tried the best I could to not think about her. I focused the best I could on Banner explaining our final projects for the semester. To no avail, the Mexican jumping bean had obsessed about me all class. Even more, I was drawn into Bella and her eclectic choice of songs. She even resorted to Old McDonalds farm. I couldn't help but smile to myself hearing her do animal sounds. I think she heard me because it was the only time she acknowledged my presence beside her. Obviously someone pissed in her Cheerio's this morning.

When the bell rang I hoped she'd join me in the auditorium again. I waited for her for about ten minutes and was about to give up when I heard her enter.

"I thought I saw you come in here," it was the fucking jumping bean. What the fuck is up with this chick?

"What do you want?" I couldn't help but sound rude. She just brought that out in me.

"Why do you come in here for lunch? Come join me at my table, I'll introduce you to the rest of the gang." She sat beside me and smiled in a hopeful way.

"No, I'm good thanks though," I stood up and walked out, leaving my soda and Reese's on the floor.

I walked outside and found Jasper in the corner hiding from teachers and the rain that was falling past the awning of the building. How this town wasn't under water, was beyond something I could understand. He nodded his head and handed me his lit cigarette. I took a drag and gave it back.

"So what's your story Cullen?" he asked peaking around me, spying for teachers.

"It's cool, it's just us," I assured him as he leaned back against the wall. "My story is fucked up and long and I would need about a pack of those and at least a fifth of some hard liquor," I answered his question.

"Well this weekend I got a fifth with your name on it. You're still coming right?" he pulled in a drag and blew it against the building.

"Yeah, is the Mexican jumping bean gonna be there too?" I asked, taking the cigarette from him to sooth my inner beast.

"Who?" he looked puzzled.

"That Jessica chick," I clarified for him. He started laughing and shook his head.

"Stay away from that shit," he answered, taking the smoke back. "Pretty sure everyone including Eric Yorkie hit that, and if you don't know who he is, it's the little shit Newton fucks with daily," he said, handing me the last drag. I took it then flicked the cigarette into the rain.

"Believe me, I have my eye on someone and it certainly isn't the Mexican jumping bean." Jasper's face fell and a slight look of anger grazed his face. "Don't worry isn't not the pixie either," I smiled at him.

"Pixie huh?" his smile lit up his face, "she is pretty magical like a pixie." He pointed his middle finger at me when I failed to hold in a laugh. "What? I'm man enough to feel comfortable being romantic."

"Ha! Yeah later man," I walked back inside and back to the auditorium to see if Bella was there.

She wasn't.


	3. Chapter 3 Silence

BPOV

I spent the entire day avoiding Edward, being late for every class because I was hiding in the girl's bathroom. When Biology class came I sat in the last stall crying before I unavoidably had to go to class. I tried harder than ever not to hear him. The way he asked me if something was wrong made my heart take a plunge towards my stomach. I hope he doesn't think he did anything wrong. The cliché of "it's not you it's me" has never been so true. I just couldn't allow myself the vulnerability that came with having friends.

I was being a complete coward. In all honesty, I desperately wanted to know Edward. My fingers ached to touch his hair. That lonely gap inside me throbbed every time I heard his voice. This was for his own good really.

After the final bell rang, I once again hid in the girl's bathroom. After the halls were quiet I walked to my locker. I opened the heavy metal doors at the bottom of the stairs I heard…

"_I know she didn't leave yet, her truck is still outside. Why is she avoiding me? Fuck! All I want is to be her friend." _

It took me by surprise to see that he was waiting at my locker. I looked up to see him leaning against the wall. His face looked angry; his lips were tight and his eyebrows were pulled inward causing a little crease to form between his eyes.

"Why are you avoiding me? What the fuck did I do?" he said, as he started walking toward me. I looked back down so I couldn't see his beautiful eyes.

"You didn't do anything. I-I just can't be friends with you." As I said the words I made a fatal mistake. "_I would hurt too much when you leave me." _I looked up to see a surprised look on his face. "Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"Is that what you think?" He ran his fingers through his hair. His jaw tightened and his nostrils flared slightly. He took in a deep breath. "I just want to get to know you," he finally said. "Don't you see how fate or some corny shit like that brought us together? Fuck Bella." He shook his head, turned and walked away.

"_Pop goes the mother fucking weasel."_

He sang a very vulgar version of the children's song until I heard the echo of the door closing.

I busied myself at home by cleaning the house. Charlie wasn't a messy person, but I couldn't tell who the last person who dusted was. Oh yeah I can, it was probably me last year. I stood on the couch, dusting off the set of pictures that hung on the wall in a disorganized pattern. They were all of me, starting at birth to my most recent school picture. I laughed at the way I looked in pretty much all the pictures. The early elementary pictures with my teeth missing and then coming in at different times, made my forced smile looked like Igor without the hunched back. The pictures of my early teen years, when Renee tried to make me 'hip'; she teased my bangs into a large poof ball, resembling a rat's nest bow tie on my forehead. Going through the awkward phase at the same time, did nothing to make me look 'hip'.

After dusting, my allergies were now in full fledged sneeze mode, so I decided to start dinner for Charlie. I pulled out the chicken breasts, seasoned them and set them back in the fridge. I peeled the potatoes and cut them up for mashed potatoes. Soon Charlie was home and dinner was almost ready.

"Hey Bells, dinner smells great. You're going to spoil me soon." He let out a soft laugh.

"You already are," I noted to him as I rinsed off the beaters.

"Oh I forgot to tell you, Billy is coming over later, there's a game on." He pulled a beer and water out of the fridge setting them on the table. I placed dinner on his plate and mine and went to sit down.

"_I guess I should have mentioned Jacob too. I'm sure she already figured that out though. Wow yum…this is delicious. She doesn't get that from Renee that's for sure."_

"So Jacob's coming with Billy?" I took a bite of my dinner. He looked at me with a raised brow and swallowed his food.

"Yeah, I figured you'd know since Billy can't drive and all. This is really good Bells, thanks."

We ate the rest of our dinner without conversation. His switch was off so I had my mind to myself. I couldn't help but think of Edward. Perhaps having my mind to myself isn't always healthy. Never have I spent so much time thinking about one person. I washed the dishes, cleaned off the counters and went up stairs to do homework until Billy and Jacob came over. I looked over the Biology final project due at the end of the first semester. It was useless…I'd have to spend time with Edward.

The Blacks showed up soon after my rather dooming enlightenment. I found Jacob in the kitchen with his head in the fridge. He closed the door with a beer for Charlie and Billy.

"Hey," I said looking down.

"Hey," he said sounding a bit sad. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" I looked up at him to see him. I never realized how sort of beautiful he was.

"Wanna get out of here for a little while?" His smile was encouraging and warm.

"_Please say yes…please"_

"I can't, I still have a lot of homework to do" I tried tirelessly to escape the closing feeling my chest was having. Maybe there was in the damp air that made people actually pay attention to me, maybe it was because I was new. Whatever the reason, I felt panicked. My breathing became shallow and I felt like I wasn't receiving oxygen from the air. I tried to breath but the more I tried the less oxygen I received.

"Bella!" Jacob dropped the beers, catching me as I started to fall. His russet colored skin was warm and inviting as he pulled me to his chest. It was the first time a boy had ever touched me like this, and I couldn't even enjoy it.

"_Oh God Bella…Bella what's wrong with her…"_

"I… can't… breathe" I said in between inhaling. Charlie came barreling into the kitchen.

"What happened?!?" he yelled at Jacob.

"I don't know. I asked if she wanted to take a walk or something and she just started breathing funny." Jacob let go of me as Charlie lifted me.

"_I have to get her to the hospital. Man she hates hospitals."_

I started shaking my head violently. "No…hospital…" I whispered.

"Jacob, get the door" he ordered. Jacob obeyed and Charlie carried me to the police cruiser. "Get in!" he yelled at Jacob who was standing on the porch with Billy beside him. "NOW!" He opened the back door and sat me inside. Jacob crawled in beside me pulling me onto his lap.

"_Breathe Bella Please just keep breathing…you're going to be okay…she has to be okay…it's going to be okay."_

"_She hasn't had a panic attack in years…Christ one day here and already I'm a horrible parent. Renee is going to have my ass."_

I wanted to turn it off but I couldn't calm myself down enough to find the switch. Jacob continued begging. Charlie was pleading. It was too much. I was a burden on everyone.

We pulled into Forks Community Hospital, and as soon as the doors opened I was bombarded by voices. It was too much. I tried to breathe. I wanted to breathe. The more I couldn't the more panicked I became.

"Dr. Cullen!" a nurse yelled as Charlie placed me on a gurney. Cullen? Edward's family?

This caused my already erratic breathing to become even more erratic. "Chief Swan, what happened?" He shined a light in my eyes and quickly listened to my breathing. "Miss Swan listen to me, you're having a mild panic attack. You're going to be just fine."

He walked out of the room as the nurse was placing the oxygen tube around my face.

"I need to you to take long deep breaths Isabella. Can you do that for me?" She placed a clip on my thumb and monitored my pulse. "Inhale one…two…three…now exhale one…two…three…that's it just keep breathing like that."

"_Jesus Christ! What does this girl need her ass wiped to? Get the over it you emo teenage bitch…my shift was almost over."_

"_Panic attack? What did I do to send her into a panic attack? Man, I'll never forgive myself if I hurt her…"_

"_I wonder if the insurance covers mental health care; fucking HMO bastards…probably not."_

Dr. Cullen walked back through the curtain and handed me two little blue pills in a paper cup along with a glass of water. "Here you go Isabella. This is Xanax it will help calm you down." I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed them with the water. "They may cause drowsiness, so I suggest once you get home- stay home. You may also start to feel nauseous you can take some over the counter medicine for it. I'll have Tanya start on your release papers. "Chief Swan, may I talk to you outside for a moment?" Charlie let go of my hand and followed Dr. Cullen out into the hallway, closing the door behind them with an echoing thud.

I looked up to see a very worried Jacob standing beside the bed with his arms folded over his chest. I continued to take deep slow breaths and eventually I was able to speak with out fear of dying. "Jacob, it's nothing you did. Just in case you may have thought so," I quickly added at the end. Life was so much easier when I didn't talk to anyone but my parents.

I started to feel light headed as every muscle in my body began to relax. I closed my eyes and searched my mind for my cerebral switches and dials. It was hazy and clouded. Jacob's thoughts were become less and less audible as the drugs began having an effect of my brain. It seemed as if I laid there in bed for hours until Charlie finally showed back up with my release papers in hand. "We have to go by a pharmacy; Dr. Cullen is prescribing you xanax to take daily." He held his hand up in a defensive posture, "before you start telling me how much you hate pills, and they'll just make you sick, I explained everything to Dr. Cullen, and he assured me these are not the same types of medications you had before." Did I mention Charlie had verbal diarrhea when he was upset or nervous? No… oh he does.

Jacob looked down at his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets purposefully avoiding my gaze. I closed my eyes again, and franticly searched so I didn't have to hear what Jacob thought about what he had just heard about me. Surprisingly, his only thought was concern for me.

Charlie helped me up off the bed and into the cruiser. The xanax was in full force and I felt dizzy and loopy. "You know Jacob" I stared at him in the back of the cruiser with me "you're really beautiful." I said, with great confidence. He blushed under his tanned skin.

"Thanks Bella," he laughed at me slightly "too bad it's the medication talking." He gave me a faint smile and went to looking out the window as the dark shadows of trees passing by.

"_Not as beautiful as you. I wish she really meant that. I'd treat her right. It's obvious she's been hurt before. Why else would she be so closed off from everyone? It's just going to take time. And I have a lot of time."_

He looked at me again and patted my hands there resting in my lap. Another touch from Jacob, yet I seemed to not feel anything. Charlie dropped off the prescription at the local 24 hour pharmacy and we arrived back at the house with Billy waiting patiently on the couch watching the outtakes from the game Charlie had missed.

"Bella, you had a phone call." Billy called from the living room. It was probably Renee so I wasn't too pressed to know who had called.

"Thanks Billy," I managed to say as I held on to the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

"It was Edward Cullen, he said something about a Biology project," he stated. If I hadn't already been on drugs to keep me calm, I would have gone right back into a full blown panic attack again.

Just the sound of his name makes the sharp fluttery reaction explode inside me. I suddenly felt extremely sick, I ran up the stairs and tripped and stumbled my way to the bathroom. After vomiting up my dinner, I brushed my teeth and practically crawled to my bedroom. I didn't bother finding pajamas; I simply took off my jeans, leaving them in the middle of the floor. I left on my t-shirt and crawled into bed; falling asleep thinking of green eyes, crooked smiles, and velvety music lyrics.

Yep, I'm screwed.

The next morning my head hurt from either the medication or the mind blowing dreams I had last night about an illicit boy. I padded quietly to the bathroom and found some aspirin. I stepped into the shower allowing the hot water sooth my aching body. Not the aching of pain, but more of a longing ache. Every time I graze over my breasts with my wash cloth the throbbing screamed to be soothed. I rinsed off body and ignored my hair and stepped out of the bathroom. Mornings have always been my favorite time of day. I got to be alone with myself for two hours before the relentless and exhausting tasks of keeping people quiet.

Downstairs I found a small pill bottle on the kitchen table with a small piece of paper.

Bella,

Here's your prescription, please take it.

Dad

Charlie must have picked it up early this morning before going to work. I sat down and ate a bowl of cereal before throwing one of the pills in the trash can to make it seem like I had taken it. What happened last night was a one time event; I hadn't had a panic attack since I was seven. As I was washing out my bowl the phone rang.

I dried my hands knowing it was Charlie. He was probably making sure I found the medicine.

"Hey Dad, I found the medicine, I took one, and I'm fine." I said, into the phone without saying hello.

"Um Bella, its Edward."

EPOV

Waking up this morning sucked. After my pseudo therapy session with the latest crap doctor, I snuck downstairs and stole a little bit of liquor from Carlisle's collection; as in a little bit of every open bottle so he wouldn't notice a few shots missing. It did the job though; I was drunk by midnight and passed out on top of my covers by 12:30am. Pappy never opened his office door. I was the piano collecting dust in the corner of his mind.

I opened my night stand drawer removed my smokes and my pills ready to start my day. I was surprise to see it hadn't started raining yet today, but I'm sure with in the hour it will change. Last night, while I was in my drunken genius mode, I contemplated a plan to have Bella talk to me, diabolical I know. I never said I walked the straight and narrow path.

Pappy rewarded my "good behavior" by giving me my car back. Fuck I missed her. Her shiny silver paint, black leather interior, I sunk low in the seat breathing in the goodness of my mistress…aka Volvo. The little fucking cricket in my head told me what I was doing was wrong, but fuck it, this would give me what I wanted and the hell with conscious thought.

I left early that morning to drive around town. It took me a whole ten minutes to find Bella's truck parked outside her house. Charlie's car was gone so I took matter into my own hands. I snaked around to her truck letting out the air in her left rear tire. I saw the light in the kitchen be turned on so I quickly retreating back into the Volvo and drove around the corner. I had to tell Jiminy to fuck off a few more times. I picked up the piece of paper I had written her phone number on (gotta love listed phone numbers). It rang once and she picked up.

It caught me off guard. She thought I was Charlie. I let her ramble, just because I was fucked up and loved the sound of her musical voice.

"Um Bella, its Edward," I spoke as calmly as I could. Breaking out the low seductive voice, I smiled knowing that shit always worked.

Okay maybe not. I heard a loud crash and some quiet muffled innocent profanities. She was fucking adorable how she never cursed. Again holy water and shit don't mix, but I was willing to taint the fuck out of it. "Bella?" I asked, into an empty phone.

"Sorry…" she sound out of breath "…just give me a second." I heard another soft click and waited. "Okay," she spoke so warily into the phone after a few seconds.

"I wanted to know if you wanted a ride to school. I thought maybe we could go over ideas for the Bio project a little bit." I gave my self a mental pat on the back. I really was a drunken genius.

"No thanks, I'll just take my truck." She paused for a few seconds "bye." Fuck what…wait…

"Wait!" I shouted into the phone.

"What?" she sounded a bit irritated.

"At least write down my number okay. That way you can call me if you need too." I heard her take a deep breath in defeat.

"Fine, what is it?" I proceeded to give her my number hoping she really was writing that shit down. Once she saw her truck was unable to be driven she'd call me. She hung up without saying bye and I stared at the phone in disbelief.

Edward Cullen is losing his touch. Fuck. I lit up another cigarette and waited to for her to call. After waiting five or ten minutes and no phone call I drove back around the block to see her walking in the direction of the school. I pulled the mistress over and exited. As I did, a loud thunder crashed and it caused Bella to jump and look up at the sky.

"Hurry up, get in!" I shouted to her. She looked at me with tight beady eyes. Don't think Cullen; don't think…I chanted over and over. I guess I wasn't that genius after all. Philosophical question one; how do you keep a secret from a mind reader? So maybe drunken genius is a bit of an oxymoron, but it sounded perfect at the time.

She hugged her book tightly and ran to the passenger side of the car. As soon as we both shut our doors, rain drops shattered on the ground.

"_How did you know where I lived?"_

"_It's a small town and you're the only person with a loud ass, beast of a Chevy." _I answered honestly. I was going to love silent conversations with her. She seemed uncomfortable so I turned up the heater for her.

"_You can put on whatever you want. You look upset." _She finally laid her books on her lap but shook her head no.

"_I'm fine," _she paused momentary. "_darn it, I mine as well be honest with you. It's not like I can keep it a secret anyways… You scare me."_

I scare her? Why on earth would I scare her? Sure I had a foul mouth and I did say 'fuck you' to her, but I apologized and I though we were kosher. Weren't we?

"_You scare me because…" _her inner voice was timid and soft "_…I've never had any friends before," she_ laughed at herself and hugged her books again.

I didn't know what to say. For the first time I was speechless. I didn't want to pity her, because she was strong and she'd hate that shit, but I did pity her. I couldn't imagine life without friends. I thought about James and Vikki back in New York. I've known them sense the first grade, and only recently did I have to fathom life without them; one permanently because of me. I forced them out of my head.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," she didn't say anything. She just turned the radio up and found a station she liked. Thankfully it wasn't, shoot me in the head, my dog died and my wife left me, country.

She just lied back in the seat closing her eyes and sang along with the song…verbally. I was astounded. I tried to focus on the short drive. We were only a few blocks away, but I never wanted her to leave. I wanted to engross myself in her beauty and innocents. Fuck me backwards. I snuck peaks of her. I found a reason to open my glove box just to lean in closer to her and smell her tropical scent. As much as I wanted, I fought the urge to kiss her.

"_That's probably a good idea," _then she cracked a smile and continued to sing.

Isabella Swan is going to be the death of me.

Philosophical question two; how does some one who is apparently prone to mental diarrhea not think so he can hit on a girl who can hear his thoughts? Yeah I'm fucking lost on that one too.

As I pulled up into a parking spot the smirk on my face fell. I didn't want her to leave.

"Thanks for the ride. It wasn't raining when I left." She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and I wanted to kiss the nap of her neck where her hair meets and lick my way down to her shoulder. She turned looked at me and her face was blushed with the sexiest color pink. It made my dick twinge.

"You're welcome," was all I could muster up. It was my turn to put my head down. Edward fucking playboy Cullen was blushing. She opened the car door and walked quickly to the schools front doors. I watched as she tried to avoid the puddles, she looked back at me and smiled and then stepped in the largest puddle in the parking lot. Good mind reader- she is, good psychic- she is not, or very observant for that matter.

I kept the car running as I lit up a smoke. I cracked my window slightly to allow the smoke to escape. I heard the passenger side door open, and it startled me causing me to drop my lit cigarette to on my lap. Fuck Pappy's gonna have my ass if I burn the leather. I quickly found the cigarette right on the crotch of my pants.

"_Fucking rain…fucking Forks…"_

I watched Jasper pull out his cigarettes from his jacket… "_Fucking fuck". _

I let out a laugh and threw my pack at him. "Next time knock asshole, I almost burnt my dick and my mistress!" I took another drag.

"Sorry, didn't want to enter the abyss of the shithole with out a good nicotine boost." He inhaled and smiled at me. He blew out his hold, "so, nice ride," he looked at the back seat being a nosy fuck. I didn't care really. "You still on for Saturday?"

"Yep, as long as I still have my mistress…" I crested the dashboard and kissed the steering wheel, "…and Pappy isn't being a dickwad." I added at the end. He started laughing as me molesting my car.

"Tight. I have three kegs already lined up and thanks to the single Mom syndrome; I now have a good twelve bottles of various liquor." He opened the door and flicked his cigarette out. "Later, here comes Banner," he tipped his head in the direction of the school. I shut off the car and put my cigarette out. I walked with Jasper to the school doors and went in search for Bella.

I walked into the cafeteria on my way up to my locker. I was guessing she was already in class, I didn't hear her anywhere. When I got to my locker I fucked up the combination twice because all I could hear was other people repeating their combination. Once I got it open a folded piece of paper fell on to the floor at my feet. I picked it up, shoved it in my back pocked. I shoved the books I didn't need in my locker and took out the ones I did. I headed off to first period with Bella on the brain.

"_Ten…Nine…Eight…Fucking kill me now. Seven…Six…Shut the fuck up. Five…Four…_

_Three…"_

"Can you do me a favor?" I couldn't make it to one. I looked a Jessica, annoyed as fuck, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I smiled at her, "Thank you!"

She had caught me after class and was following me like a fucking lost puppy dog. It was extremely pathetic. I really didn't hear a word she said. I stormed off to second period praying to God, that if he loved me like all the little children of the world, he'd give me a minute to get a smoke. He must not because Banner was outside on the side of building where Jasper and I smoke. Now, I could have gone into the boys bathroom, but I wasted my fucking time walking my pissed off ass down here. So instead I stomped off to second period listening for the jumping bean, I was going to avoid her like the mother fucking plague.

On my way to third period I found Jasper and we ditched. I thought it would have taken more convincing to get him to ditch but because he didn't have class with Alice he didn't give a fuck. Boy was as bad as the jumping bean. The rain had eased up enough for us to hide out in the woods behind the school. Apparently he did this often because he knew exactly were to go. I leaned up against a boulder in the middle of the forest and pulled out my cancer sticks. I offered Jasper one and he willingly took it.

"So Eddie, where are you from?" he fucked around with his phone and looked up at me.

"Okay first off it's Edward and like I said, unless you have a flask hidden in that jacket, don't ask." I took a drag of my cigarette. I looked down at me drenched feet. Fuck it.

"Here," he said, "catch." I looked up and he was holding a small silver flask in his hand. Yep, Jasper Whitlock is the fucking man. "So, as you were saying…" he motioned for me to continue. I twisted off the cap and took a swig of what tasted like cheap rum.

"New York," I said simply. I technically answered his question and I was not offering anything I didn't need to.

"Damn and you ended up here how?" he took a drag of his cigarette and took the flask back. "That's fucked up," he stated. Yes indeed, how fucked up it was. And he didn't know the half of it. He took a swig, "Yankee…damn I'm friends with a fucking Yankee," he looked at me and took another swig "my Pop-Pop would have my ass ya know." It wasn't until then that I recognized his accent.

"Where are you from?" I pulled the flask out of his hands taking a swallow.

He laughed at me slightly before answering "Texas," and taking another drag of his cigarette.

"Racist," I laughed at him. He just smirked and took of his jacket. "WHOA there big boy, I said I was from New York, not that I was a fag." I took another drink. He just gave me the finger. He turned around and lifted his shirt. He had a huge ass confederate flag tattooed on his back with 'REBEL' written in large block letter above it.

"And you got that how?" I asked. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly jealous of him. I've wanted a tat for a year now but good Ol' Pappy refused to sign for one; fucking prick. He bitched a fit just by me growing out my hair. He keeps saying it looks dirty and un-kept.

"My uncle is a tat artist back home. I got it over the summer on vacation. Single child, spoiled…" he shrugged his shoulders "I pretty much get what I want."

"_Except Alice."_

You could always tell when he is thinking of Miss Pixie, he gets either a huge ass smile or pouts like a two year old. I barely knew him and I felt sorry for him. Boy's hard up.

"Alice going to be there?" I raised my eyebrow at him giving him a smirk.

"Fuck I hope so, I told her in biology yesterday about it" he took one last swig of cheap rum and replaced in his jacket. He handed me a piece of gum and popped on in himself.

"Good because I don't want to see your whiny ass mope at your own fucking party," I grabbed my shit and we started walking back to the school.

I walked straight to Biology and she was there waiting alone, smiling when she heard me come in.

BPOV

After leaving Edward's car, the fact my truck had a flat wasn't even on my mind anymore. I went to class, not concentrating on the lesson, I was called to read out loud in my English class. I think taking xanax isn't such a big deal after all. After Edward called me this morning, I pulled the pill out of the trash and took it. It has helping surprisingly well. I use to have problems reading out loud, or answering a question when the teacher called on me, but today, even though my thinking was a bit blurry, I read the five paragraphs with no problem. The only bad side affect so far, is I feel more open, more, dare I say, outgoing?

I found it easier to tune everyone out today, possibly from the extra relax state my mind is in. That left my mind to think about other things; mostly and sadly, Edward. I contemplated why I felt drawn to him. Maybe it was because we did share a very unique gift, or maybe because I wanted to have my way with him like the rest of the raging hormonal teenage girls in Forks High. I couldn't think of a better person to ease my internal flame of fervor.

So that led me to now. Early to Biology waiting for Edward, praying he'd come early too. I sat at the lab table looking out the window; the light rain was still falling. I thanked Charlie for buying me water proof boots yesterday. Then off in a distance, I could hear him. I could almost feel him as he edged closer to the open door of our Biology class. I tried to restrain my smile, but it was too late, he entered the room glaring at me. I couldn't help but smile wider. I started to blush so I looked down and started playing with my hair; twirling it around my finger.

"_You're early," _he said, walking to the table smiling. I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"_So are you." _

"_Why are you smiling so much?"_ I didn't know why he would ask me this. Was I not supposed to? The smile quickly fell from my face and I drew up my brown silky curtain of hair. Stupid outgoing xanax.

"_Xanax? Why are taking that?"_ Stupid mind reading sexy boy.

"_I had a slight panic attack last night…ended up in the ER…treated by your Dad, at least I think he is…and now here I am doped up." _

"Sexy boy huh?" he flashed me a beautiful smile. I felt the warmth between my legs grow and the urge to savage him was barely tamable.

"_Come away with me in the night. Come away with me and I will write you a song…"_

I started singing the first song that came to mind. As I continued the lyrics, I realized it wasn't the best choice of song, as true as they may be.

"_Don't stop, I love to hear you sing. It helps keep the others out. I'd join you but I don't know this song."_

I smiled sheepishly at him. I could feel the flush in my face. I just shook my head no and put my head down grinning like an idiot.

Mr. Banner came into the class room, pinning up a large chart on the wall. I went back to occupying my mind with anything not Edward related. I think it is more exhausting to keep someone off my mind appose to keeping someone out of my mind.

"Okay ladies and gentlemen listen up," Mr. Banner spoke up with excitement. "We are doing a day long scientific experiment," a lot of students let out loud huffs and sighs. "Quiet down. We are going to see if the size of the thumbs have any leverage on who wins…you ready for it…the thumb war." The classroom filled with laughter.

"_Thumb war? As in touching? I can't touch him…I can't…I've never…"_

Edward looked up at me with a wary look on his face. He winked and smiled and it made it that much worst.

Banner handed out string, a ruler, and a piece of paper to write down the measurements of our thumbs. I looked at Edward scared to death. He put his hand in his pocket…

"_Take this."_

He placed a little pill in my lap. "_What is it?" _I asked.

"_It'll help you not freak the fuck out." _

I picked up the little pill waited for Mr. Banner to turn his back and swallowed the pill. As Mr. Banner continued to explain the assignment, I felt a wave of calm rush over my body. What ever he'd given me was working. "Okay begin," Mr. Banner stated from the front of the class.

Edward stuck out his hand waiting for me to take it. I didn't know what to do. I've never played this before. Man, I felt like a moron. What kind of person doesn't know how to play thumb war?

"_A person who's never given themselves a chance to be touched."_

"_I've been touched," _I defended myself. He didn't need to know it was only twice and I didn't feel anything, literally nothing.

I looked up at Edward; his face looked calm and bright. His eyes seemed more brilliant than normal. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, because they were damp from the sweat. I bit my bottom lip, willing my hand to move toward his. My hand was shaky and I couldn't seem to steady it. I was about an inch away when he reached in and grabbed my hand.

His eyes flew open and quickly removed his hand from mind, rubbing his palms together.

"_Did you hear that?"_

I looked at him in surprise, but it wasn't what we heard, it's what we didn't hear.


	4. Chapter 4 The Cure

EPOV

My hand was still tingling form the sensation I got from touch Bella. It was like a thousand firecrackers busted inside my hand. Not in a painful way, but in a universe alteration way. But that wasn't what caused me to pull my hand away so quickly; the fact that when I touched her hand every voice inside my head disappeared…instantly.

I sat there staring at Bella, I didn't know what to say, how to feel, what to think. How on earth this girl made Edward fucking Cullen speechless again…is beyond me. She was magical.

"_Do it again!" _I urged her as I offered her my hand again. I could hear Jasper's voice, I think the boy was about to piss himself.

I watched her slowly take my hand again. She didn't hesitate so much this time. I didn't reach for her this time. Slowly she took her index finger and ran in down my palm. The second her soft warm skin touched mine…they were gone again, and a trail of fire crackers were left by her finger.

She looked amazed, like someone had just turned a light bulb on in her head. Her face lit up with a lightness I have never seen on anyone. Her smile was bright and free and honest. I marveled her very existence.

"Mr. Cullen," Banner broke me out of my Bella trance. She quickly pulled her hand away from mine, hiding them under the lab table. And everyone was back in my mind again. The sheer force of it made my head throb with a sharp pain. I looked up at Banner with pure animosity. "Miss. Swan, is everything alright?" Banner seemed confused, "the two of you have been staring at each other for the past five minutes without moving. Now you can ogle each other on your own time, on mine, you do your work." He turned and walked back to the front of the class.

"_Did you feel that?! It's like sparks or electricity. And you were gone! I didn't hear you! Edward?" _

"_The new girl… he's ditching me for the new girl? She's a fucking freak… their both freaks."_

"_Go Eddie…I would have never guessed he went for the girl next door type. As long as it's not Alice…what does he call her…oh yeah pixie." _

"_Fuck you Cullen, I'm hittin' that shit." _

I turned and looked at Mike who was looking at Bella with a blanket of lust covering his eyes. He then looked at me, in my stare I held all the hatred I had for people like him. One's who thought they owned everything. One's who think they deserve everything. Even Jasper who did apparently get everything he wanted, didn't act like a spoiled fucking brat. Even me, who was raised with money, came from a good family, had to earn my shit, that fucker was in for a rude awakening. I prayed he came to Jasper's party Saturday.

When I turned back to Bella she had her hand out ready for me to take. She was looking down, and her hand shook slightly.

"_They were gone for me too. Yeah, I felt the sparks. Kinda like firecrackers popping inside where you touched me. I've never felt anything like it before." _

"_Come on…do it again!"_

She never lifted her head, but I could feel how happy she was. Her inner voice practically screamed at me with such excitement. She held her palm up and I took my index finger and copied the motion she did to me. The pain in my head instantly vanished. She held a surprised look on her face when she looked up at me. I know why to, just my finger tip was burning; she was feeling the trail of sparks and electricity.

For the first time sense I started being able to read minds, I know wanted to read hers. I wanted to know what that smile meant, why she was blushing, why her legs were bouncing up and down.

I finally wrapped my other fingers with her hand and we began our assignment. My whole hand burned with her touch, sending tingles up my arm. We went slowly and didn't pay attention or try to beat each other in thumb war; we just ran our thumbs over each other's hand wherever they could reach.

The fucking bell rang too soon. I didn't want to let her go. She didn't either; she lifted her books with one hand, still holding my other. I copied her and we walked out of class not letting each other go.

As we walked she ran into four people because she wouldn't lift her head to see where she was going, or who was coming at her.

"Bella look up, you can't hear them coming so you can't move out of their way," I whispered in her ear. She took in a sharp breath and tensed up her shoulders. Then let out her breath and relaxed. If I didn't know better, I think she was aroused by it. I know I was forcing my dick in check.

She bashfully lifted her head to the crowded hall way and her hand gripped around me tightly. "It's alright, it's only people," I tried to ease her tension.

"I know, that's the problem." She let out an almost silent laugh. "Let's get lunch and I'll explain it to you." She followed me to my locker and I placed my books between my knees holding them there so I wouldn't have to let go of Bella. She was my cure. I opened my lock on the first try. I threw my books inside haphazardly and grabbed my so called lunch and walked Bella to her locker.

"This is so different," she barely whispered to me.

"You know, you really need to be more confidant; you have no reason to be so shy." I looked down at her; she looked over at me briefly before we headed around the corner. As we were turning the corner mother fucking death wish Newton ran right into her. She dropped her books and let go of my hand to retrieve them.

"_That's right bend over so I can see down your shirt. Damn… nice and perky."_

That's all it took. I knew she heard him too because she adjusted her shirt. I slammed him up against the locker and punched the fucking scumbag in the face. I felt his nose give out under my hard fist and blood began trickling out of his nose. I drew my fist back again and punched him in the gut causing him to keel over in pain.

"I told you, you fucking cuntwad. Next time maybe you'll listen," I turned to see Bella frozen on the floor in the middle of picking up a piece of paper. Newton didn't move and was catching his breath. Then my mysterious Bella did the cutest fucking thing ever.

She dropped her books, walked over to Newton and kicked him in the shins.

"_Now that's confidence!" _She laughed at her own doing. I agreed and laughed with her. I helped her gather her belonging and we reconnected hands without hesitation.

We made it to her locker exchanged her books for her lunch and headed to the auditorium. I hoped that skanky Jessica wouldn't show up here again today. I had my fill of that bitch already and it's only three and a half days into the school year.

"So why do you think we can't hear anything when we touch?" she asked me as she pick a piece of her sandwich off. I couldn't help but notice it was peanut butter again.

"I don't know. You've done this shit longer than me," I opened one pack of my Reese's cups.

"_You curse too much, you know that." _I looked over at her and she was picking off another bite, delicately placing it in her mouth. I unintentionally groaned at the sight of her tongue.

"_So I've heard."_

"_Why?" _

"_Why what?"_

"_Why do you curse so much?" _I was beginning to think twice about getting her to open up. I mean I wanted to know things about her, not her know things about me. Double standards I know. Fucking bite me.

"I don't know to be honest with you." I took a bit of my goddess goodness that is a Reese's. She didn't say anything about my foul fucking mouth again.

She began to sing a song, one I didn't know. So I relaxed and cleared my mind the best I could. "What about you?" I asked a few minutes later interrupting her angelic singing.

"My voice is far from angelic, but I'm glad you're not deaf. And what about me?" she threw her trash in her bag and brought her feet up into the chair.

"Why do you think that freaky shit happens?"

"I have no clue either. It could be we a canceling each other out. Either way, I was glad to have that time without anyone in my head." I caught the double innuendo to that comment.

"Touché" I agreed and put my trash on the floor.

"_You shouldn't do that. It's not hard to just place it in the trash can after we leave." _

I picked up my shit and rolled my eyes at her. Go green environmentally friendly Bella was a bitch.

"_I'm not a bitch. It's just respectful to put trash were it belongs. Besides I don't even recycle so HA!" _

I smiled at her boldness and laughed because I finally heard her say an improper word. It wasn't as cute as kicking Newton…but close.

Lunch was over and I had to leave Bella. The moment our hands parted another headache pounded my head. I was relieved that no one came looking for me because of Newton. The teachers didn't seem to know about it, and considering I just got my mistress back, the last thing I needed was for Pappy to know I got detention or suspended for knocking the shit out of little prick Newton.

Fifth period was usually a breeze, but after having he peaceful silence earlier, I couldn't focus on anything but the constant attack on my brain. They were becoming louder and it took all my strength to not yell out in class. I sat with my hands gripped firmly in my hair, running my fingers over my scar. I closed my eyes and counted backwards, taking in deep breaths.

I debated on getting my schedule changed so that I could have every class with Bella and touch her so they would all go away. It could work; the secretary eyed me every morning on my way to talk to the cracker jack guidance counselor.

Finally, the bell rang and I stormed out to my car so I could rid myself of the headache. I wanted to leave, but because of my drunken genius idea, I had to also take Bella home. That part I didn't mind, being alone with her is quickly becoming my new favorite pass time. Well almost…jerking off is still my favorite. Now being alone with Bella and her jerking me off; now that's heaven.

That thought quickly went to other wonders; like how it would feel like to have the fiery sparks trail her touch down my back; if I would feel the sparks in my mouth from her tongue; if my dick would feel internally warm with the burning fire of Bella essence. Fuck I'll never be able to make fun of Jasper again.

_*Tap tap*_

I was startled out of my daydream when someone tapped softly on my window. I looked over to see Bella standing there getting wet from the rain that was still descending from the sky. I pushed the unlock button and she sat down in the passenger seat.

"_I saw you leave, are you alright?"_

Was I alright? Umm let me think…I can't get people out of my fucking head; which causes me to have massive migraines because people never shut the fuck up, nope not alright.

She put her head down and played with the bottom of her shirt. I went off on her for no fucking reason. "_I'm sorry again_." I thought to her. I don't think I've apologized this much to anyone other than Vikki and James.

"_Who are they?" _

I looked over at her. She still had her head down and her hair was blocking my view of her face. It slightly pissed me off that she was being so fucking nosy. It was the second time today she was pushing for information about me. Information I wasn't willing to tell to anyone, not even the pseudo shrinks. "_Mind your own fucking business."_

"_Fine!"_ She looked up at me with angry eyes and opened the car door and ran back into the school. I started up the Volvo and drove out of the parking lot. I needed to be alone in my thoughts. I didn't need some fucking mysterious, beautiful, nosy ass inside my head too.

"FUCK!" I yelled out loud hitting the steering wheel of the Volvo. I spun the car around in the middle of the street and hauled ass back to the shit hole called school. I couldn't leave her like that. Why couldn't I just fucking drive away, let the nosy bitch find her own way home from school? Fucking Jiminy Cricket chirped in my head again. I'm gonna squash that fucking green bastard one day.

I whipped into a parking spot at the front of the school. The ones reserved for visitors. Fuck them, I needed to find Bella. As I was walking pass the office, the secretary came out and asked where I was coming from. I briefly answered by saying my car. I didn't know what class she had. It was now sixth period, and my somewhat chill buzz from the forest flask ditch period was slowing going away leaving me craving another smoke and another valium.

The halls were quiet aside from the lone person walking to the bathroom or office. It was, in so many words, fucking nice. I wondered the halls not knowing where to go, and not wanting to be caught by a teacher, so I instead hid in a bathroom stall drawling on a piece of paper. I never realized how tranquil a school bathroom could be. But sitting here on the shitter, I took notice.

As soon as the bell rang I flew out the bathroom; all the voice mumbled together and I couldn't bare the pressure in my head. I walked a few more steps and the pain overwhelmed me. It had always hurt switching from quietness into blaring voices. But never like this; never to the point that I felt confused and lost and to be completely honest, I was fucking scared. People were walking by me staring at me as I had my hands over my ears and my chin tucked into my chest. I closed my eyes when it started to look like people were warping into fisheye effect. I felt a layer of cold sweat break out on my forehead. My fingers clinched more tightly to my head as I forced them all to disappear.

Then I felt it…the burn…the sparks…the firecrackers…the cure. She had her tiny hand on my cheeks and they burned as silences engulfed my head. Her eyes were wide and scared; I can only imaging how terrified mine looked.

I pulled my hands away from my ears and threw them around Bella's tiny frame. I did it with out thinking. She quickly pulled her hands off my face, taking in a sharp breath and holding it. Before I knew it they all reappeared. I didn't understand. I looked up at her and she put her hands back on my cheeks…and they stopped…she took them off and they started…all the while I was still hugging her. She reached around her back and grabbed one of my hands, smiling at me timidly and she walked me to my last class of the day.

"I'm sorry again, I'm no good at this and you fucking terrify me," we waited in line to leave the parking lot of school. We held hands from the time I picked her from gym and we haven't let go since. Well once for us to get into the car but as soon as she closed her door, she had her hand waiting for me to take. I hoped she wouldn't mention my weird ass behavior earlier. I was really fucking embarrassed by that shit.

"I have a theory," she stated factually.

"Oh," that was my brilliant answer. Drunken Genius Edward could fucking do better than 'oh'.

"You know how I explain it as radio waves, well what if it's more like a combination of magnets and frequencies? You know how you can not put two negative or positive magnets together, well when we touch, we are forcing two magnets together, canceling each other out, and the sparks happens because the radiant energy from the frequencies combust." I looked at her in pure astonishment. As if it wasn't enough Bella is mysterious, beautiful, smells like tropical fruit, holds the cure in her touch, she had to go off and be fucking smart too. "What?" she asked when she caught me looking at her.

"Just enjoying the fact I can think about you and you can't hear me," I teased her. She blushed and looked down at her lap. "What's wrong? Why are you blushing?" I smiled at her, hoping my outbursts from earlier had been forgiven.

"You scare the fuck out of me too. But I already admitted that," she answered honestly. I couldn't hold it in…I had to laugh. She smiled at herself, which made me feel better about laughing.

"No fucking way Bella Swan, you keep that innocents and don't let me influence you language." I wasn't ready to taint that shit just yet. I wanted to bask in her innocents and beauty. I just knew if there was life after death, and we are surrounded by people, James is laughing his fucking ass off at me right now. "What are you doing this weekend?" Fuck me and my inability to keep shit in my head; most the time.

"Nothing, just going to finish a paper due for English and help Charlie rake leaves." She looked at me and bit her bottom lip. I swear to God if she didn't quit that shit…

"You should come with me to Jasper's party," we were finally out of the parking lot headed toward her house.

"I don't go to parties," she once again looked down as if she was ashamed. "I've never been invited to one."

"Not even birthday parties when you were a kid?" Surely she's exaggerating for the sake of not wanting to go. She lets out a stifled forced laugh and then shakes her head no. Now once again I was stuck looking like an asshole. "Well I am officially inviting you to the party then."

"I'm not sure that's such a great idea. There's going to be drinking I'm sure and possibly drugs, and I'm pretty sure the host wouldn't want the chief of police's daughter at that house." She made a good point, but that was a shit cop out.

I pulled up to her house and put the mistress in park. I'm gonna laid it out for her; "I'm picking you up Saturday at nine. Tell your dad that you are having a chick night in Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley, don't worry about the rest, I'll take care of it." I gave a wink with the panty melting smile, it caused her to blush, and that made my dick get a chub.

She placed one hand on the door and I squeezed her hand not willing to let her go. As soon as we broke hands, we were both singing to the song on the radio

"_I'll be your guardian, when all is crumbling; steady your hand…"_

I watched her walk to the door with her back pack over her shoulder, and some books hugged to her chest. I was about to make a deal with the devil, just to have more time with my cure.

BPOV

Thinking about how he looked today in the hall; scared out of his wits. I have never seen or heard such desperation coming from someone's mind. One of the oddest things about that moment; is I heard what he was hearing in his mind; instead of just hearing his thoughts. Like that was all he was thinking. I hesitated with what I should do, but then I heard him ask for someone to please make it go away. So I took in a deep breath and ignored the stares and critical comments, dropped my books at my feet and grabbed Edward's face.

I wanted so desperately at that moment to kiss him. To think of the unimaginable with him, because at this second; he couldn't hear how bad I wanted to see if his lips made mine tingle with burning pleasure.

On the drive to my house, the blissfulness that I offered him and he offered me was astounding. The thoughts that raced through my head while in his car, holding his hand, and him asking me to a party.

All through dinner the questions of the party and Edward plagued my thoughts. It even drowned out Charlie's mundane thinking of work and sports, until I turned him off. I played different scenarios in my head, all ending with my final conclusion; Edward is completely insane.

Or was I the one insane? I was actually contemplating on telling Charlie I had a "girl's night" planned with a girl who I didn't even know. I know 'who' she is. She the one who drools over Edward or Mike Newton, depending on who's in her eye sight at the time.

Now lying in my bed, I began to question Edward's motives. Did he want me there just to hold my hand so he could be somewhere and not hear anyone? Was it supposed to be a date?

I sat up from my bed shaking the random obnoxious thought out of my head. I went to my window and looked out at the black starless night. I felt like Fible and wanted to sing 'Somewhere Out There'. Instead I turned on my ancient computer and waiting for it to upload.

I rarely use it. Not because I don't want to be online, but because it just takes so long to load. I'm seriously going to have to hit Charlie up for a newer computer soon. I waited impatiently and finally the main web browser filled my room with light. I wasn't sure why I wanted to do this, but for some unbeknownst reason, Edward was constantly on my mind.

I went to the top and typed in Edward Cullen, New York; then pressed enter. I waited once again impatiently for the results to glow on the screen. Finally after using the restroom, pulling my hair back in a clip, the results slowly loaded. The first ten links where about some one else named Edward Mason Cullen, then I saw a link to a new channel that had the names Edward Cullen, James Rhoads, and Victoria McKean. I quickly clicked on the link and bounced my foot up and down with anticipation. I knew this was about him.

Suddenly I felt like a creep. I felt like I was invading his privacy by using Google to learn more about Edward. Before I had a chance to exit, the page was finished loading and the headline stared at me in the face: "Accident on Highway 27 Leaves Seventeen Year Old Dead and Two Critically Injured". This is it; this is what happen to his best friend and a girl whom I assume was or is his girlfriend.

This was so wrong for so many different reasons, yet that old saying about the curious cat, well I never realized it before but, I'm somewhat nosy. I blame it on all the years of knowing everyone's thoughts and not having to be nosy without being nosy. With Edward, he knew how to keep secrets from me. That brought out the nosy girl I didn't realize I was.

I took in a deep breath of courage, wiped my sweaty palms on my pajama bottoms and scrolled down and began to read the news report.

"Friday, June 20, Edward Anthony Cullen was celebrating his seventeenth birthday when it came to a tragic end. The teen had been drinking when he fell asleep in Highway 27 just west of Robert Moses Causeway. Passenger James Davis Rhoads was killed instantly when thrown from the vehicle. Paramedics pronounced him dead on arrival.

Victoria Ann McKean was transported to Southside Hospital in Bay Shore with spinal injuries. Doctors say a full recovery is grim.

Edward Anthony Cullen, son of renounced Dr. Carlisle Cullen was flown to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital; where he is now recovering from cranial surgery. We talked to Dr. Ryang M.D who preformed Cullen's surgery says, "Mr. Cullen is expected to make a healthy recovery. However, we are not sure to what extent his brain my have been damaged."

I couldn't read anymore. My heart ached for him. I wanted to hold him and allow him to feel the fire of our touch. I wanted to make it all go away for him. I didn't bother logging off; I simply pushed the power button on the tower and wished I hadn't read the news report. I forced my feet to carry me back to my bed. I curled up in a ball, bringing my knees to my chest. I hugged my pillow tight and I cried for him. I cried for his pain, his guilt and his loss. I cried because that is what caused him to be like me. I cried because had it not been for that horrific accident, I would never have had the opportunity to meet him. I cried because his birthday would forever be a day of mourning, instead of celebration.

~*~

I woke Saturday morning relieved that I've been able to keep the fact that I Googled Edward a secret. Friday, Edward picked me up for school and I sang until we connected. Then I was free for the ten minute drive to school. Being in school; it was easy to keep it from him; I simply kept my head focused on school, or obsessing over the party that was now today.

I didn't know the details Edward had worked out; but I did know was it involved Jessica and him this weekend. The thoughts that raked through her narrow mind the rest of the week; made bile from my empty stomach burn my esophagus.

I still hadn't asked Charlie about tonight; I still wasn't sure I wanted to go. Not only so I didn't have to be near people, but so I could relinquish Edward from his commitment he made with Jessica. Honestly, the thought of them two alone made my skin feel like cockroaches were crawling over me. I suppose it was a combination of jealously and envy; either way the dirty feeling was still there.

Perhaps some of it was guilt too.

I sat up in bed breathing erratically. I already felt the bubble of anxiousness boiling in my chest threatening to explode. As quickly as I could without falling on my face, I went down stairs to the kitchen to see Charlie was still home. I ignored his look, and filled a glass with some water and grabbed my pills that sat in the spice cabinet.

"_Christ another panic attack." _I heard his chair squeal on the hardwood floor.

"Bella lets go see Dr. Cullen again," he placed his hand on my back; patting it awkwardly in a form of comfort. I shook my head no, and took in a deep breath.

"_This child is as stubborn as her mother. I wonder if I should call Renee? Maybe she could help me." _

I continued to shake my head no; answering his mental question. Gladly he thought I was still saying no to a trip to the ER. "I'm fine," I managed to tell him. I inhaled deeply clearing the clouded haze from my head and turned his switch off.

I blame the minute attacks on being here for only a week, and with in that week I have been mentally sexually assaulted by a classmate (on a daily basis), put down (on a daily basis), in the hospital, kicked someone (I rather enjoyed that), touched someone and felt it (mental note: touch Edward as much as possible), and found silence.

I think it's fair to be somewhat on edge.

Charlie still gawked at me like I was about to spew or like I had three heads. I gave him a confused look, still with the glass of water in hand, "what?" I asked him.

"Sorry, nothing just wanted to be sure you're okay. The last thing I need it your mother on my tail," he sat back down and took a sip from his coffee. He snapped the newspaper open and continued to read the sports section. Which I found somewhat pointless, considering he fell asleep on the couch last night watching some sort of sports news network.

"Oh Bells, Billy and I are going night fishing today, so don't worry about fixing diner, I'll give you a few bucks and get yourself some take out and relax." He folded his paper and refilled his coffee.

"Um Dad…" I noticed it was the first time I referred to him as dad to his face since being here. Go figure I used at the moment I was about to lie to him, and was going to need to butter him up. "I got invited to Port Angeles tonight with some girls at school; I wanted to know if it would be alright if I went tonight?" I bit my bottom lip and hesitantly looked at him through my eyelashes.

He looked floored. He sat there with the paper in his hand halfway unfolded and his mouth ajar. He raised his eyebrow at me and nodded in agreement, "Of course, I'll give you my card. Just don't spend too much okay."

I smiled at him and I could feel he lightness on my shoulders and the warm feeling inside my chest. "Thanks!" He looked back at his paper with a smirk on his face. I could tell by his face he was happy I wasn't being a hermit; I didn't need to read his mind to read his face.

I went back upstairs to change for the day. I still had to rake the leaves and bag them. Outside I listened to my Ipod and sang along with most the songs. I found this didn't occupy my mind as much as I wanted it too. With each pull of the leaves I debated on not going to the party; I came up with excuse after excuse. I came up with everything from doing homework that I had already done, cleaning that was already done, and I couldn't even use my stupid period as an excuse, because that wasn't due for another seven days; which just so happens to be my eighteenth birthday.

I was bending over bagging up the leaves, moving my body to the beat of the song, when I felt someone tap me one the shoulder. I screamed out of fear as I spun around to see Edward laughing at me. I pulled my ear plugs and my face was warm with embarrassment.

"_You stupid ass, you scared me!" _

He stared to gain his composure when he heard me yell at him. I dropped the rake that I wanted to rake over his head with (yes pun intended), and held out my hand waiting for him to take it.

"_Your dad is here right?" _

"_Yes, why?"_

"_I don't want him to come out with a loaded pistol and knock me off."_

I looked at him oddly.

"_You screamed bloody murder and here I am a stranger talking to his only daughter… and here he comes…"_

I looked over at the door to see Charlie flying out the screen door onto the porch.

"Bella what happen? Who are you!" he stalked over to Edward.

"Dad this is Edward Cullen, Edward this is my dad," Edward looked scared. His face was a pale white and his eyes about bugged out of this face.

"Cullen. You're Dr. Cullen's boy?" Edward smirked devilishly and reached his hand out toward Charlie.

"The one and only," he answered "nice to meet you Mr. Swan. I was just driving by and saw Bella and wanted to ask her about our biology project we are partnered for."

"_Watch the perfection known as Edward fucking Cullen. Take fucking notes too." _

I let out a small laugh and Charlie shook Edward's hand.

"Oh, well when I heard Bella scream, I though something happen." He looked over at my way.

"I just didn't hear him come up, I was jamming to Firehouse." I answered him honestly.

"Anyway, nice to meet you Edward," Charlie turned and walked back up the stairs and into the house. I noticed he left the front door open and when in the kitchen he opened the curtain to the window over the sink.

"So that's Chief Swan huh, I pictured someone larger, like Arnold," he said in a horrible impersonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger. "He's more like Charlie Baileygates. Are you sure he's not gonna break out with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage?" I laughed at his little joke, because honestly Charlie did look like Charlie.

"I think you're safe," I looked down at the pile of leaves "I better get back to work if I'm going to finish in time to go to this stupid party with you," I looked up at him. He was smiling and genuine smile.

He held out his hand to shake mine. As soon as we connected I felt the fire, around and in between my fingers. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy this small insignificant moment of pleasure.

"_I can't wait. This is going to be a night to remember, I promise."_

"_Bye Edward."_

EPOV

I drove off from Bella's grinning like a fucking idiot. I made the phone call I'd been dreading to make all day.

"Hello," her screeching voice answered. I breathed in deeply reminding myself this was for Bella.

"Hey, it's Edward," I finally answered.

"Oh hey! I've been waiting for you to call sense yesterday." I pinched the bridge of my nose while being stopped at a red light. "So it's a deal then right?"

"Yep and I swear to you, this stays between us. I'll fucking deny it till the day I die if I am confronted about it." I grounded my teeth together praying she understood from the tone of my voice I was serious.

"You should be more grateful. I'm doing you the favor really. And don't worry, I can keep a secret."

"How do I get there?" I rolled my eyes and gripped the steering wheel tightly. She gave me directions to her house and I drove there very, very slowly.

I honked my horn alerting her I was there. No fucking way was I going to attempt to be some sort of civilized gentlemen to this…apparent slut.

"_It's for Bella…It's for Bella…_"

I repeated the mantra as Jessica practically skipped to the car. She waited outside her door like I was going to get out and open for her. I rolled my eyes and leaned over and opened it from the inside.

"_It's better than nothing. I can't believe this is happening. I knew I'd get him."_

She closed the door and settled into the seat. I loathed the idea of her sitting there. She's fucking contaminating Bella tropical scent with some musky perfume that smells similar to the hookers back in New York.

"Where to?" I asked in a bored tone, as I pulled away from her house.

"Take a left then take the second right, you'll dead end into the park." She fidgeted with her hair and turned the radio station.

"Let me make this clear, we are not together. We are not friends with benefits. We aren't even fuck buddies. This is a one time deal and it is to never be spoken of." I looked at her dead in the eyes. She looked down and I noticed her self confidence got knocked down a few pegs. I then turned the station back to what it was before. I hadn't touched it since Bella put that station on yesterday after school.

"_Fuck he didn't have to be so fucking rude. Maybe I will blab my mouth to Angela. No, I'll tell Lauren, that girl can spread a rumor like crabs. Come to think of it I think it was her who started that round of crabs last year." _

I put the car in park and waited for her to make a move. She unbuckled her belt and started climbing in the back.

"No, I'm not fucking in the car." I reached in the back seat grabbing a back pack and exited the car waiting for her to follow me.

We walked down a narrow trail and found an open spot off the trail and pulled a large towel out of the bag. I laid it out and Jessica made herself comfortable. I looked down at her in disgust. "If you want me, you're gonna have to get me hard," I stated simply with no show of enthusiasm. I pulled out a condom from my pocket and threw it onto the towel.

Jessica stood up on her knees and used her finger to call me towards her. She was attempting to be seductive but was failing miserably. But it's what I came to do so…

She managed to get my pants to my knees and my dick was still limp. She ran her hand up my legs and placed my dick in her mouth. She twirled her tongue around my shaft as I started to get chubby in her mouth. Not that is was fucking amazing, but wet plus warm equals a hard Mr. Poon; regardless of whom is giving me head.

"Take your pants off," I ordered Jessica and she pulled her head away from my now hard cock. She laid there half naked on the towel and I knelt down between her legs looking off in the distance so I didn't look at her face.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" she asked as I rolled the condom over my cock.

"No," I placed the head of my dick at entrance of her not so wet pussy and was thankful for the small amount of lube on the condom.

"_I don't care then. I'll take what I can get for now. One day he'll forget all about the dip shit Isabella. Fucking freak."_

Sheer anger was behind the push that forced me into her, hard. My dick hardened slightly against my will, at the warmth of her. She let out a soft moan and snaked her hands around my waist.

"_Oh wow…I should go to kiss him."_

I forced myself into her hard and relentless again.

"_Umm yeah…Oh I'm going to marry this man."_

I had to close my eyes so I could just get off and get out.

"_Ok I'm kissing him."_

She ran her fingers over my back up to my hair. I moved my head away and shoved my dick back into her hard.

"I'm not here for that shit," I said, to her pulling out and pushing back in. "You can moan, you can arch your back, you can get yourself off, you can ride Mr. Poon, you can not touch my fucking hair." I stopped and looked at her face.

I had to think about anything but what I was doing, yet concentrate on fucking Jessica just so I could get off, take her home, and go fucking shower for an hour. Meanwhile her thoughts concisted of different positions and wondered to a fucking wedding. Who the hell thinks about weddings the first time you fuck someone? Knowing it's just that…a one time fuck?

I finally felt the urge deep inside my stomach and I pulled out and jerked myself off until I blew a load in the condom. I wasn't taking any chances.

I got dressed and she used the towel to clean herself. She handed me the towel and I just opened the backpack and she placed it inside. I wasn't touching that shit.

She contemplated on how she was going to get me to fuck her again as I drove 60 mph back to her house in silence. As she was opening her door, I started to feel a morsel of guilt.

"Thanks," I said as she stepped out. She smiled awkwardly at me and said "you're welcome." She closed the door and I pealed out as I press the accelerator to the floor and high tailed it home.

I went straight to the laundry room unzipping the backpack and shaking the towel into the washing machine and throwing the backpack inside with it. Up stairs I started the shower and stripped out of my clothes throwing them on my bathroom floor. I didn't even want them to touch my other shit. I was debating on burning them, or just washing them three of four times.

I washed my body twice…my goods a few extra, and just stood there letting the water run down my back, knowing what I just did was about immoral as fucking your sister.

"Edward honey, you have a phone call," my mom knocked on the bathroom door.

"Thanks," I turned off the water wrapping myself in a towel. I opened the door slightly and reached my hand out for the phone.

"Hello?" I held the phone with my shoulder and attempted to dry my hair off without dropping the phone.

"Um it's Bella," I dropped the phone and quickly recovered it.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you to call," beads of sweat began to form on my head. Fuck I'm fucking…fucking fucked! I mentally berated myself.

"I wanted to tell you that I was going to drive myself to the party but I don't know where it is." I have never been so relieved.

"I'll meet you at the school, Jasper lives right around there."

"Okay, see you at nine," and she hung up the phone without saying goodbye - again.

Shortly after, I got called to dinner by my favorite person in this house; pappy. Just the sound of him knocking on my door was condescending.

"So why are you dressed like you're going out?" Carlisle looked up at me over his fork full of pork chop.

"I had plans with a couple of guys from school to go to Port Angeles for a movie," I never looked up at him as I chewed on some green beans.

"_Oh Christ, here we go again. Carlisle needs to ease up on him a little." _

"_You'll be leaving this house over my dead body."_

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Edward." I dropped my fork on to the plate and looked over to Esme for some help. I gave her the best 'but mom' look I had.

"Carlisle, I think you're over reacting, it's just a movie." She looked at him sternly. That look always fucking worked on her.

"_Fuck, I know he thinks I am just being a hard ass because of what happen, but I don't want anything to happen to him. He's my only son." _

"Dad look," I spoke up to him, "Am I going to be on your shit list for the rest of my life because I made one…one mistake? I have a 3.7 GPA that has never fallen, I'm not on illegal drugs, and I haven't gotten some chick knocked up, I made a mistake. I was drinking and I made a fucking bad decision I get it, but please can you let it go?"

"NO, I will not just let it go Edward; you killed someone because of that…"

"Enough!" Esme slammed her hands on the table causing all our dishes to clank. Standing up from her seat she looks at Carlisle, "Carlisle it's time to let it go. He doesn't need to be reminded of what happen. I'm pretty sure he lives with the guilt everyday. And Edward, you need to start acting like you want your father to forgive you instead of walking in going straight to your room and locking us out of you life." She sits back down and replaces her napkin on her lap and takes a sip of her red wine.

"Can I be excused?" I mumbled to Carlisle through clinched teeth.

"Yes you may, and be home by midnight," Esme looked up at me without a smile. "You fuck up Edward; I will not stand up for you again." I looked at my mom dumb founded. I had never heard her curse out loud. It sent fear straight to my bones.

"Thank you mom," I stood and scrapped my plate into the trash, rinsed it off. I ran to my room, grabbed my cell and a jacket and ran out to the Volvo before Pappy could disconnect the battery.

It was early but I didn't care. I'll drive around this shit town for two hours until I had to meet Bella. I was seething at Carlisle. I was seething at Esme. But mostly I was seething at myself.

There was only one person who could help me, one person who I wanted to talk to. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number, praying she'd answer.

"Eddie!" her voice rang threw the phone and I instantly felt home sick.

"Hey Vikki," already I felt calmer, "sorry I'm calling late but I need someone to talk me off my fucking clock tower." I attempted to laugh, but it came out more like a scoff.

"Carlisle?" God she knew me well, "you should know by now to ignore that shit head. I don't have to tell you again, what happen Edward, was not your fault." I didn't understand how she was so forgiving.

"Vikki, can I ask you something?" I avoided this question for the past two months. "Do you blame me for killing James?" I took in a deep breath preparing myself for the wave of nauseating guilt.

"I blame everyone Edward," fuck I knew it. She lost far more then me. She lost her lover and best friend. She lost her dreams of going to the Olympics and racing. She lost her scholarships for track, she lost an entire life she had planned; all because of me. "Not just you, but myself and James. I blame Laurent for throwing the party and his stupid cousin who brought us all the alcohol. I blame the paramedics for not getting their sooner, it's not just you Eddie, and you need to not carry that around anymore." I was crying now. I hadn't realized it but I was driving on Bella's street.

"I'm sorry," I cried to her. I found myself parked in front of Bella's house with my face in my hands crying like a mother fucking pathetic baby. "Forgive me please, Vikki. I need to hear you say you forgive me."

"I can't do that yet. I love you Eddie I do. You are the closest thing to a brother I have, but I'm still angry about it all. I haven't forgiven myself. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you have an asshole for a father, I'm sorry they took you across the country and I don't have you anymore. I'm sorry I didn't talk you out of driving. But I'm not ready to forgive, I hope you understand." She was crying with me now. Her sobs and her words sent the dull pain in my chest into a feeling of my insides tearing at the seams.

"I understand, umm… I have to go." I hung up the phone and stared at Bella's house. I took in deep long breaths to stop my baby blubbering. Charlie's cruiser was gone and a single light lit up a room upstairs. Just as the silhouette of a petite girl, that could only be Bella, appeared in front of the curtained window, I realized then, that I couldn't let her come.

I watched as the silhouette of Bella took off her shirt and put her hair up in twist clipping it up. I watched her walk out of sight and my dick was already hard. She was a teasing vixen and she didn't even know it. I adjusted myself because the angle king cock was growing in hurt like a bitch. Pervert, I spoke out loud to my cock.

I needed to go talk to her now before she gets ready. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror and I looked like hell. Fuck it; I couldn't hide this from her even if I tried. I waltzed up to her door and rang the bell.

She opened the door slightly, "Edward?"

"_Please…" _was all I thought as I held out my hand for her. I didn't want her to read me I wanted to tell her the not so truth about me not going to the party. She instantly opened the door all the way and took my hand in hers. She pulled me inside and guided me upstairs.

She didn't speak as we sat on her bed. She just waited patiently looking down until I was ready. I was thankful she wasn't being nosy like earlier.

"I'm not going to the party," I stated simply. I was hoping I wouldn't have to elaborate on the reasoning. The look on her face was stoic. Not surprised or hurt by what I had just said.

"I understand," she said, as she took in a deep breath. "No biggie, I'll just see you Monday at Bio." She shrugged her shoulders and it dawned on me what she was thinking.

"Bella," I used my free hand to pull her chin up forcing her to look at me. I wondered what the sensation felt like on her face, as her eyes met mine. "It's nothing to do with you really." I looked downing knowing it was all about her. Maybe I should just tell her.

The look in her soft brown eyes made my heart thump against my chest. She pulled her lips in her mouth, running her tongue over them, leaving the bottom one between her teeth a bit longer. She really was clueless on how seductive she was. Or maybe I was just a teenager with to many fucking hormones.

My lips ached to feel hers. I ran my thumb over her lips watching them as they parted slightly at my touch. Her eyes were closed and I had a sudden urge to break all contact just to hear what she was thinking. I leaned forward slowly, not wanting to take advantage of her, but wanting desperately to know what she tasted like.

Then I did it. I softly pressed my lips to hers. The contact sent my lips on fire as little firecrackers shot off in every nerve. I moved my hand up and cupped the side of her head, running my fingers in her chestnut brown hair. My heart raced wildly as she parted her lips just the tiniest bit allowing my bottom lip to slide between hers. I went to deepen our kiss. I ran my tongue over her top lip then…nothing. The sparks were gone, the heat was gone…my cure was gone.


	5. Chapter 5 More Poon

Chapter Five

EPOV

She pulled away from me disconnecting lips and hands. I quickly moved my hands out of her hair.

"_Holy Christ. Oh my God. Jesus. Lord. Wow he kissed me. Christ ol' mighty he fucking kissed me! My first fucking kiss."_

She sounded like a Pentecostal preacher praising God with the exception of two very sexy expletives. I opened my eyes to see Bella staring at me with wide eyes and a look that I had never seen before. It wasn't fear really; it was a mix of passion, fear, want, need, surprise, and lust.

She reached for my hand again to prevent me from hearing anymore of her thoughts. I quickly took her hand in mine; melting in her hand.

"Fuck Bella, I'm sorry," I had to turn away from that fucking stare. It was making my dick harder and the last thing I wanted was to get harder in front of Bella after one kiss. "I didn't mean to…" I ran my fingers through my hair, "well I did mean to, I don't want you to think I didn't want to…its just…fuck me." She looked up at me with confusion in her eyes. I though about how what I said sounded, "No… not fuck me like 'fuck me'," I even did the fucking finger quotes; still holding her one hand, "well at least not yet. I didn't mean that either." I must have sounded like the fucking idiot that I felt like.

She started laughing. She was bent over in laughter and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I'd ever heard. I heard her giggle; I heard her laugh a little, but this - this was true laughter.

"Oh Edward, shut up," she said, as she released my hand grabbed the front of my shirt and brought me toward her face again. I was a breath away from her lips. I could feel the heat radiate off them.

"_Say it, Bella."_

"_Kiss me."_

I didn't need a second invitation. I stuck out my tongue licking her lips quickly as I closed the millimeter of a gap between our lips.

BPOV

His lips on mine felt like bursts of tingles and fire and electricity. I finally had my first kiss, and it was with the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. My heart bounded in my chest and I knew he had to hear it. I know I could feel his heart beating, from where I still held his shirt gripped in my fist. I honestly didn't know what to do. So I referred back to books I've read and movies I've seen.

He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me toward him more, as he leaned over me, parting his lips and brushing his soft tongue along my slightly parted lips. I mimicked his actions hoping I was doing it right.

I must have been. He opened his mouth and forced his tongue inside mine. I froze briefly before pushing mine into his and I felt the warmth of his breath upon my tongue. I brought my hands up into his hair, tilting my head slightly; he pushed himself into me farther, forcing me to lean sideways on my bed. His fire burned my mouth and face as I longed to have his fire burn me on and in every inch of my body.

I felt the tingles in my stomach erupt and push up to my chest and down my legs. A tight ball of energy was pushing against the inside of my lower stomach and it begged for a release. He brushed his hands up along my legs to my inner thigh and I unwillingly laid back allowing him to take over me. The urgent feeling of need caused me to thrush my hips forward toward his hand, as he by passed my crotch and slid his hands under my shirt.

His touch left sparks and tingles and fire on my stomach as he traced the top of my pants with his long lean fingers. He slowly ran his hand flat on my stomach and I felt the sparks radiate off each digit. I pulled myself closer to him, using my hand still gripping his shirt to deepen in our kiss. I was burning everywhere. I felt like I was going to explode. I untangled my fingers from his hair and ran them down his back finding the bottom of his shirt. I ran my hand along his bare skin and he hisses at the contact of the tingles. He was grinding his hips into my crotch and he hit my sweet spot causing a different form of fire deep inside me.

Then, in that moment, I knew this was not how I wanted to lose my virginity. I wanted to be with someone I loved and who loved me back. Not like this, not because of typical teenage hormones.

As much as I wanted it, I had to stop Edward. I removed my hand from under his shirt and move it back up to his hair. I slowly eased our kissing. Finally, he removed his tongue from my mouth and pulled away from me. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful wild eyes shine with desire; desire for me. I bit my bottom lip as he gave me a mind boggling smile that caused that ball of energy to try to force its way out.

"Tell me to stop, and I will," he cooed, at me with a soft seductive voice. My hands were still in his hair. How I wanted so badly before to do this.

"I'm sorry, I…" I felt embarrassed by my actions and what I was about to say "I can't have sex with you," even as I said the words my vagina and hormones cursed my brain. I felt the rush of heat on my face as Edward ran his thumb over my cheek down to my lips.

"I've wanted to do that all day," he said smiling at me.

"I've wanted to do that all week," I admitted shamelessly. We stared absentmindedly at each other until I remember why he came by in the first place. "Why aren't you going to the party?"

He sat up taking my hand to pull me up. I curled my legs up pulling my knees to my chest and resting my head on them. One hand wrapped around legs and one gripped firmly on to Edward's hand. His face grew serious and he ran his fingers through his hair again and again. He pulled his eyebrows together like he was thinking deeply on an answer. This can't be good.

I waited patiently a few minutes before he finally spoke up. "I'm going to be honest with you. You deserve that much from me." He looked down at his lap and his eyes peeked over toward me. I felt shamefully about what he just said. Here he is telling me I deserve honestly and I have kept a secret from him, he deserved honestly too.

"I know," I blurted out without thinking.

His face when ghostly white, "you know?" he asked, in a shaky voice. I nodded my head yes, ashamed of what I had done. "Fuck man," he put his hand over his face and I noticed a thin sheen of sweat begin to form on his brow. "How?" he looked over at me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It was stupid and I swear it won't happen again Bella, I can fucking promise you that."

I googled him and he's apologizing?

"I googled your name," I waited for him to get up and leave but he didn't. He sat there dumbfounded. His expression went from worry, to confusion, to relief, as he started chuckling madly.

"You know about the accident!" he laughed again. Why he was laughing is beyond me. I don't think it was something to laugh about. Maybe his head trauma caused more damage then I expected.

"What did you think I was talking about?" he shook his head cautiously.

"I was just so worried to tell you, thinking you'd hate me and you already knew. I don't know what the fuck I am doing here. I don't know what the fuck you're doing to me, and I don't know why I'm not getting shit faced right now."

"Edward," I put my head down slightly, self-conscious of his words, "I don't know either." There was a double meaning behind my statement. Truth is I didn't know why he would be interested in someone like me, when I knew for a fact ninety percent of the girls in our school would worship him. Yet here he is on my bed. I didn't know why he would waist his time coming here.

His cell phone rang and he rolled his eyes. I let go of his hand and started sing the first song that came to mind

"_Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep. Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat…"_

He looked at me and smiled sweetly at me as he answered his phone taking my hand again. "Hello?" a short pause "yeah, what time is it?" another short pause "call you in a minute, later man," he closed his phone and slid it back in his pocket.

"I have to go," he said, as he kissed my hand. I shook my head knowing all good things must come to an end. We walked downstairs uneasily hand and hand. Before I knew that holding hands in school was platonic, no strings attached no feeling, no romance; just silence. This however felt like more. The aura around him, the added heat in his touch, the glassy haze in his eyes all showed signs of excitement, hunger, and desire. Or maybe that is just want I felt and what I wanted to see.

We got to the door and I opened it for him. He walked out and I dropped my head and his hand at the same time.

"_Bye," I_ started turning around headed back up to my room to wallow, contemplate, and maybe for the first time masturbate too.

"_So what, you make out with me in your room, I almost get to second base, and now its just bye?" _

Before I could speak he spun me around by my arm and crashed his lips to mine. I would never in an eternity tire of the exotic feeling his kiss gives me. I closed my eyes and lost myself in this insignificant moment. Well, to me it was monumental, but to a normal person, and most likely to Edward, kissing was a way to pass time from boredom, not love or feelings.

He pulled way leaving me breathing heavy and wanting more flames. He smiled and turned at walked out the door. As he left he finished the song I was thinking of earlier

"_Someone like you…"_

EPOV

My lips still burned from Bella. I could still smell her tropical scent on my jacket and taste her toothpaste in my mouth. I opened my phone and dialed Jasper.

"Hey fucker where are you?" he answered, without saying hello.

"Hello to you too, I just left. How do I get there?" he proceeded to give me directions to his house and we hung up.

The drive to Jasper's was quick, he only live about three miles from Bella. As I pulled on to his street, cars lined up on each side of the road, and some in his front lawn. I had to reverse out of the street and park around the corner.

As I was walking up the street, I lit a cigarette readying myself for the loudness of people's inner thoughts. I half wished I had brought Bella, just for the sole purpose of silences. But, I didn't want to push this on her. She was too nice, too vulnerable, and too naive.

No, only I was allow to pollute her, not all these other fucks with their dirty thoughts and crude gestures. Damn, I sound like some possessive ass that has some sort of ownership to her. When in reality, I have no claim to her at all. She isn't my girl, she's only my cure.

As I approached Jasper's small house, the music level was outrageous and I knew the police were going to be joining us sometime tonight.

"_Fuck, this shit is rockin'."_

"_Oh fuck, I think I'm gonna puke."_

"_One more drink and I'm bound to hit that shit."_

I rolled my eyes. Drunken people's thoughts were just as bad as sober thoughts; only a little slurred. I ran my fingers though my hair gripping a hand full. The slight pain of pulling helps ease the pressure of the others who invade my mind daily. I scurried off to find Jasper in the kitchen pouring shots in to some glasses as three girls lined up ready to toast.

"Cullen! Fuck man 'bout time," he set down the bottle and picked up two of the shots "Sorry, bro's before hoe's ya know." He handed me one and we slammed it down. He gave me a half hug, half pat on the back pulling me over to where he was standing before.

"_Umm…seeing him now only adds to what I want to do to him."_

"_Jasper is so hot. I bet he's gay though."_

I picked up the third shot and held it up to a girl I recognized but didn't know, nodded my head in agreement to what she was thinking and slammed the second shot down.

"You might want to take an easy on the Jazzmisters Mystical Magical Fuck You up Shots." He smiled goofy at me, then went to the fridge and pulled out a container of liquid and refilled the liquor bottle.

"And what the fuck is that?" I pointed to the container.

"That rookie is a secret."

"_Oh shit, she's here! Oh God."_

"Here," he handed me the container and walked off. I turned to see Miss. Pixie waltzing with the long haired, beautiful blond from school. I looked at the container and took a long swig from it. Shit was good.

"So Edward, where did you move here from?" I looked over at Jessica sitting beside some girl who though Jasper was gay. She had the googly eye thing going on.

"_Take me in the bathroom and fuck me again please."_

"New York and no," I took the full beer she held in her hands from her and walked off. I needed some silence.

I walked down the hall and tried the doors. Two were locked, one was a closet and one I assumed was the bathroom. There was a line against the wall of mostly girls waiting. As some chick exited the bathroom, I cut in front of everyone else closing the door behind me. As soon as the door closed they were gone and I heard the verbal bitching and loud music coming through the walls.

Jasper's crazy ass drink was already starting to give me a buzz. I ran some cold water over my face. I wanted Bella here. I was such an ass to be lying to her. I bet if I called, I could still get her to come. I opened my phone and dialed her number.

"Hello," she sniffled as she answered.

"Bella, hey it's Edward," I spoke to loudly into the phone.

"I know," she was… crying?

"Are you crying?" Crap, I was an ass.

"No. What do you want?"

"I want you to come over to Jasper's. I changed my mind and came. He's like right around the corner from you. Three miles tops, can you still come?"

"I don't know. I already changed."

"No bueno Bella, I'm coming to get you."

"No. I'll come just tell me how to get there." Yes victory! I gave her directions and walked out of the bathroom to see Newton hovering over some chick with his hand on her tit and tongue down her throat. She seemed to enjoy it by grabbing his ass pulling him forward.

"Disgusting Newton," I said, as I passed by him. I walked back out to the living room giving up on the idea of peace and quite. The techno music blared from all over, the bass caused pictures on the walls to rattle, a few drunken classmates danced exotically in the middle of the floor. I walked with my head down sitting on an empty chair in front of a coffee table.

Two girls were on the table doing a strip tease for anyone who would notice. Most the guys in the living room were fighting to keep their dicks in their pants long enough to go jerk off in the bathroom instead of right there in front of…I looked up to see who it was dancing…Miss. Fucking Pixie and her blond friend. I also saw that none of the guys in my head were Jasper.

I didn't know whether to feel sorry that he was missing the show or glad that he wouldn't have a serious case of blue balls for the rest of the night. I know as I watched them, I had to think of my Grandparents fucking to keep Mr. Poon at ease. I took a long drink from my beer, enjoying the show more than I should.

The song ended and Pixie came and sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting in. Blondie sat on the other.

"_Fuck it, why not. Why shouldn't I get laid? I mean really?"_

I looked over at Pixie and smiled. Took another long swig from my beer, I had to find Jasper quick.

"_She is not going to fuck this shit. She can do so much better. I mean come on, who the fuck wears a pea coat?"_

"Hey, you're in my Bio class right? Edward?" Pixie smiled at me and placing her hands in between her legs pushing her cleave up with her arms as she leaned over and whispered, "lets get out of here," in my ear. My dick twitched at her voice. It was sweet and gentle and I could picture her screaming my name as I banged her doggie style.

"Yeah, you're Alice right?" I knew who she was. I can see now why Jasper was all puppy dog over her. I knew she was cute, but girl had the second most perfect face I'd ever seen. Beautiful dark brown almond shaped eyes, a straight small nose, her lips were to neither full, nor were they thin they were just perfect. Well, not quite as perfect as Bella's, but close.

"Yes she is and no your not." the blond spoke up. For as beautiful as she was, her voice was as annoying as Jessica's. I wondered if maybe she had heard my thoughts. But that would be too out there.

"There you are fucker," Jasper entered, "come on." I stood to follow him.

"Well, come on," I looked back at Pixie and Blondie. They go up and followed us to the kitchen. Jessica was still there. She was now hitting on the big brut from Bio. If I'm not mistaking it was also fucktard Newton's partner.

"_I swear I am not letting her out of my sight. She always gets a little too friendly after she's been drinking."_

"Jasper, why don't you get Alice and her friend here a shot of the shit you gave me earlier," I gave him a sly smile. He smiled back.

"Excellent idea Edward," He turned to grab the bottle from the fridge.

"It's Rosalie," blondie looked over at me giving me a nasty glare.

"Alright Rosalie, why don't you pull the board out of your ass and relax, it's a fucking party," I handed her my beer and she looked down her nose at it. Stuck up bitch.

"Thanks!" Alice chirped, grabbing my beer and tipping it up. Jasper laid out four shot glasses and filled them all up. I looked down at my watch. It had only been seven minutes since I talked to Bella. Fuck I wish she'd hurry up.

"Cheers!" Pixie toasted and we held up our glasses, tapped them on the table then shot them back. Stuck up bitch, blondie smelled hers and took a small sip, deciding it was good enough for her then shot it back. As soon as we finished our shots we heard a bang then a crash and someone yell, "Oh fuck." This is never good when you're talking about drunken teenagers. Jasper ran out of the kitchen.

"What the fuck! Newton, you fucking shit. you're paying for that!" I heard him yell from the other room.

"Poor Mike, always breaking shit. Soon he's just not going to be invited." Pixie took my beer again.

"_Wow those eyes, I've never seen anyone with such green eyes before. So fuckable. Umm, I can see us now."_

"Alice," I had to stop her head from going completely gutter trash talk, "where's the fucking bathroom here?" Yes, I'm fucking lame and couldn't think of anything else to spew out of my mouth at the moment.

"Oh, I'll show you," Blondie stopped Alice from walking off, giving her the 'don't you fucking dare' look. Pixie rolled her eyes, "Please mother, I'll be fine."

"Yeah Mom, I can hold my own dick, I won't need her for that part," I laughed at her and Alice joined me.

"_I would so hold your dick."_

"_I'm coming after them in five minutes."_

I followed Alice out of the kitchen. Jasper had Newton up by his collar still yelling at him.

"I'm fixin' to whoop your fucking ass," apparently when Jasper is drunk, his hillbilly accent comes out a bit more then normal.

"Easy cowboy," he looked over at me with pure anger in his eyes. Cowboy was fucking pissed.

"_I'm gonna fucking puke my guts out if he doesn't stop slinging me around."_

"Seriously Jasper, he looks like he's about to puke on you," Jasper looked over to him and as if on cue Newton vomited down the front of Jasper.

"_Fucking shit! That did NOT just happen in front of Alice…fuck me."_

"_Eww, that's fucking gross, I am so not helping clean up after this party."_

"Bathroom?" I looked over to Alice, who looked a bit green, herself. "Come on, I'm not having your ass puke on me."

"I think it's too late," she managed to say. I grabbed her arm leading her toward the bathroom, thankfully by some miracle it was empty and she followed me in, shutting the door and locking it behind her.

"_Sucker…"_

She began to walk toward me

"_I'm going to give him the best blow job he's ever had."_

I walked backward running into glass doors that covered the tub.

"_That's right my sexy green eyes, no where to go."_

It is a known fact that there is only enough blood in a male body to go to only one head. And 99.9% of that blood in a teenage boy goes straight to his dick. I am part of that 99.9%. Watching Alice's tiny frame dressed in skin tight jeans, a sexy tight top that showed too much cleavage, stalk toward me like she was a tiger on the prowl and I was her meal, made my mind go completely blank and my dick go completely hard.

She made it over to me, running her tiny fingers up my chest. She stood on her tippy toes kissing my neck right below my ear. "I'm going to suck your dick now Edward," she placed another kiss, "do you have a problem with that?" she licked a line along my jaw bone, stopping at my chin. "Do you?" she asked again. I looked down at her shaking my head no. "I can't hear you," she kissed down my neck stopping at the hollow of my throat.

"No," I answered weakly. The alcohol was kicking in more, and I felt slightly dizzy. She gripped my hard dick, squeezing it gently. Oh fuck.

"I didn't hear you," she stood flat footed in front of me.

I cleared my throat, "No," I answered again.

"_I didn't think so."_

I watched as she knelt down on her knees and unbuttoned my pants. I flattened myself up against the shower door more, franticly looking for something to grab on to. I closed my eyes in anticipation of her moves. She slowly unzipped my pants and they fell pass my knees straight to my ankles. Mr. Poon rejoiced at the freedom and greeted her by standing to full attention.

He'd make such a good little solider.

"Wow, a commando boy. I like." I opened my eyes to see her lick her lips and move slowly toward me. She palmed my dick up against my stomach and licked the bottom part of my shaft, from base to tip.

My vision started to blur as I watched her wrap her lips around Mr. Poon. He praised her mouth and I closed my eyes again enjoying the feeling of Miss. Fucking Vixen Pixie. She moved fast and my hands found their way to her short black hair. Gripping it firmly I started thrusting my hips forward fucking her mouth.

She grabbed my hips, looked up at me and took my entire dick in her tiny mouth. I felt the tip of my dick slide down her throat. My eyes rolled in the back of my head and moaned with sheer pleasure.

"Oh fuck, do that again," I pushed my dick back in her mouth she smiled slightly and hummed, causing liquid vibrations run through me. She looked up again allowing access for Mr. Poon and she pulled my hips forward again as he slid effortless down her throat. It was too much. I felt my balls tighten and I tried to pull out of her mouth. She grabbed my ass and pulled me back down her throat again.

"Fuck Pixie," I moaned as she took me down again causing me to cum down her throat.

She gracefully stood up, licked her lips, "Pixie huh? I like it." She wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand, "and if this gets out, I'm castrating you and mounting your dick on my mantel."

She winks at me then thanks me before she turns and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me with my pants around my ankles and a post blow job look on my face. At least she closed the door behind her.

I pulled my pants up and for the second time ran cold water of my face. My refection in the mirror was hazy; what ever was in the shots Jasper was feeding me was seriously kicking my ass right now. I turned the water off and dried my face.

"Fuck," I yelled loudly at myself.

There was a soft knock at the door, "Edward? Are you in there?"

My heart started to beat rapidly and my stomach rolled. I'm pretty sure I was going to fucking puke.

I was fucked. I just let Pixie give me the worlds best blow job and Bella was right out side the door.


	6. Chapter 6 Forgive me?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, I just like to make them say dirty things :)**

**A huge thank you to my readers, I love you hard core. Thank you to Lulu for helping me beta this madness. I am in the middle of editing this story, so you might notice after this chapter, the internal thoughts will not be in quotes and there might be some grammar issues. Bare with me, I am working on it :)**

**Enjoy and please review.  
**

* * *

Chapter Six

BPOV

I watched Edward drive down the road as I began replaying the past ten minutes of my life, over and over again. The tight toxic ball inside me was still searching for release. I closed the door and found my way upstairs to the comfort of my favorite place; my bed.

I changed into some soft cotton lounge pants and an oversized long sleeved shirt. I ran my hands over the area where Edward had sat. My body longed to feel the unfamiliar burn of his touch. I lied back on the bed, running my hands over my stomach, mocking the Edward previous path. It didn't have the same effect so I gave up, sighing in frustration.

I crawled under my covers, grabbing my book, forcing myself to focus on something other than Edward Cullen. It seems like most of my free time is spent either thinking of or forgetting to think of him. Needless to say, forgetting him was impossible.

I placed my book back on the nightstand; removing myself from under the covers to lay on top of them with my face buried in the spot were he and I laid kissing.

I could still taste a hint of cigarette in my mouth, which I found to be extremely foul, but under the circumstances, extremely erotic. The scent of his boyish cologne lingered on my bed. I locked the scent in my memory, vowing to never wash the comforter again.

"UGH," I let out a groan, "get a hold of your self. You're acting like some sort of love sick imbecile." I sat up reluctantly, getting out of my bed. I stood, looking at the bed; it would never be the same again. It wasn't just a piece of furniture where I slept alone every night; no, it had to be the location of my first kiss. It would be the place where I let my guard down and allowed myself to feel hope that Edward could really like someone like me.

Now, it taunts me.

I went down stairs and turned on the T.V. I aimlessly flipped though the channels till I found one of my favorite movies; which also happen to be the worst movie you can possible watch when you're trying to not think about a boy.

Soon my favorite, yet most dreaded part was coming. The girl was reading angry sweet poetry in front of her class, and I was on the couch curled in a ball, crying. Never had the line, _"I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind" _ever struck me so fiercely before. That is going to be me, the laughing stock of school with the new mysterious boy, who gets her heart broken.

The sobs pulsated threw me violently, as I soaked the end pillow of the couch. I was startled when the phone in the kitchen began to ring. I looked up at the clock to see it was nearly ten.

I wiped my cheeks took in some cleansing breaths before answering the phone.

"Hello?" my voice was still shaky. It was Edward. His voice made my heart beat wildly and my mind was lost for words. He, as I much expected, did go to the party, and _now_ he wanted me there. I gave the poor excuse of not being dressed, but it was in his words "no bueno" my stomach did a funny flip flop at the sound of him purring Spanish. Before I knew it, I was agreeing to go and writing down directions.

Much to my accord, I quickly stumbled-fell up the stairs, my heart still beating wildly from the abnormal influence he had over me. I put on my clothes on from earlier, its bad enough I was actually going to a house party, thanks to that abnormal influence, I wasn't trying to push the boundaries of what xanax can make me accomplish.

I grabbed my jacket and ducked out of the house before Charlie arrived and followed the directions to Jasper's. I think he's the boy in our Bio class.

My stomach felt raw as my diner was on the brink of finding its way out; via the way it came in. My heart was still pounding erratically. The palms of my hands were moist, despite the cool Forks night air. I should have taken him up on picking me up, I had forgotten about my flat tire. I held my hands inside my jacket, not allowing cold air to creep up my arms. Three miles really isn't that far, and it would only take twenty minutes to walk. I could use the time to gather my wits.

"_Calm down…geesh it's just a simple party. It's not like you're going to be walking into a house full off vampires or something. Their just teenagers; young, normal human teenagers." _

On top of my internal pep talk, the fresh cool night air help calm my nerves. It was eerily silent, the only sounds were of leaves wrestling in the trees, and the scurrying of wild life. A few times I heard an owl hoot as I walked along the roads that had no sidewalks. It made me have a paranoid feeling, as if I was being followed or watched. I knew it was non-sense but I couldn't shake that feeling. I opened my mind allowing everyone inside. If someone was there, I would know before they made a move.

This curse had never seemed so useful before.

I picked up the pace of my walking to just below, 'Bella falling flat on her face because I was walking to fast', pace. I recognized Edward's car and I turned down Jasper's street. I could already hear the music. I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear drunken thoughts. I was nervous enough without hearing what they thought. I slowed my pace as I merged onto Jasper's driveway.

Jasper was outside yelling at the pig faced Mike Newton. As I walked around them to the stairs Jasper caught sight of me.

"You're Isabella right?" he asked.

"Just Bella," I corrected him.

"Cool, hey Edward's in the kitchen. Help your self while I finish taking out the trash," he held onto Mike by the neck collar.

"Dude, let go seriously Jazz, I'm gonna puke," Jasper let go of him and he turned quickly and threw up in the bushes along side the stairs I was climbing.

I winched at the sound of Mike hurling. Vomiting truly is the most disgusting thing humans do. I shuddered and quickly walked into Jasper's house.

The music was too loud and people were everywhere. I recoiled and did my best to not touch people. The house smelled of beer and liquor with a heavy smell of smoke. A few people sat on the couch passing what I assumed, was not a cigarette. A blond girl stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed, she looked angry and I made a point to walk behind her. I made my way into the house farther and I found the kitchen.

There were people playing a drinking game at the table and two girls sat at the island pouring themselves shots. A group of people stood off to the side talking, but I didn't see Edward. I went back the way I came looking in the living room again. On the other side was a hallway, a girl I recognized from Bio, Jasper's partner, walked into the living room wearing a bright, confidant smile on her face.

The blond however didn't seem so amused. As I walked pass the two girls, I couldn't help but overhear their exchange.

"You didn't," the blond spat.

"No. Well kinda," the short girl answered.

"Alice seriously, what am I going to do with you?" the blond seemed to thaw the tiniest bit.

The hallway had a few doors, all closed.

"Excuse me, where's the bathroom?" I asked a random person standing in the hallway talking to a few other people.

"Right there," he pointed. I smiled, thanked him and walked to the door.

I heard a very familiar voice yell a very familiar expletive. My heart leaped in my throat and I had to swallow it before I could speak.

I knocked softly on the door, "Edward? Are you in there?"

I heard a crashing sound followed by another 'f' bomb.

"Umm…" I pressed my ear to the door "yeah, fuck." There was a short pause. "Shit," I couldn't hold it in anymore; I started laughing to myself hearing him crash things around in the bathroom.

"Okay, well I'm going to go…"

"NO! Just wait there," he cut me off slurring his words slightly. His voice seemed panicked and slightly high pitched.

He opened the door standing before me looking worn out and his eyes were hinted with red and drooped slightly.

"_Please Bella." _He held out his hand for me to take. I looked back at the people talking behind me._ "I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Please I really need you to take my hand."_

His thoughts were muddled and it seemed he struggled to complete the thought. I took his hand in mine. My body eased at our connection. With one hand still holding mine, he pulled me into a soft, warm embrace. I breathed in his boyish cologne again. It was polluted by the smell of booze, smoke, and a faint hint of girl.

"Thank God you're here. I swear if I had to listen to another drunk fucktard go on about how they wanted to get laid, I was going to commit murder." He released me from our embrace, smiling. His face looked more relieved, "come on, lets get you a drink," he said, with a wink.

"I don't drink," I held my head down, ashamed that I wasn't like the rest of the people here. He stopped and turned to me. He touched my chin and I smiled at our spark.

"I didn't mean alcohol, I saw some soda's in the fridge," he forced me to look at his face. "I like the fact you don't do that shit. It's what makes you better than all these other girls," he smiled and my walled heart took another brick down.

I let him lead me to the kitchen were the same group of people still sat, with one exception, Jasper was now pouring some bottles together in a large container.

"That shit right there," Edward nudge Jasper with his elbow, "is the devil on steroids." Jasper started laughing.

"Told you rookie," Jasper turned to see me standing beside Edward. I couldn't help but notice the smile that grew across his face. "Bella, want one?"

"No she doesn't," Edward spoke for me. "Even if she did, I wouldn't let her touch that shit. Seriously Bella, never drink that," he pointed to the container that Jasper was now adding another type of liquor to.

"Gotcha," I said, looking around cautiously. I saw people were starting to look at Edward and me. I heard giggles coming from the two girls standing on the other side of the island. They look over at us and turn away quickly, whispering to each other.

I gripped Edward's hand firmly. I looked down trying not to compare myself to them. I knew that girl Jessica didn't stand a chance with Edward. I knew how much he despised her.

"Jasper!" a voice behind me sang. I turned to see the short dark haired girl waltz up behind us, making her way to the host.

She must have startled Jasper because he managed to spill some strong smelling liquor on the counter. "Shit. Hey Alice," Jasper turned around and met her perkiness with his own.

"Edward," she said coyly. I noticed the sparkle in her eye when she looked at him. "Hi, I'm Alice," she held out her hand to me. I went to let go of Edward's to shake her hand and introduce myself. For some reason Edward squeezed my hand, unwilling to let it go. I looked up at him with a confused look.

I jerked my hand away,

"_Wow he works fast,"_ Alice thought

"_Fuck, shit, fuck." _I looked up at Edward. He was running his hands through his hair, pulling the ends a bit. "_Fuck don't think…don't think…fuck she can hear this." _

"_I wonder what her favorite flower is. I bet roses. She's the simple elegant type." _I looked over at Jasper. Of all the things to think; he really is an honest person.

"Bella," I said, as I took her hand. For as fragile as she looked, she had a firm grip.

Edward quickly grabbed my hand again, sighing in relief.

"Well, it was nice meeting you formerly Alice, we were just leaving. Hillbilly, catcha at school," Edward turned on his heals, pulling me along with him. People parted for him as we made our way to the front door.

Something was up. Grant it Edward had been having a hard time dealing with the vast assault on his mind with large crowds, but he seemed…off. He was clearly intoxicated, but the crease in his forehead was way beyond mind reading and drunkenness frustrations.

"Give me," I said as I held out my free hand. He looked at me weirdly as if he didn't comprehend what I was asking for. "The keys, you're not driving." I stated soberly, no pun intended.

"Bella, I have never let anyone drive my cars before," he dug in his pocket for his keys, still walking to his car. I stopped in my tracks.

"Okay, bye," I said, releasing his hand. I turned and began to walk down the street toward home.

"_Maybe this time you'll kill yourself," yes_, I know that was a bit harsh. But from what I understood, drunk and logic doesn't mix. Neither does drunk and reasonable.

"_That's fucked up! Fuck you. You don't know what you're talking about."_

"_No?" _I stopped and faced him. I had my hands crossed over my chest. I was beginning to become angry. "_Did you not get into an accident a few months ago, drunk?"_

He ran his fingers through his hair. I was learning that was a sign of frustration. Gripping and pulling his hair at the end of the stroke was his way of looking for a release. I use to do it for the same reason. Now, it's just a habit that leaves me with constant bad hair days.

"_Fuck you," _he turned and started going back to the party.

"_You can't keep secrets from me forever. Eventually, I'll hear what is really going on with you tonight."_

I turned and walked back down the dark desolate streets, to the comfort of my bed that mocks my lust for Edward.

EPOV

I couldn't believe this shit. She seemed so innocent and kind and here the bitch was spewing venom at me like my fucking father! I know I've been drinking, but I wasn't wasted. Not like I was on my birthday.

No, fuck her. I don't need her. Cure or no cure, I'd handle it myself. Obviously, it's possible to control it, I'll figure that shit out alone.

I stalked my way back to the party. She was right about one thing, I couldn't keep secrets from her, and now, I don't give a flying fuck if she hears about the fucking jumping bean or the vixen pixie. Fuck, right now, I don't feel bad about her fucking piece-of-shit truck either.

I stopped short of Jasper's front door. I turned to see Bella walking down the street, with her head down, hugging herself. She pulled at my heart strings. I wanted to follow her, I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that I wanted spend every second touching her. Not just to make them all go away, but because she was soft and honest. She didn't hold back when she spoke her mind. But beyond that, it was like she was my lunar twin.

"Aren't you gonna go after her?" I turned to see Jasper standing before me cigarette and beer in hand. I thought about it for a minute. Should I go after her? Why should I? All she would do would be fucking honest and logical, and reasonable.

"Fuck her," I said, taking his smoke.

"Seriously dude? She fucking walked here, at night, alone, just to see you and you're saying 'fuck her'?" He looked at me quizzically, with one eye brow raised.

He was right. Jasper and all his manly confidence, that seemed more and more like a New York metro sexual, was right.

"Fuck you too," I said, taking his beer, "and you metro-sexuality." I turned and walked quickly after Bella. At least I had nicotine and alcohol.

I inhaled another drag, gaining courage to face her. Her thoughts were hurtful to hear. So I apologized over and over again to her silently. If anything else, at least I still had my dignity to people around me. But when it came to Bella my dignity ceases to exist.

"_I wish I would never have met him. You knew this was going to happen. Why didn't I just listen to myself! Friends equal pain, plain and simple. And I can hear you coming behind me so just go away!"_

I put my head down as I ran up behind her. I touched her carelessly on her hand that was at her side and she pulled away from me leaving my hand cold and empty. I was a fucking degenerate.

"_At least you got something right."_

I couldn't help but smile at her.

"_I really am sorry about what I said," _I tried for her hand again to no avail._ "You know that place between your mind and your mouth where you know you shouldn't say something but you do anyway? Well I don't have that."_

She stopped walking and faced me. Her lips were tight and set in a thin line, her eyebrows were pulled together, and her little hands were clinched in fists at her side.

"Look," she spoke out loud, her voice calm and collective. This worried me more. "I was just fine on my own before I met you. I was happy and peaceful. Now, you have me crying while I watch movies, going to teenage house parties, which by the way seems as smart as your penis, and I can't even look at my bed without seeing you in it. You are selfish and you don't care who you hurt, as long as you get what you want. So I thank you, Edward Cullen, for turning my life into a circus act and allowing me to toy with the notation that not all people are assholes." She turned and walked away only to stop two steps ahead of me, "you have completely proven the fact that I shouldn't have faith in the human race, specifically ones with penises." She turned and ran toward her house, leaving me standing in the middle of the street, flabbergasted.

What was fucked up though; she's right.

I knew I couldn't follow her on foot. So I did the next best thing. I ran to my car, started her up and drove behind Bella, lighting her path as she walked home.

As I lied in bed, I couldn't get Bella out of my mind. She apparently knew about Jessica and Alice, by her little sly comment about Mr. Poon. He was deeply hurt by her accusation that he wasn't intelligent. Hell, I thought he had some pretty good skills.

So now, not only did I not have any mind to mouth connection when it came to Bella, nor did I have any dignity, I'd do anything to feel her flames, but she managed to put my overly exuberant confidence in Mr. Poon in check.

I must be masochistic because I wanted more.

~*~

My head was no longer throbbing, as I leaned out my window beginning my morning routine. Cigarette, valium, shower… today though I'd forgo the jerking off. Mr. Poon is pretty much as ease.

The events of the Saturday night left me feeling immoral. I usually wasn't the one who really valued much of morality, but even I can see that I fucked up. Not only did I screw shit up with Bella, but with Jasper also. I only prayed that Alice was serious about not telling anyone and praying to every God imaginable that Bella had her shit turned off until I had the chance to talk to her first.

That's going to be one fuckary of a conversation, _"Hey Bella, I know you're not my girlfriend, but I thought I'd tell you that I banged Jessica Stanley so she'd cover for you Saturday, and that was before I made out with you. But don't worry I didn't kiss her or anything. But afterward, I let Pixie suck me off in the bathroom right before you showed up. But I didn't touch her really, only her head." _

Perhaps editing would be in the best interest of all parties.

I inhaled the cool morning air before I flicked my smoke across the yard. The sky was a beautiful shade of orange as the sun was rising. I liked this part of Forks, the calm silence of the morning. People weren't honking their horns and rushing in to the city to be a corporate tool.

I still wondered what people's minds were like back in New York. After my accident, I never had a chance to find out. It was hospital, room, and move. That would be an interesting study, comparing the minds of a small north Pacific coast town to the minds of the largest city in the United States.

I took one last breath of clean air and closed my window, dragging my feet to the night stand where I kept my sanity. I only had two left. I'd have to sneak into Carlisle's office later to snag a prescription paper.

After showering and the relentless bantering of Carlisle at breakfast, I was on my way to Bella's. Why you ask, because I'm a fucking moron and I needed to make things right with her. I don't know _why _I wanted things to be peachy-fucking-keen with us; I just _needed_ it to be.

As I pulled on to her street, my heart began racing and knots formed in my stomach. I suddenly felt like vomiting as I park the mistress in front of her house. I saw that she had gotten her tire fixed. I debated on waiting for her, but decided I was starting to have borderline signs of stalker, so I drove to school enjoying the calm before the storm.

It truly is eerie.

I pulled up to the student parking lot anxious to get the day over with. The valium I'd taken this morning hasn't fully kicked in. I removed my bag and saw Alice and Rosalie walking across the parking lot laughing. Who'd a thunk it, the stuck up bitch does smile.

I quickly walked over to them calling Alice's name to grab her attention. They stopped and I ran up to her slightly out of breath. Smoking is killing my ass.

"Hey, can I talk to you a minute," I looked over at Rosalie and smiled kindly, "alone," I added at the end. Rosalie huffed, but turned and walked toward the school ahead of us.

"_He's damned lucky he didn't do shit to Alice. I'd personally have his balls mounted on my mantel."_

I swallowed the lump in my throat, turning back to Alice. Women around here really wanted men's balls and dicks removed from their bodies. And they say New Yorkers are bad…

"What's up?" she asked, all perky. Chick must be living off of coffee or energy shots.

"_Don't ask about it please, I want to forget it happen, if Jasper ever found out he'd never like me."_

"About Saturday…" I stared before she interrupted me.

"_Fuck he remembered. I swear Lord, I'll never drink again…well maybe not never, but I won't do dirty things in bathrooms anymore…I promise." _

"Saturday is not to be spoken of…remember?" her face turned stern and she looked around the parking lot making sure no one heard us.

"_Please don't tell Jasper. Please… please… please…"_

"I know, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I know it sound fucked up but can you not even think about it?" I asked, feeling like a dip shit.

"I haven't thought about _it_ after I walked out of the bathroom at the party, why would I now? Anyways, I don't remember it too much honestly. No offence to you," she smiled slightly at me. Mr. Poon took another hit and my confidence was knocked down again.

Fuck, I miss New York.

"Okay good. That's all," I turned and walked to the other side of the school were Jasper was leaned up against the brick wall. He was looking down and his hat low on his head. I couldn't see his face, and he offered me no 'hello'. But then again, he didn't offer a verbal assault that I actually deserved. He was thinking of Alice, a very flexible Alice.

I took out my smokes leaving him to his thoughts. I offered him one and we smoked in silence. I really wish he wouldn't think of Alice, I had my own images I was trying to rid myself of.

"Do you believe in fate?" he looked up at me with a very complex look in his eyes.

"What?" I choked a bit on the smoke I was inhaling. "Its too early for philosophy dude, seriously, it's like seven thirty."

"She stayed the night," his faced turned to pure happiness and pleasure. Here I was thinking the thoughts were fantasies, I hadn't guessed it was memories.

"I'm happy for you hillbilly," I said, taking a drag, trying to stifle a laugh. "I just saw her and the bitchy blond go into the building," his face lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.

He flicked his cigarette, that was only half done, and ran to the front doors. Poor puppy dog, I thought to myself. I flicked my smoke and turned to see Bella walking into the school. I picked up my pace to a slow jog.

Goodbye dignity, see you in hell.

"Bella," I called out loud unnecessarily, "wait a minute. _Please, let me explain._" I added mentally. Not everyone needed witness my groveling.

She didn't even look up. She just put her head down and quickened her pace.

"_I'm sorry okay. I was drunk."_

I reached my thoughts out to her just in time for her to open the heavy metal door and it click behind her, leaving me and my feeble thoughts alone.

~*~

I stood outside the door of Biology, allowing other pimple faced classmates to enter. I raked my fingers through my hair. Every person who passed was another hit to the dull pain already stirring inside.

Fuck, I can't do this. I closed my eyes and held my breath. I franticly searched in my pocket for my last valium.

Bella was just inside and I knew as long as this door was closed she couldn't hear me. I took a moment to gather my thoughts, or rather, push some out of my mind. I racked my brain for a good song to sing to her.

Yes, you can say it…again. Pathetic, loser, dickhead, fuck face, douche bag…all of the above.

"Mr. Cullen, are you going to join us sometime today? Or learn from the halls?" Mr. Banner opened the door, staring at me with irritation. I found the song and began singing as I entered the class.

"_I know I've been mistaken. But give me a break and see the changes that I've made…"_

I prayed my mental singing sounded half as good as hers.

"_I don't hold your imperfections against you. I hold you rude behavior and your uncontrollable hormones against you."_

I looked at her dead in the eyes. Her face looked angry. Her lips pursed tightly, her eyes squinted together, and the famous arms crossed over her chest. She was looking at me straight in the face. That, I was not use to.

As I sat down next to her I had an ailing feeling in my stomach.

"_Will you at least let me explain?"_

Honestly I didn't know what she knew. I tried to force myself in her mind farther. It was pointless, she wasn't thinking of what she was really pissed about. It could be Jessica, Alice, perhaps my so loving drunk personality, or all of it.

Not that I fucking deserved her, but I had to try. No matter what, I had to fucking try.

"_Don't look…don't look at him…" _Jessica looked back at me and smiled. "_God he's so gorgeous. I want to feel him again, I really want to grab his head and have him kiss me on every inch of my body." _She faced forward, "_I will fuck him again."_

Fuck me please tell me Bella has her shit turned off. I look over at her not moving my head to see her expression. She was shaking, tears running down her face, looking at me, her jaw muscles pulsed with anger.

"_Fuck you, _again_? Was that before or after you kissed me?!" _

"_Bella, please I did it for you…"_

"You did it for me!" she yelled out loud, as she stood up from her chair. Mr. Banner fell silent from his lecture. I grabbed her hand to make her sit back down. Every pair of eyes in the class turned around to see one furious Bella. She pulled it way, grabbed her books and started to run out of the class, I saw Jessica stick her foot out in the isle and Bella fell face first to the floor, her books crashed loudly and papers were strewn across the middle isle.

"_Oops." _Jessica laughed at Bella mentally. "_He will be mine!"_

"_Oh my God."_

"_Fucking bitch, way to go Jess," _Newton would receive an extra beat down for that comment.

I was frozen in my seat. I saw Jasper look back at me with a worried look on his face. Alice also looked back at me. Then out of no where the big brawny guy that was partners with fuck head Newton, hurried down the isle and helped _my_ Bella off the ground.

That sent a wave of jealousy through my body. He was fucking touching Bella! I quickly slapped myself, stood up fast causing my chair to fall backwards, hitting the floor with loud thud. "Get you fucking hands off her," I stood behind the big fucker. He stood up from kneeling down and I fully realized _how _big this dude was.

I stand 6'1", he was my height with about eighty pounds of muscle more than me. He didn't speak. He just stood there between Bella and me. I saw her leaning down picking up papers. I tried to step around him and he moved to mock my movements.

"Don't you speak English, move!" he raised his eyebrow at me and shook his head no. I heard a chair move and then Alice was on the floor with Bella picking up papers.

"_You little piss ant what are you gonna do? I watched people fuck with her all last week, you're not becoming a problem for her, I'll see to that." _

"Edward, Emmett, you two, sit down, now!" Mr. Banner slammed a ruler on his desk to grab everyone's attention. He yelled out just in time to stop me from answering his thoughts. I was glad, not only did it save me from exposing my fuckary, but it took the attention off of Bella. I stood my ground waiting for burly fuck head to move first.

It was one of those, "I have a bigger dick," moments.

"I said now," Mr. Banner raised his voice and slammed the ruler on the desk right behind Emmett. I tighten my jaw and turned and sat back down at me desk.

"_Bella, I'm coming over to your house later. I will explain this to you… I promise I'll make it right."_

She stood up with Alice handing her a pile of papers, she turned back to me and her face was crimson from the embarrassment and tears. I put my head down in my hands, guilt riddled my emotions.

"_You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be kind. You were supposed to be honest. You're nothing."_

"Alice, why don't you follow her and make sure she's alright," Mr. Banner handed her a hall pass and Alice walked out after Bella.

I looked up when I heard the door click everyone was looking between me and Jessica.

I wasn't one to hit girls. That shit just isn't kosher, but that bitch would pay. Some how, she'd pay.

I instantly thought of the blond bitch Rosalie. I wondered how much money it would take to have her go all ape-shit on Jessica.


	7. Chapter 7 Epiphany

Chapter Seven

BPOV

Even as she humiliated me I still envied her. Edward touched her, he had sex with her, and he would never have sex with me. He would never touch me that way. I was now pretty positive the kiss we shared, was merely pity from a way ward thought that had escaped my mind without me knowing.

No, I would never be _that_ girl.

In class, kneeling there on the floor, all I wanted was to calm down enough to not hear her and the rest of the class, but I couldn't. Most the class felt sorry for me, and a few laughed internally, as well as out loud. It was the pity that I detested more. Even as the brawny boy stood up for me and the tiny girl from the party helped me, the fact that they were doing out of mercy didn't escape me.

I crammed my papers in my books haphazardly and ran from class.

I honestly didn't know how I felt at this moment, sitting in the girls' bathroom locked behind a flimsy metal door, coated in brown paint; ironic I thought to myself. Shit brown. The same color of my eyes, my hair. Not like Jessica's crystal blue eyes, her soft curly black hair. I was boring, plain, average, ordinary… all the things I wanted to be; until a few days ago when a sexy boy from New York sat beside me in Biology. Now the paradox of it all was somewhat comical.

I sat on the cold floor leaning up against the wall facing the metal door when I heard the door open and light foot steps enter. I closed my eyes quickly and began counting backwards.

"_Calm five. Breathe slowly four…"_

A tear fell down my cheek as I watched the feet under the door come closer to my stall. I found the wave and followed it through my brain, turning off my switch. Had I only done this in class, I wouldn't have heard Jessica and her reminiscing of Edward.

"Bella?" a soft friendly voice spoke out loud, "Mr. Banner sent me to check on you, are you in there?" a soft knock on the stall door made me jump slightly.

"Yeah," I said, wiping the snot from my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. The toilet paper seemed too far, and my body refused to function the necessary way to retrieve the harsh, sandy tissues.

I watched her feet slide out from under her and she slid down the wall resting her self on the cold, dirty bathroom floor. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Not really," I answered honestly. I was embarrassed enough; I didn't need to add to my misery.

"Ya know once when I was a freshmen, I was wearing the cutest cotton skirt that bellowed up when I twirled, not that I twirled in school, but anyways, you know that boy I sit by in class, Jasper?" she paused, waited for me to answer, when I didn't she continued, "well the skirt didn't have buttons or snaps, it just pulled up over my waist. And Jasper thought it would be funny to pull the skirt down as I was walking in the halls. It wouldn't have to so bad had I not been wearing a thong." She laughed as she reminisced about her experience, "I was so embarrassed I didn't come to school again for three days." She fell quite again.

I couldn't see Jasper doing that, he liked her so much. "Why would he do that when he's basically completely in love with you?" I asked, absent mindlessly.

"He is?" her voice squealed slightly with excitement. I slapped my hands over my face realizing what I had just done.

"Um, yeah Edward mentioned something to me about it the other day," crap how could I be so careless? Just saying Edward's name made my heart clinch and skip a beat.

"Are you and Edward dating?" the curiously in her voice piqued an all time high.

"Uh no, I am not dating that lying piece of crap," tears formed in my eyes again, I blinked them back. He wasn't worth my tears. "Why am I crying anyway?" the verbal diarrhea flowed from my mouth freely, not caring someone was actually listening. "We aren't dating, so what he did with Jessica really isn't any of my business. I mean who cares what he does with her! His tiny little penis isn't my problem!" I stood up angry unlocking the door.

Alice sat on the floor laughing slightly. Yet, she had the most horrified look on her face.

"He fucked Jessica?" she stood up facing me. I nodded yes and rolled my eyes. I was officially a rumor starter. And ya know what, it felt good. It felt rebellious and not average. "When?" Alice asked, as the horrid look on her face grew wider.

"Apparently, Friday or Saturday, could have been Sunday. I'm not so sure really," I shrugged and walked past her to the sink. I splashed some cold water on my face, "might have been at the party, I found him in the bathroom, he was really nervous and really wanted me to hold his hand, so I know now, he was hiding something," I pulled out some paper towels dried my face off.

When I turned Alice's face was pale and almost looked green. "So you're okay right? I mean do you want to go back to class with me?"

"Sure, I'm not going to let him dictate my life. He can go fuck off," I said, with a smile picking up my books from the floor where I left them in the stall.

"Yeah, fuck him," she said, with a slightly hysterical laugh.

We walked back to class in silence. Re-entering class posed more of a problem then I liked. Every head shot up looking at the front of the class, not to pay attention to Mr. Banner, no, to look at the girl who freaked in the middle of class.

I looked down at my feet as I made my way back to the chair beside _him_. That is what I will call _him_ for now on…simply _him_. I placed my books quietly on the wooden desk top, determined to not drawl anymore attention to myself.

As soon as I sat, I realized God hates me. There is no if – ands- or butts about it. God. Hates. Me.

Edward sat there distraught; his hand running through his hair constantly trying to release the pressure. I could feel the anxiety rolling off of him and I had to fight the urge to grab his hand to help relief the chaos in his mind. I could smell his musky cologne, the hint of cigarettes, and gum. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip drawling it in to bite it gently. I was fixated on the image of him. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut harder, willing his ears to close, as if that would really help. I've been there.

"_I'm really sorry, please; I'll beg if I have to just please hear me out okay…for us."_

That's all it took for me to remember that I; Isabella Marie Swan; hated _him._

"_Us? Are you seriously that delusional that you think there is an "us"?"_

"_There could be. I know how you feel about me; I can feel through your mind. I can feel the way your body reacts to mine. The way you burn when we touch. I feel all that too. I want that every single day."_

Just in time the bell rang.

I virtually sprinted to the bathroom ready to hide from the world. I ran into four people and almost one wall. I couldn't get far enough away from _him_: his smell, his voice, and his stupid sexy hands that ran through his stupid sexy hair. This has to be unhealthy.

I waiting inside as other students came in, smoked cigarettes, gossiped, and primped… all the things normal teenage girls do. As the bathroom fell silent I pressed my ear to the door, the halls sounded quite as well. The late bell rang and I let out a throaty groan as I peeked out the door being sure no one was in sight. I took in a deep breath and opened the door fully, stepping out in to the hallway.

"_You can't hide from me."_

I jumped at the sudden words dropping my books for the second time in one day.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. _Are you okay? I'm gonna kill that bitch personally!" _ Edward's smooth voice was like liquid ecstasy flowing in my mind. The way his frequency engulfed me, left me yearning to touch him. His very presents gave me a sensation of weakness.

But I refuse to be weak.

"Do you make it a habit of stalking girls?" I asked, as I knelt to the floor again to pick up my belonging. He knelt down with me; his hand brushed mine as we went to pick up the same piece of paper. The faint tingle of electricity lingered in my hand and I caught him smiling.

"I'm not stalking you. I just want the chance…"

"Look, you don't have to explain anything to me okay. It's nothing. I was fine before you came, and I'll be fine when you're gone."

"That's not true and you know it! I can _feel _what you're thinking Bella, you want this," he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest, "as much as I want that," he pointed to my heart.

I jerked my hand away from him, leaving it cold. He was right though. Through his thought's I could feel his agony of what he did. I could feel how much he wanted this to work. It was like I was inside him; inside his mind, heart and soul.

Panic began to rise in my chest and tears started to form in my eyes. I needed to be strong. I needed to fight this feeling. I did not need him, he was unhealthy.

"_Just leave me alone Edward. I think you've done enough damage."_ It came out as more of a plea then the demand it was suppose to sound like.

I stood leaving the rest of my things on the floor and ran out to the comfort of my truck. Charlie would understand. I would tell him I was feeling sick and I needed to leave school, because I needed to leave here. I couldn't see him again. It ripped my insides with each word he spoke, sorry or not, I don't think I'm strong enough to face this daily mental abuse.

I needed to leave Forks.

That night as I cooked Charlie dinner I thought about the best way to break the news, I had made up my mind and I was moving back to Arizona with Renee.

Edward Cullen would no longer be a part of my life. More like, he would no longer be my obsession.

Charlie sat at the small round table reading the sports section of the newspaper. He seemed so content, so at ease. I hated that I was about to disrupt his on slice of heaven.

"Dad, wanted to talk to you about something," I stated, as I placed his plate in front of him.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, did I tell you Billy and Jacob were coming over for the game tonight?" he picked up his fork and shoved a large bit of spaghetti into his mouth. "Wow Bells, you really out did yourself, this is delicious," he added a gratifying "yum" as he forked another bite into his mouth.

My heart broke a little more, "oh really, that's cool. I can cook some more for them. Do you think they'll be hungry?"

"Jacob's always hungry," he laughed slightly and took a swig from his beer.

I put more water on the stove and began to cook more food. Before to long, Billy and Jacob arrive at the house. I leaned up against the counter focusing on tuning them out.

"Hey Bella, smells great in here," Jacob's tall lanky body appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Thanks," I looked down, embarrassed by the compliment. I reached up in the cabinet grabbing two plates and place two manly heaps of spaghetti on each of the plates.

"Here I'll help," he grabbed one plate, accidentally touching my hand. I couldn't help but notice that I didn't feel a thing. No warmth, no sparks, no fire…

"Thanks," I said again. I must have sounded like a degenerate to Jacob. I followed him into the living room where Charlie was helping Billy into the recliner.

"I got it," Charlie griped to Billy.

"You're gonna throw your back out again doing this," Billy retorted to him.

"I am nine months younger than you old man, my back and I will be just…ugh fine," Charlie stood up holding his back.

"Told you," Billy laughed.

I grabbed a T.V. tray from beside the couch and set it up for Billy, "smells great, thanks Bella," he picked up his fork devouring the food.

"Welcome," I walked to the other side of living room heading for the back door.

The night air was chilly against my skin and the ground surprisingly dry. It hadn't rained all day, and it was fairly sunny. I walked out to the old swing set Charlie still had in the back yard. It was covered with rust; undoubtedly a biohazard to any child, but long ago, I spend hours in the summer swinging as high as I could.

The wind blew slightly causing the old swing chains squeak as it moved back and forth. I walked over to it, pulling the swing, testing the strength of the chains. I flipped the seat over, and sat down, swinging softly back a forth with my feet still planted firmly on the ground. My luck, the chains at any moment were going to break and my rear was going to be planted firmly on the ground.

I looked up and saw the one star that wasn't hidden from the clouded cover night time sky. Every so often the moon's Cyclops eye would peer from behind a cloud and cast faint shadows on the ground.

I would miss Forks and all its greenery. I would miss the smell of freshly fallen rain, the sound of wolfs off in the woods howling at the elusive moon. I was trading it all in for the hot sun and gritty brown sand that burned your feet.

I leaned down to take my shoes off, resting my bare feet in the cold, damp grass. It sent shivers up my legs and I laughed out loud as I swung back and forth going higher and higher, allowing the grass to tickle the bottoms of my feet as they brushed the ground.

"Looks like fun," I turned my head quickly, jumping a bit in the swing. The added jerk caused the eroded chains to finally give out and I was sent to the ground with a hard thud. "Are you okay? Bella, I didn't mean to startle you," Jacob grabbed my hand helping me up off the ground.

"_That little mother fucker."_

I brushed the back of my pants off, forcing a smile "I'm okay. I was just lost in thought; I didn't hear you come out." I looked around the back yard coming up empty. I could've sworn I heard _him_.

"Wanna share?" his bright white smile shined in the dark night. I looked at him confused, "about your thoughts."

"Oh, um, not really. It's complicated and I really do not want to think about it," _about him,_ I added mentally.

"It helps to talk. Before my mom died she said that it was the quickest way to a clear soul," he looked down at his feet and in that moment the moon rare appearance came through the clouds casting a beautiful soft light on to Jacob's face.

He was beautiful, in the innocent way. His soft features mixed well with his long black sleek hair. Not like _his, his_ were strong, chiseled, rough and sexy.

"I'm thinking of moving back to Phoenix with my mom," I blurted, without really meaning to. Jacob looked at me confused and slightly hurt. "Its just not working out the way I had thought."

"Charlie's gonna be really hurt." He looked at me, pulling his hair back in a pony tail, "why?"

"Oh um, well…" what was I going to say? The truth?

"Is it a guy?" Jacob's face was full of concern. I almost wanted to let my guard down and hear his thought. Almost… When I didn't answer he shook his head with disappointment. "You shouldn't let someone control you like that; you're so much stronger than that."

"Control? He isn't controlling me; I'm controlling myself. I made this decision." I defended myself.

"Maybe you did. But he's controlling the reason," he winked at me and walked off into the house, leaving me standing alone, barefoot and awake.

Edward a-hole Cullen would not control me, I wasn't going anywhere. In fact, I would stay, and make him grovel for his forgiveness. As unhealthy as he may be, truth is, I think I love him.

Merely thinking the words sound insane. I don't believe in love at first sight, or soul mates, or destiny. I create my own destiny. What I had thought before about fate bring him to me was crap. Pure unadulterated crap!

I put my shoes back on and started walking to the house. I heard Charlie, Billy, and Jacob yell at the T.V, so I decided to walk around front and swing on the porch swing.

Hopefully I wouldn't end up on my butt twice tonight.

EPOV

Another philosophical question to ponder, how do you think of _not_ thinking? I thought this the entire ride over to Bella's. I forced the thoughts of Alice and Jessica from my mind. All though, the way Jasper pictured her was much more interesting then my own thoughts. Those were the thought I was trying to not think about.

What I needed was a crazy fucking mad scientist to erase my memory. I mean screw saving the newts, the government needs to fund some jacked up, acid riddled genius, who can erase people's memory.

As I pulled onto Bella's street, I started to sweat, I felt like I was going to puke, and (let me swallow my pride…again) I felt like I wanted to cry.

Yes, I said it. Mother. Fucking. Cry.

Edward Cullen does not fucking cry. Ever!

I decided to park around the corner, give myself sometime to collect my balls and prepare to hand them over to a one, Isabella Swan. If I had a box, I'd wrap them boys up and stick a red bow on top. I was that far gone.

The brisk air felt good in my lungs and I inhaled the fresh air in between drags of my smoked filled breaths. Feeling the nicotine from the cigarette, run through my blood help ease my shaky hands.

As I neared her house I let my mind go blank. I pictured blackness, I thought of complete silence. I wondered if this was how Bella turned her ability off.

I began to walk up the front steps when I heard the backdoor open. I walked to the side of her house, peeking around the corner, and saw Bella walk to a decrypted looking swing set. This is when the "think of nothing" tactic, seemed to be hard.

She sat on the swing taking off her shoes and swinging, I was mesmerized by her. As I watched her hair fall back then wrap around her face as she pushed her self higher. Her laughter gripped my heart with steel hands.

Seven days. Seven days was all it took for her to own me.

I was snapped out of my Bella induced trance, when I heard the backdoor open again. Some really tall girl came out. Her long black hair blended in with the blackness around us. Bella hadn't seemed to notice as she swung higher.

"_Wow she's beautiful. Look at her, a perfection of God. I should ask her out, maybe to a movie. I know the new flick out is suppose to be really good. I wonder why she seems so sad all the time. I've never seen her as carefree as she is now. I wanna wrap her in my arms forever. Sleep with her every night…"_

I couldn't believe this shit. It was a fucking dude with hair longer than Bella's. Rage began to boil in my blood. I hated the possessive Neanderthal inside me, but she was _mine_.

I watched as he startled Bella, and she went flying to the ground. Even I heard the thud as she landed dead on her ass. _"That little mother fucker." _ I couldn't help but curse that fucker for scaring her. Bella swung her head around and I hid quickly around the corner placing my back up against the house. I held my breath and waited for the footsteps.

Thankfully they didn't come.

Not thinking in reality is harder than it seems, and here I was accused of it so often.

I listened closely as she politely talked to the long haired dickwad. When I heard her say she was moving away, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

I inhaled sharply and covered my mouth preventing me from yelling out to her. I forced myself to continue to think blackness. When dickwad left her, I was relieved to see she didn't reciprocate his feelings.

Then I heard it, straight for her unfiltered mind…she thinks she loves me. I couldn't help myself any longer. Hearing her just think the word, set everything in my heart and mind into place. How could I not have realized it before? I mean after all, what else could be so powerful?

I did stupid, no stupid isn't the right word- I did asinine things, just to have a few extra hours with her. Grant it they blew up in my face, but all that shit brought me to the here and now. Another thought however, over took the sheer elation of the epiphany I just had; I needed to be honest with her. That thought sent fear coursing through my blood.

I heard soft footsteps begin to walk my way and it was now or never. I stood my ground and listen as she closed the distance between us.

BPOV

I froze in place, my heart was beating erratically. How could I be so stupid as to think that! Of course I don't love him. I barely know him, he's the ideal asshole of the male race, and he curse's, and he smokes, and he's… as I turned the corner I saw Edward standing there smiling. And I am screwed. I rephrase my pervious statement about God, he doesn't just hate me; he wants me to suffer. I recall something about God being vengeful.

"_What do you want Edward?"_

Edward stalks over to me still smiling.

"_You better stop before I scream for Charlie." _

He doesn't stop, he sings mentally and his voice makes my heart leap in my throat, stomach knot and my vagina drip. I loathe that he has that effect on me.

"_Loath or love, Bella?"_

He grabbed me by the face and crashing his lips to mine. The heat exploded on my lips and I closed my eyes and gripped a handful of his hair bringing him impossibly closer to me. The kiss was full of passion, possession, anger, and hunger. I wanted more. I wanted him; all of him.

He hands roamed over the back pockets of my jeans, down my thigh, lifting my leg around his waist. I dug the heel of my shoe in his firm rear, pulling his package closer to me. I'm almost positive that he will have a wet spot on his jeans from the over amount of leakage from my screaming vagina.

He grinds himself against me and warmth fills me from the inside out. The burning that his hands cause on the back of my neck as he glides his hand in my hair, sends me over the edge.

I broke the kiss and pushed him away, regaining my control. I stare at him dumbfounded.

What nerve! What audacity!

What complete and utter bliss…

"_What do you think you're doing! You can't just show up here looking all…"_I fought to think of the proper word to describe his boldness… "_cocky. What are you thinking that I'll just forget what you did? That Edward, is absurd!" _

He continued to sing, never missing a beat. He adjusts himself and lets out a soft moan as he wiping the saliva from his mouth with the tip of his thumb. Images of him wiping a different form of wetness from his lips, take over my mind.

I cross my arms of my chest, clearly sending the message that I am extremely ticked off and he is the cause of it. He smiles grabbing my hand, pulling it out from its defensive position. Leaving me relieved he can't hear my thoughts anymore, but sad that I can't hear his. He pulled me toward him, his glare never faltering from my eyes.

"I fucked up," he began to finally speak, "but you," he brushed the side of my face with the pad of his thumb. He shook his head, and smiled with embarrassment, "never mind."

"I haven't forgiven you," I said, as I ran my thumb over his perfectly sculpted pink lips. They parted in a smile and my heart sank to my stomach.

"I know, but I'll grovel until you do," he leaned down and placed another kiss on my ready lips. "Don't ever forget," he said, against my lips, "I can feel you." He placed his hand over my heart and kissed me with such passion, I almost cried.

EPOV

"Bella," I said in a shaky voice, pulling away from our kiss. The fear in my voice, in what I was about to say sent water to my eyes and I was afraid I would loss my shit.

Or maybe it was the pain in my dick from it being so hard. I'm going for the raging hard on theory.

She looked up at me, her eyes were wet and she smiled a weak smile. I ran my thumb over her cheek and kissed her forehead. "I have to tell you something. And I'm afraid after I tell you; you'll never speak to me again." I closed my eyes forcing back the tears. Needless to say, my hard on was gone, so my manly theory was laid to rest.

Her body stiffened as the words hit her. Her eyes went black and the small smile was non existent. The look on her face tore my heart, and it would only get worst. I could feel the pulse in her neck quicken on the palm of my hand. I finally gave in. I let the tears roll down my cheeks and dip off my chin.

She wiped away my tears and kissed my salty lips. I tore away from her, wiping my face with one swipe of my hand. I turned my back on her, and let out a quiet sob.

"_Fuck I can't. Fuck, shit she's gonna fucking hate me. I can't lose her, not now, not when I just realized…"_

"Edward?" she spoke my name as she placed her hand in the middle of my back, "if you lie it will be worse. At least if you're honest, it shows some form of remorse." She then wrapped both her hand around my waist and rested her face on my back. I could feel her head moved as I tried to take in deep breaths.

"_Bella, I…"_

"No, out loud, I want to hear you speak the words, not think them," she released me and I slowly faced her. He held out her hand for me and I took it greedily thinking it may be the last time I felt Bella's fire.

How was I going to tell her? Just say it bluntly, like taking a band-aid off? Or the explain everything then confess? "Alice gave me a blow job." I blurted out. Apparently my brain went with band-aid style.

I braced myself for the slap, or the emptiness came every time she would break her hold on me. I was afraid. She stood there calm, breathing evenly, and it seemed as if she wanted to…laugh?

"Aren't you going to say something? Or hit me? Or call your Dad out here to shoot me?" She threw her head back and laughed. I couldn't help but smile in confusion.

"That's why she started freaking out in the bathroom. Oh my, that is so funny," she looked at me and her smile fell. "Thank you for being honest. I know it was hard. Truth usually is. I'm not surprised though," she put her head down and kicked a leaf that had fallen on the ground, "I mean, look at you and look at me, other girls can give you those sorts of things, and I'm not ready too." Her face reddened with embarrassment and mine with anger.

"I didn't want to, it's just she was going to get sick, so I though, and then she locked the door and cornered me," she started laughing again, "what?"

"Edward, she like 4"11 and 100lbs, how did she corner you?" she raised her eye brow at me.

"I dunno, I was drunk and confused, my brain sort of had a fart," Bella didn't look amused at my explanation.

"So let me get this straight, you fucked Jessica, right?" I nodded 'yes', "and you let Alice give you a blow job, right?" I nodded 'yes' again, "and you made out with me. Just please tell me this was at least not the same day." She looked at me with her lips pursed in a straight line. I felt bile burn my throat as I shook my head 'yes' again.

She stood their with her mouth agape. I looked down at the ground away from her hurt stare. I swallowed the sick feeling, and debated how to explain all this to her. I looked back up and I felt a sting on the side of my face. The tingle that lingered from her slap, burned long after she dropped her hand. That isn't what hurt, the pain in her eyes cut my soul. I held on to her hand in mine like a lifeline, praying to God that she wouldn't leave me feeling empty.

"Oh, please Edward, explain this to me!" her voice was shrill when she spoke and I wanted her to slap me again.

"I can't explain it. I can't justify it, and anything I say will just sound like an excuse," I looked at her in the eyes, trying to rely how sorry I was that I caused those tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "But I am sorry that it happened. I do regret it, and if I could take it back I would. Bella…" I lifted her chin to look me in the face, I hated that I put those tears in her eyes. I hated that the pain we felt, I caused, "I can promise you, it will never happen again. I meant when I said I can feel what you feel." I hoped she understood what I was saying. I just wasn't ready to say it out loud yet. But in my mind, I screamed, "_I love you."_

"When did you have sex with Jessica?" she asked, in such a soft voice I almost didn't hear it.

"I wouldn't even say it was sex, more like two minutes of hell. And it was after I left here before the party," I slap my self mentally for going into the smallest of detail of the worse few minutes of my life.

"So after you kissed me? I guess that's a little better." She tried to smile, but the pain in her face when she saw my fallen eyes told her different. "It was before!" Her huge eyes board into me. Her nostrils flared with anger and then moments later, her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Leave please," she tore her hand from mine and she ran to the door, slamming it hard behind her.


	8. Chapter 8 Isn't it Ironic

Chapter Eight

BPOV

Today has already started off badly. I woke up to an obnoxious headache on the rare occasion it decides to be sunny. This wouldn't be so bad if the sun wasn't reflecting off of freshly fallen snow. Yes, snow!

Of course, neither Charlie nor I own sunglasses. After all, it is Forks, why would we?

I slipped on the ice that had formed on the stairs and again on the sidewalk, on my way to my truck, my hands went into a small, salty puddle; soaking my gloves. I took off my gloves throwing them on the ground. I attempted to scrap the ice off my windshield with numb and aching hands. One comfort was sometime this morning Charlie put metal chains on my tires.

This should be interesting.

That led me to now, sitting in my cold truck, with a wet butt, a semi scraped windshield, and cold hands. I turned up the heater to full blast only to be greeted by cold, frigid air. I added that to my mental list of why I hated today.

Naturally, I had to wait in the line of cars to get into the student parking lot, this is bad because none other then Mr. Jackass Edward Cullen is behind me; looking extremely sexy and warm. One more reason to hate him, I thought to myself. He's back there snug as a bug in a rug; while I grip a cold steering wheel without any gloves and the heat in my ancient truck has yet to blow hot air.

It has been a month sense the fall out with Edward. I've yet to forgive him, and he's yet to give up. At least I know stubbornness is his strong suit.

In the past month of letting my guard down, I have not heard of Edward being the any other girl in school. But I did hear, unfortunately, that he nicked named his manhood 'Mr. Poon'. It has been very hard to not think of this in Biology.

As we inched forward in line, his smile never faltered. He was up to something, again. To be honest, his past attempts of getting me to forgive him have been hard to turndown.

He sent me roses to Biology. He left a poem in my locker. He mentally serenaded me with songs of forgiveness and moving on. He even wrote 'I'm sorry' all over my dirty truck. I would have thought by now he would have given up. Secretly though, I'm glad he hasn't given up.

Just as I was pulling into the first open parking spot, large enough for my beast of a truck, the heater kicked in and faint warm air began bellowing out the vents. I can see how this day is going to go.

I breathed in gaining my composure, ready to turn everyone off and exited my truck. Paying close attention to the blacktop, left little time to pay attention to people around me or cars, and well or signs.

As I was looking down concentrating on my every step, I stepped over a sheet of ice only to run head first into a metal pole that held a bright yellow sign that said 'slippery when wet'. I staggered backward, my foot planted itself directly on the ice I had been stepping over and losing my balance I began to fall. I closed my eyes ready to feel the familiar wetness on my already cold, wet back end.

"_You really should be careful," _Edwards's arms caught me as I was half way to the ground. My body tingled underneath his strong arms. His breath on the back of my neck sent chills down my spine.

"_Thank you," _I said, touching my head where I hit the pole. He looked down at me smiling. His smile made me dizzy and I briefly forgot how to breathe. Why is he always smiling?

"It's going to leave a bump. You should let my Dad take a look at it," I turned to pick up my backpack, and as I was turning back to face him, he caught me off guard and pressed his lips to mine.

His lips felt so soft and tender; the feeling it gave me, reminded me of home. I pushed my hand on his chest trying to back him away. I was angry that he would stoop to such levels. The fire spread through me as he grabbed the back of my neck, not allowing me to break the kiss. So instead I did nothing. I stood there lips closed and did nothing.

Edward, true to his stubbornness, didn't give up. He wrapped his other hand around my waist, pulling me flat against his body. My body reacted, "_traitor," _I thought to myself. My hands slowly found their way up to his face, and my lips parted slightly as he licked my lips with his warm tongue. He tasted of his normal cigarettes and mint.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch, his fire, and his very presents… until now. I let it take over me, allowing him to fill my psyche. I leaned in to his kiss, reaching up on my toes pressing my lips harder into his. I darted my tongue into his mouth, tasting him greedily.

"Excuse me," I opened my eyes quickly, horrified that someone had witnessed our exchange. I had forgotten the entire world around us. Looking into Edward's eyes, he kept his one hand on the back of my neck, and took my hand in his other. His touch made my hand warm, and it no longer ached from the cold weather.

"Sorry Mr. Banner," Edward smiled the bright smile I had dreamt so much about. It made my heart grow wings and fly. The burn of his skin trailed down my neck, moving toward my throat. He never broke eye contact with me. I smiled sheepishly at him in return. I knew my cheeks were flushing with red blush from embarrassment.

"It's good to see you two smiling again. Now, class is starting in five minutes," he tapped his watch a few times, "I suggest you two get moving." I finally looked over at our Bio teacher and he was walking away with an extra bounce to his step.

In the past thirty seconds of us kissing, I fully realized without hesitation, I loved Edward Cullen. My heart fluttered quickly and I could hear it pounding in my ears. _"I love you," _I said to him in my mind, knowing he couldn't hear me. I tried to show my love for him in my eyes. I let all the feeling I had pour into my glare. It seemed to not be working.

"Edward," I began without meaning to. I was cut off of his lips grazing mine. "I…" he slid his bottom lip between mine. "I…" he pulled back looking at me, I lost my nerve looking into his deep hooded green eyes. "I need to get to class," I said instead.

"I have a surprise for you," he held back a smile as I pressed my free hand to his chest. His heart was beating wildly, "Meet me for lunch?" I nodded 'yes', then we walked hand in hand into school.

Throughout the day I felt out of place. People were talking about Edward and me, thinking about Edward and generally, they all think he has gone crazy for wanting to be with me. Not the greatest ego boost for a girl who feels like they are in love. Perhaps everyone is right, and we've both gone crazy.

I walked around regardless, with a light feel to my body, as if the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders. Following you heart, is more gratifying then fighting with your heart.

And because I was looking forward to Biology, time seemed to be moving at a snails pace. In fact, I'm pretty sure snails had sex faster.

I wondered about this surprise Edward had in store. All of his gifts and gestures that I ignored must have driven him to something extravagant. Or perhaps that is just the hopeless romantic in me. I had no clue what I was writing on the paper on my desk, I'm sure it was just a jumble of nonsense that would not help me later for my assignment.

My nerves were on edge and butterflies were having sword fights in my stomach as I watched the red second hand click closer and closer to the large black twelve on the classroom clock. "_Fifteen more seconds till Bio," _I bounced my foot up and down. I already put my notes back in my folder and placed all my things on top of my desk, ready to be picked up. "_Ten more seconds till I see Edward." _

I reinforced my switch by closing my eyes. I found peacefulness in my sheltered mind. Finally, the bell rang loudly over my head causing me to jump up, in seconds picking up my books and ran out of the classroom in record time.

EPOV

At first I couldn't believe it, she kissed me back and if I'm not mistaken, which I often am, she forgave me. I poured every ounce of feeling I had into that kiss. When she didn't respond at first, I second guessed my actions. To be honest though, I hadn't planned on kissing her, but she just looked too fucking good. Her lips were red from the cold breeze. The pink of her cheeks…it was just too much.

When we parted to go our separate ways, I began counting the minutes I'd see her again. After every class I tried to make it to her before she found her way to her class, failing every time. This action did however, give me detention. It was well worth the cause.

Now I was off to Biology. I ran through the halls, pushing past other nimrods talking in the halls. I stopped in front of the Bio door trying to not look SO desperate. I'm pretty damn sure I was failing at that miserably as well. Jasper would have a field day with me right now. Perhaps some male bonding was to be in order soon, over a fifth of some strong liquor of course. I, unlike Jasper, am not that in touch with my feminine side.

As I walked in the door, I knew Bella wasn't in class yet. I strolled quickly to my seat waiting as patiently as I possible could wait for her. I fidgeted with my seat, wrote her name on my folder (this was without realization), tapped my fingers loudly on the desk, and constantly running my fingers through my hair.

Three people entered the room, Alice with Jasper attached to her ass, and the big fucker who nobly stood up for Bella. They went and sat down at their desks, Jasper looked back at me giving me a friendly finger and I gave him one back with a smile. As Emmett walked by he did his routine glare down at me. I'd be lying if I said the big fucker didn't scare the shit out of me.

I looked up at the clock eager for Bella to enter.

"_Jasper looks so good today. I wonder if I can get him to wear more red. He looks really good in red."_

"_I swear if she doesn't stop touching my leg, my dicks gonna get hard. Then again, hand job during Bio. Not a bad thought."_

"_This fucking sucks," _Emmett's thoughts were always short and to the point. I kinda like that about him.

I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans, fuck head Newton entered with my nightmare (literally she haunts my dreams), Jessica. Sometime over the past month they became the fucktacular couple of the year…again. Or so I hear. I still had no Bella.

I started getting anxious. A few more students entered and Mr. Banner came in and closed the door just seconds before the late bell rang. I got up and walked to the front of the class.

"Mr. Banner, I need to go to the office," I stated to him, placing my two hands on his desk, leaning over to whisper softly. He looked at me meticulously, his beady eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips.

"Is this about Bella?" he asked, and my heart jumped to my throat.

"Did something happen?" I glanced behind me. I looked at every classmate, they didn't seem to know anything, if they did, I know…right? Looking back at Mr. Banner, I watched him rise from his chair and gesture toward the door. I followed him out to the hallway.

"Bella had a mild attack between her last class and this one. The paramedics…" I was running down the hall to the office, before Mr. Banner could finish his sentence.

I tore through the cafeteria, pushing chairs and any object that happen to be in my way to the side. I turned the corner to the front office just in time to see the paramedics run through the front doors. I grabbed the office door holding it open for them. He gave me a quick nod, and I followed them to Bella.

My heart was racing. The people in font of me walked so slow, I needed to get to Bella. I needed to know she was okay. Hell, I didn't even know what had happen. As we neared the room where she was, the school nurse wouldn't allow me to see her. I waited outside the door, pacing back and forth, and biting my nails. The acid in my stomach burned holes in my intestines.

I tried gaining information from the secretary as she passed by a few times. The only thing I got from her was "Poor girl, she seemed so normal." It took a lot of fucked self restraint to not knock the fat bitch on her ass.

Soon, the door opened and I saw Bella strapped to a gurney and being wheeled past me.

"_This is pretty bad,Dr. Cullen needs to be prepared. Umm Dr. Cullen, now that's a man I'd like to sink my teeth into."_

"_Hang in their Bella, you'll be fine."_

"When we get in the bus tell Harry to contact Chief Swan, he should meet us at the hospital," one of the paramedics spoke out loud to the other.

"What's wrong with her? What happen?" Bella turned her head in my direction when she heard my voice.

_  
"Edward! I need you…" _she tried to pull the mask off her face. The lady paramedic forced it back on over her mouth. I couldn't help but notice her lips seemed a little blue.

I grabbed her hand the best I could as they went past, _"I'll be driving behind the ambulance, okay. I promise I'll never leave you." _

My heart was racing. The people in font of me walked so slow, I needed to get to Bella. I needed to know she was okay. Hell I didn't even know what had happen. Why are they walking so slowly, should they be fucking moving their asses!

"Either walk faster or get the fuck out of my way and I'll push her to the ambulance faster then this shit," the young paramedic turned around giving me a disbelieving scowl. "What?" I looked at her raising my eyebrow, "I'd hate for Dr. Cullen's son's girlfriends' condition worsen while you two fucktards daydream about my father! Well mostly you," I pointed to the one giving me a dirty look. Her face flushed and they speed up the pace.

The principle held the doors open and tried to stop me when I followed them out of the school doors. "Edward, go back to class, your father will take care of her now," I pushed his hand off my shoulder and continued to walk out.

Fuck that, I made a promise to Bella, and I was determined to never break a promise to her. I'm sure that just capped the detention with suspension but I'll bare my full moon ass for them to kiss before I stayed.

The ride there I called my Dad on his cell phone. The first four times he didn't answer the fifth he did.

"Edward, I hear you are behind the bus on the way here?" his voice was dry and stern.

"I can't leave her Dad, I hope you understand. I just wanted to tell you myself before the school called," why did I think I could actually do something right in my father's eyes?

"We'll talk later. I will deal with you then. Right now I have more important things to handle. See you in two minutes," he hung up the phone and I threw mine to the passenger floor board.

"I love her," I said to the thin air, justifying my actions to only God himself. I felt pain build in my chest, this was too familiar. Yet again someone I cared about in a hospital. I flashed back to seeing Vikki in her wheelchair. I flashed back to James's funeral. "Please let her be fine. Haven't you fucked with me enough?" I yelled loudly.

As we pulled up to the emergency entrance I parked my car in the closest empty spot I could find. Thankfully, its Forks and not many people were in the hospital. I ran carefully across the grass, my crunching foot prints ruining the perfection of the unspoiled fallen snow.

I could hear Bella yelling when they opened the back doors to the ambulance. My stomach plummeted to my feet. She was yelling for me.

"Give me Edward!" she yelled loudly, as they began pushing her into the emergency room. "Edward! You promised, EDWARD!" I watched in horror as she flailed around on the small bed.

"Bella, I'm here. I'm right here." I said, running up behind the paramedics.

"Oh thank God! I was about to sedate her!" the larger women looked relieved to see me.

I ignored the women and grabbed Bella's hand. The heat tore through my fingers to the palm of my hand. I carefully brought her delicate hand to my lips kissing it softly. "Are you alright?" I asked, trying to smile. I'm sure it looked me like I was trying to hold in some gas or some shit.

"I am now," She smiled back at me, "I missed you," she said just before her body started shaking.

I was pushed out of the way by a tiny nurse that had the strength of a grown man, "out now!" she ordered, and I backed away from the private room they were pushing her into. I saw my dad running down the hall, his white coat bellowing out behind him.

I ran over toward him "Dad what's happening!" he didn't answer as he opened and closed the large door in my face. The loud 'click' echoed off the walls in my head.

Only seconds later Chief Swan entered the emergency room. He slammed his hand on the empty receptionist desk. He looked around, finding my eyes watching him.

"_Why is Edward Cullen here? If he had something to do with Bella being hurt I'll shoot him here and now."_

Chief Swan's thought gave me a sickening feeling as he stalked his way toward me. He looked pissed, scared, and ready to rip my head off.

"Chief Swan, I had nothing to do with Bella. I swear!" I defended myself before he could reach me. His facial expression fell from anger to panic. "I was waiting for her in fourth period, we have Biology together, and when she didn't show, I asked the teacher if I could leave. I wanted to go find her. But he said something about ambulance and I ran before he could finish," Chief Swan ran his hands over his face.

"Where's your father?" his voice still stern and full of authority.

"He's in with Bella. I haven't been able to find out what's wrong with her," I was close to tears at this point. Fucking crying in front of my girlfriend's father, that's a good impression!

"You alright kid? You look a little green," I shook my head 'yes' and went to find a water fountain. I then walked outside to make a call. I figured now more than ever I could use some bromance, I text Jasper.

**-Fucker, call me now. Something's wrong with Bella. -E**

I looked at the time on the phone. They should be at lunch by now. When my phone buzzed in my hand my assumption was right.

**-Yeah I fucked her ha! What's up? –J**

**-Bella's in the hospital. I'm freaking out. Can you come? -E**

I waited a few seconds and he texted back:

**-Leaving now. Alice is with me. -J**

Of course Alice would come. In the past month I had noticed that Bella and Alice would talk. The fact that Bella talked to Alice at all was a testament to Bella's forgiving heart. It was what gave me hope when I felt like giving up.

I paced the hospital floors. Chief Swan cursed at some nurses that walked in and out of Bella's room. His thoughts were scattered, thinking of Renee, who I assumed is Bella's mother and about Bella of course, but also about his own guilt.

I felt bad for the guy really. Poor bastard finally gets his daughter, only for her to end up in the hospital twice in two months. If he weren't the Chief of Police, I think child services would have been called by now.

I sat down in an uncomfortable orange chair outside the room. I rested my head in my hands. My head was racing with my own thoughts now. Why Bella was in the hospital before, what could I have done to prevent this… the list of question ran on and on.

Chief Swan came and sat beside me, smacking my knee firmly with his hand. It was meant to be a sympathy gesture, but it ended up scaring the fuck out of me. I hadn't heard him coming.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Chief Swan asked scornfully, breaking the endless silence between us. As every minute passed, Chief Swan's mind raced back and forth between regret, fear, agony, and anger. I knew his threatening tone was just a way of letting out some aggression.

"I can't leave, please don't ask me to," I gave him a pleading look. I'd fucking beg if I had too. He nodded his head giving me a look of understanding.

We heard some crashing inside the room where my father had Bella. Chief Swan and I both stood up running toward the door. It was pushed open, almost hitting me in the face.

"_Damn we are gonna lose her if surgery doesn't fucking hurry up."_

"_A brain hemorrhage at such a young age; so sad. Oh crap, Chief Swan, I'm not dealing with him." _

"_God Damn it he's still here. What is his problem? Why must he start trouble everywhere? I'll just call his mother."_

My mind raced with the thoughts of the two nurses and my father. I was expected some caddy shit from pappy, what I am having a hard time dealing with is the words 'brain hemorrhage' and 'lose her'. My knees felt weak and my stomach lurched up into my throat. The brief glance I saw of Bella, she looked paler then her normal self, and her mouth was covered and had large tube coming out. I had to fight not to vomit on the floor.

I turned to Carlisle. I couldn't look at her like that, "Brain hemorrhage?" I asked Carlisle, who in turn looked at me like I was a three legged, dickless dog, who was humping his leg. Chief Swan was frozen in place when I said the two fatal words together.

"What?" he asked in a childish voice. All sound of authority was gone in his voice. Carlisle clenched his jaw and walked pass me, over to Chief Swan who had crumbled to his knees in the middle of the hospital floor.

"_How does he do that? It's almost like he can hear what I'm thinking. Impossible, I know, but I often wonder…"_

"_I can't believe it. I'm losing my baby. My little… No, NO! I will not think that way. She'll be fine. Right? Oh God please." _Chief Swan began to cry in his hands.

"Charlie, lets go into a private room and I'll explain Bella's condition. Edward, stay here, I would like to speak to you as well," he held out his hand for Chief Swan and they walked away.

I was left in my own mind. Only my thought consumed me. Oddly enough, I wanted someone else's thoughts now. My own were to dark and painful. As much as I loved and longed for silence, right now, it was simply haunting.

I kept thinking of the little bit of memories I had with her. I was thinking about my surprise for her. She really would have loved it too. I could still play it for her, just not on a piano like I had planned.

Yeah that's right, piano. After the night I realize I loved Bella I dusted off the ivory and played for hours on a piece that just flowed from inside me. The piece is soft and gentle in the beginning and turns dark and painful, and ends filled with joyous sounds filled with love.

The automatic doors opened and Jasper and Alice were running through, hand in hand.

"Edward what happen? Where's Bella?" Alice's voice seemed worried yet supportive.

"Hey man, you look fucked, are you alright?" I looked up at Jasper and over to Alice.

"I think she's going to die," I said, admitting it out loud finally made me realize the severity of her condition.

I felt tiny hand wrap themselves around my shoulders, pulling me into a comforting hug. I leaned my head helplessly into the crook of Alice's neck, fighting back tears that I would never allow to fall.


	9. Chapter 9 Confessions

**Disclaimer: Everyone knows I do not own Twilight. If I did I would be rich and knocking boots with RPatz ;) But I'm not so... **

**But I do own this story line and these particular characters.**

**Thank you Lulu for helping me Beta this madness. You're the best.  
**

**Enjoy and review. It only take a few seconds to leave an opinion. Thanks for reading.  
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Chapter Nine

EPOV

The leather on the chair in pappy's office was noisy as I shifted in the seat. The air seemed stuffy and I felt as if I couldn't get a deep breath. My palms were sweaty, my head ached, and my entire body felt like I ran a marathon. Jasper and Alice sat on the couch as we waiting for Carlisle to come back and finish his "fatherly talk".

So far the three of us have heard how it is "immature" to skip school and that "being disobedient" isn't going to "get us ahead in life". My favorite though was "Jasper it is not proper to show affection with your friend here in public." That one almost had me on the floor laughing. Alice blushed and Jasper quickly released her hand. Jasper's thought were priceless though. He railed pappy to the ground thinking everything I wanted to say to the douche myself. I crossed my fingers for luck hoping he was going to. It was a huge let down when he bit his tongue.

We have yet to find out the condition Bella was in. I had heard that she was out of surgery and that it went well. Carlisle was basically holding us hostage and not allowing us to go see Bella. "It's a family matter and not your concern," was Carlisle's words.

Never mind the fact she meant more to me then any of my family and I was almost sure she felt the same about me. I was banking that I wasn't wrong.

More than anything at this moment, I wanted to run through the halls, opening every door, and yell Bella as loud as I could. Or cause enough shit that the nurse will just take me to her. Instead, I dwelled and loathed my father every second that passed.

Alice curled up into Jasper, resting her head on his chest. Jasper's arm is draped over her shoulders rubbing her arm. I stared at them in contempt. Jealously filled my heart and I had to tear my eyes away from them. I looked down at the floor running my restless hands through my hair. I heard the stiff leather squeak, looking over I was greeting with Jasper sucking face with Alice.

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked nonchalantly. It was one of those moments when the link between my mind and my mouth faltered. I stood up walking to the door. I needed to get the fuck away from love fest 2009. I turned the knob and pushed, the door didn't budge. I tried pulling and nothing. I rattled the handle, pushed, pulled, and finally kicked the mother fucker. Dr. Big Dick Douche Bag Cullen locked us the fuck in! "Fuck!" I yelled.

"_Poor guy, he's losing his mind. Maybe I shouldn't show off how much I love being with Alice. I should tell her soon that I love her. Look at those doe eyes. I could stare at them all day and never tire. She perfect for me."_

"Yeah, yeah I fucking get it Jaz! You love her! Just fucking tell her already and stop thinking like a fucking girl, it's creepy!" I blurted out in frustration. I stopped in mid stride looking at them. The look on their faces reminded me that maybe I did look like a three legged dog humping someone's leg.

"_What the fuck? How… Did he just… no fucking way. That's like fucking sci-fi shit."_

"_Jasper loves me? Me?" _

"You love me?" Alice asked like a little girl. "Like, love – love?"

Jasper was still looking at me, I raised my eyebrows shaking my head slightly and gestured toward Alice.

"Yeah I do," he said never taking his eyes off me.

"Can you at least look at me when you say it? It doesn't seem very convincing," she crossed her arms and put on a straight face.

"Yeah I do," he said again looking at her briefly, "uh, Edward?" he looked at me again as I sat back down in the uncomfortable chair, "what the hell dude?"

Great. Just mother fucking great. I took in a deep breath, "sorry man, it just fucking came out." I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling the ends in disappointment. Now more than ever I need my valium and nicotine. How could I be so stupid?

"Sorry? Did you fucking hear me? My…thoughts?" his voice was very confused. I peeked out the corner of my eye toward them. Alice was staring at me with a blank look, and Jasper was literally scratching his head like a confused cartoon character.

"Um… yeah?" my answer came out as a question. I breathed in again, finally defeated. My morbid, fucked up, 'sci-fi' secret was out.

Jasper's and Alice both stared at me. I'm pretty sure at this point I surpassed the three legged humping dog stare and have gone to the 'you're crazier than Hannibal Lecture' stare. I just hung my head low, feeling their eyes bore into me.

"_That's the coolest shit ever. Are you hearing this bro? So I could seriously fuck with you. Haha this is fucktacular!"_

I really should have known Jasper would think this is cool.

I started to laugh, shaking my head slightly. That was not a reaction I was expecting.

"Does Bella know?" Alice's eyes were rimmed with tears.

"Ye,." I wanted to out Bella as well. That way they would understand why I was so connected to her. Alice's tears fell silently down her cheeks. Jasper wiped one away with his thumb.

"Hey baby, why are you crying?" He pulled her in, embracing her.

"That's… that's why you said don't _think_ about it," Alice said as Jasper tipped her chin so she would look at him.

This isn't good. Fuck, don't say any more Alice. I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. I hated every time my finger tips grazed that reminder.

"What do you mean baby doll?" Jasper's eyebrows knitted together, making a crease between them. My heart started beating erratically. I had to stop this. I just got Bella back; I was not losing my only friend here.

"It's nothing really. She kept raping you mentally in Bio, so I asked to not think about it. It's fucking gross. Girls' got a twisted mind," I gave him a convincing wink. Alice's eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. "Sorry," I said with a pleading look.

"_Thank you," _she said without words. I smiled at her, letting her know it was for my own selfish needs. Sure I didn't want Alice to get hurt, but more so, I didn't want to get hurt.

Hours passed and still no Carlisle. Finally, we heard keys in the door and it opened. Alice ran out the door. She had been complaining about needed to pee for the past thirty minutes.

"That was un-cool Dr. Cullen, un-cool," Jasper walked out after Alice, and I was left alone with good ol' pappy.

I started walking out on a mission to find Bella when my dad stopped me.

"Have a seat son. Your mother is on her way to get you," he let go of my arm and walked to his oversized desk.

"Screw you," I said, and walked out into the hall. Carlisle, being the prick he is, followed me.

He grabbed my arm, turning me to look at him. I actually looked down at him slightly. I bowed up my chest, clinching my fists together. "Don't dad. I need to see her. Please, you don't understand," I strained my voice to a calm state.

"I will not allow you to corrupt that innocent child Edward. Don't _you_ understand how _your_ actions fall on other people? You are careless and selfish and I don't want you involving Isabella Swan in that!"

"_What the hell? How dare he talk to him like that?" _

I looked up to see Charlie walking toward us, "Further more, I don't need Chief Swan…"

He was interrupted by Charlie tapping him on the shoulder from behind. Carlisle turned to see a very angry Charlie staring back at him. If he didn't look so pissed, I might have laughed.

"Your son is a good kid. He has never harmed my daughter in any way and as far as his record back east, well people change. My daughter is fighting for her life, and here you stand belittling your son. If you can't see this boy is trying, then you're best off without him. Come on Edward, I'll take you to Bella," I smiled at Charlie and walked pass Carlisle.

Finally I get to see Bella.

"What surgery did she have?" I asked, though I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

"Well, they drilled a hole…" Charlie's voice cracked a bit "…in her head to relieve the pressure." He stopped in his tracks and leaned up against the wall, "she has a brain tumor Edward."

His words echoed in my mind. _"She has a brain tumor… She has a brain tumor…" _

Those words caused my body gave out. I couldn't feel anything but the wrenching pain of the hole that was ripping at my heart.

Somehow I managed to walk the rest of the way up to her room. Outside her door Charlie's next words shocked me, "Son, you really need to prepare yourself."

"Prepare myself? Is she really that bad?" The words unknowingly came out of my mouth.

"Yes son, she is." Charlie placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.

I had to take a deep breath to prevent myself from falling apart. I gripped the handle to the door and pushed. It opened with a quite creaking noise. Upon entering I was gripped with panic.

I heard the beeps from the machines. It was almost soothing to know her heart was still beating. I heard the nurse's and Charlie's thoughts.

But I couldn't hear Bella's.

She was asleep and lying there peacefully. It was the only thing that stopped me from shaking her and asking why I couldn't hear her. I walked slowly to her bed, taking in the sight before me.

Cords where connected to her chest, head, and finger, this caused my heart to break just a bit more. Her head had been wrapped in white gauze. Part of the top was stained a bright red. To top it off, she had an IV that was connected to her arm.

Panic, fear, disgust, anger, sadness… all of it, ran though my body. Most of all, I felt love. Love for this broken beautiful Bella. Even lying here, she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. She had a lock of hair that was sticking to her wet cheek, my fingers ached to wipe it away, but I was afraid to wake her.

"_Bella I'm here like I promised. Can you hear me?" _I reached for her limp hand. My skin tingled with anticipation. Once I reached her hand I was brought to my knees. Her skin was cold and damp. She felt like a lifeless being cradled in my palm. Worse of all, I felt no spark, no fire, no electricity, nothing… it was just empty.

I leaned forward kissing her pale, pink, cold lips. "Oh God," I whispered out loud, resting my head on her chest. My heart was breaking in to a thousand… no, a million little pieces.

I sat there uncomfortable, with my head on her chest, still holding her hand, when there was a small knock at the door. I didn't bother moving to greet who ever it may be. The Pope and President could kiss my ass if they thought I would move. I breathed in her in, allowing her to fill my body. She even smelled different. She wasn't tropical or fruity, she smelled sterile.

All too soon, the doctors told me visiting hours were over. I gave Bella a kiss on the lips and reluctantly left her room.

As I was leaving, I asked Chief Swan if he could call me if Bella woke up. After handing him my phone number, he assured me I would be the second person he called. In his mind, "the raving bitch, Renee" had to be the first.

I cracked my window and lit up a cigarette. It's a miracle I lasted this long with only a few smokes. Jasper and Alice were in front of me, in Jasper's truck. We were all headed to his place. He told his mom what had happen to Bella and she stocked the fridge with cheap beer for us.

As I parked my car and walked toward Jasper's house, Alice caught me off guard.

"_You can do this, just don't think. How does someone not think? Can he hear me thinking about not thinking? God that sounds so stupid, of course he can hear me. Duh he's a mind reader." _ I let out a small laugh despite my depressed mood. _"Oh shit, can't you like turn it off or plug your ears? Do his ears really have anything to do with it? Like invisible waves entering his ears to his mind? That's ridiculous Alice. Or is it?"_

I let out bellowing laugh that sounded like a mad scientist.

"Fuck this is gonna be so much fun. Come on Pixie, I'll try to explain it to you and the Cowboy here," I wrapped my one arm around Alice's shoulder and the other around Jasper's.

"I don't like that you know," Alice gave me a sour look. I gave her a smirk in return. All things considering, I guess that really isn't something I should call her now.

"Don't like what?" Jasper asked, as he held the door open for her to walk into his house ahead of us.

"Being called Pixie, it's very demeaning to me," Jasper and I followed her as she walked into his living room making her way to the fridge. "I mean, yeah I'm short and petite, but I don't go around with fucking dust to make people fly, now do I?" She opened the fridge and handed Jasper a beer and tossed one to me.

"_Don't you say a fucking word or I'll castrate you right here," _ Alice leaned against the counter, right in front of the wooden block that held all of the Whitlock's knifes. She raised an eyebrow at me. Bitch was scary.

Jasper leaned into her, resting his hands on the counter behind her. "I thought you liked it when I called you Pixie?" he whispered into her ear causing her face to flush slightly.

"I heard that," I said, as I opened my beer and took a long drink. I set my beer on the island and let out a manly burp.

"That's creepy," Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"It's perfectly normal. What the perfect pixie princess doesn't burp? Let me guess your shit doesn't stink either," Jasper pulled his lips together holding in his laugh. Alice on the other hand wasn't so amused with my banter.

"_Did you know Jasper's dick is bigger than yours? And it doesn't do that weird curve thing like yours." _

Poor Mr. Poon shriveled inward with resignation.

"That hurt," I said, lifting up my beer in a toast to her. Then I quickly mouthed the word 'bitch' to her as Jasper took a drink from his beer. In reply she gave me a very elegant middle finger.

The rest of the night went on the same way. I forced my depression to the pit of my stomach, but ultimately the only thing on my mind was Bella. I checked my phone every five minutes, even though it was in my pocket the entire time. A few times I started to dial the Swan home just to see if perhaps Charlie was home. Every time I'd hang up mentally smacking myself. Of course he wouldn't be home.

On my drive home, I finally broke down and called the hospital. The only information I received from some grumpy night nurse was, "I can't divulge that type of information to non family members." The nurse received a very colorful 'thank you and fuck you'.

I stalked in the house as quiet as I could. I didn't want to wake Esme. I had a pretty damn good buzz going on and she would bring me down in two seconds flat. Thankfully, pappy's car wasn't in the driveway or the garage so I knew he was still at the hospital. Or he was out banging some young intern.

My sleep was restless that night. I tossed and turned, dreaming of Bella. A few times dreams of her death caused me to wake up in a cold sweat. I gave up on sleep at five in the morning. Checking my phone, my heart dropped slightly knowing Charlie had not called.

Instead, I stood under a hot shower willing the hot water to wash away the exhaustion. When the water ran cold, I finally step out of the shower. I turned on the vent fan and lit up a cigarette. I was beyond caring if Carlisle and Esme knew I was smoking in the house.

The image looking back at me in the mirror was ghostly. Dark circles under my eyes gave away my lack of sleep. Sporting a two day shadow, I decided it was time to shave. Bella didn't need a rough brillo pad face kissing her.

I dressed in slightly nicer clothing. By that I mean this shirt didn't have any holes and I threw on a button up shirt over it. I buttoned the shirt and tucked it in.

After Charlie stood up for me, I at least wanted to be an image of respect. I looked at myself in the mirror and immediately unbuttoned and un-tucked the shirt. That shit just looked fucking gay. Putting on some glue style hair gel, my 'just got fucked' hair was ready to go.

I looked at the clock and it was only 6:30. Having an hour and a half to kill before visiting hours started, I walked down stairs and started making breakfast for my parents and me.

Through out my cooking endeavor I checked my phone often. Still, I had no word from Charlie on Bella's condition. I convinced myself if something bad had happen he would have called. So no news was good news.

Twenty minutes later I had bacon, eggs, and toast ready on the kitchen table. I walked up the stairs to my parents' room, knocking softly.

"Mom, breakfast is ready," I heard her sniffled on the other side of the door.

"I'll be right down sweetie, thanks."

Walking over to the hall window that over looked our driveway I saw Carlisle's car was still not in the drive. Instantly, my mind raced with worry. Not just for Esme, but also for Bella. If Carlisle didn't come home, that could mean something happen with her condition.

I took out my phone while I raced down the stairs. I dialed Carlisle's phone, only to be greeting by voicemail. The bastard had his phone turned off.

"Fucking prick!" I punched the front door as I walked pasted. The doorbell ran at the same time. It freaked me the fuck out. I looked out the peep hole to see Jasper on the front porch.

"Hey man, you up for some company?" Jasper asked, as I opened the front door.

"Yeah sure," was my simple answer. We walked silently to the kitchen when my now cold breakfast was waiting.

"Aren't you a bit dressed up for school? You look almost like fucking Newton," he laughed as he took a bite of a piece of toast.

"Fuck school. Fuck food. Fuck it all," I tried to call Carlisle again.

"Don't bother sweetie, its dead." Esme walked into the kitchen looking like the model for the perfect mom and wife. Her make-up was already done, her hair was pinned up and her casual dress was perfectly ironed.

"Yeah, whatever, come eat before it starts to taste like sh…crap," Esme came to the table holding three glasses of orange juice.

Jasper stood up when Esme came over, "Hi, Mrs. Cullen, I'm Jasper Whitlock," his southern accent came out slightly.

"_Holy hell mama got it going on." _

I kicked him from underneath the table.

"_Sorry dude… it's a compliment." _

I had to shake my head and laugh a little. James use to say the same thing about Esme. He used to tell me he was going to be my step daddy one day.

We ate and I left with Jasper. "Hear anything yet?" he asked as he stood in front of his truck.

"No, I'm going to the hospital now. Are you going to school?" I asked as I unlocked my car door.

"Yeah, gotta see my Alice," he said with a wink.

"Alright, later cowboy," I sat down in my cold car and drove down to the hospital.

The drive was nerve racking. The streets were flooded with commuters going to school or work. I smoked four cigarettes in the twenty minute drive. Its either cancer sticks or road rage murder. Lucky for the dip shits on the road, I had smokes.

When I finally reached the hospital, my nerves were calm and I prepared myself for what may be on the inside of the building.

I was greeting by the nurse at the ICU station, "Hi, Edward, your father is in his office. Would you like me to page him?"

"No thanks. I'm not here to see him. Is Isabella Swan still in this room?" I pointed to the door over my shoulder.

"She is. Would you like to see her? It would give Chief Swan a well needed break," she grabbed a clip board and escorted me to Bella's room.

Charlie was sleeping upright on the hard couch that sat under the window in Bella's room. I tried to walk quietly to not wake him. I may not have respect for my father, but for Bella's father, I'd lay out fucking rose pedals for him to walk on.

As I approached Bella in her bed, I was relieved and torn all at the same time. Relieved she was breathing and torn because she still couldn't hear a single thought in her beautiful mind.

"_Bella? Bella can you hear me?"_ I grabbed her cool damp hand.

Charlie began to stir, groaning as he stretched out the stiffness in his legs. I gave him a small wave with my other hand and I sat down on the padded stool next to Bella's bed. Knowing Charlie was in the room, was the only thing that stopped me from leaning down and kissing her almost white lips.

"She never woke over the night. Your Dad wants her to stay unconscious. That way she doesn't feel the pain." Charlie came up behind me; it took me a moment to realize he still had on his uniform.

"If you want to go shower and change, I can stay with her," my voice was almost pleading. He nodded and gave me a twitch of a smile.

"Uh, yeah I suppose I could use a shower..." His stomach growled, "…and some food." He walked over, picked up his coat from the couch, "Thanks Edward. I'll be back within the hour. If she wakes or something happens, call me." I nodded at his demands and he kissed Bella on the forehead before leaving.

Seconds, minutes, and hours passed in excruciating slowness. I rested my head on her bed, my hand never leaving hers, not even when nurses came in to check on her. I heard the door open but didn't raise my head. I didn't need too. The on assault of thoughts from the master prick himself flooded my senses as he closed the door behind me.

"Edward what are you doing here? You should be in school. I've already told you this is a family matter. Not one that concerns you."

I took in a deep breath, breathing in the smell of Bella. I let her sterile scent cloud my mind. I knew I'd run in to Carlisle while I was here. Secretly I hoped Charlie would be here to lessen the blow. It bothered me to no end, not know exactly why it was I disappoint my father so much. It was an ongoing ritual to brutally doubt myself worth around him.

"Is she going to wake up soon?" I asked in spite of my growing anger.

"I don't understand your fascination with her. You know I cannot talk about her condition to anyone other than family. Her family." I looked up at him. To my surprise he actually held a bit of remorse in his eyes. "Son, are you dating Bella?" I shook my head 'no', and allowed myself to feel the hurt swell in my chest. "Then what is it about this girl that has gotten you acting like a clinically depressed teenager for the past month?"

Teetering on the edge of letting go, I locked away the pain and lied, "She's picked on a lot in class and I just feel bad for her." I closed my eyes

"_I'm sorry Bella. You mean so much to me. I don't want that fucker to take you away. If he knows, he'll forbid it. Please forgive me…again."_

It was at that comment to her, I felt it. She moved her finger underneath my hand.

"Dad, she moved!" I stood up unable to manage my enthusiasm.

"_My son is in love. God help you Bella."_

Carlisle waltzed over to her beside. He checked her heart monitor and he pried one of her eyes open shining a pin light in her delicate eyes. This simple act made me want to snap his fingers in two.

"_Pupils are reactive, heart rate is good. Her dressing needs to be changed, but it looks like she'll be waking shortly. Perhaps I should have Edward leave. Chief Swan needs to be contacted." _

I picked up my phone without thinking and called the second person I wanted to share my happiness with. "Hello," Jasper whispered in the phone. I could here the wind blowing in the phone and I assumed he was outside hiding, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. This idea made my body ache with the need of nicotine.

"She's waking up! She fucking moved her finger and it was so fucktastic man. I gotta go though, pappy's about to kick me out," Jasper laughed on the other end and hung up the phone before me.

"Watch you mouth when you're in public," Carlisle sympathetic look was long gone and replace by the all familiar 'you disappoint me' look. I rolled my eyes and then called Charlie. I explained to him that she moved her finger and might be waking up soon. Charlie was already on his way back. After writing some information on her chart, Carlisle left with a resonated look on his face.

Bella hadn't moved again after that one time. I remained seated at her side, defeated. I felt helpless and insignificant. Not only from the lack of hearing Bella, but from Carlisle. I felt this was my fault, my punishment from God. I told her I was sorry over and over again begging for a sign that she heard me.

"_Fuck! Bella what has happen? Why… why can't I feel you or hear you? Please open your eyes, please." _ My begging continued repeatedly.

"Ed," I looked up, surprised to see Jasper standing in the doorway, "let's go get some lunch or something. I know you been here all day and haven't eaten shit."

"I'm not fucking leave her," I placed my head back down, this time resting on her shoulder.

"_So much for fucktacular_." he thought stiffly.

"Piss off," I growled under my breath, but loudly enough for him to hear.

"Fuck man, I was trying to be nice. She has another visitor Edward, some Indian looking boys." I shot up out of the chair fuming with rage. Jasper put his hands on my chest to stop me from storming out of Bella's room. "Her Dad is there too, don't fucking get arrested. How will you be here for her then?" I looked in his eyes. He was so fucking logical.

I shrugged off his hands. I did need to piss, so I could leave for a minute. I went and kissed her soft cheek. "I'll be right back Bella, I promise." I kissed her again and walked out with Jasper.

In the hall with Chief Swan were three very tall, very tan Quileute boys. I remember the tallest, he was the boy that was at Bella's house the night I realized I loved her. I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked briskly down the hall. Jasper's quickly walked behind me.

"_He has no right to be here. He's done nothing but hurt Bella. If he only knew how many times I held her when she cried over him."_

"Don't worry about the white boy. You two were meant for each other man." I didn't recognize the voice. I froze in place ready to turn around. The anger inside me was like nothing I ever felt before. Lucky for them, Jasper placed his hand on my back and pushed me forward.

The stifled laughs behind me were cut off by Chief Swan, "You boys better have some respect or you'll be forced to leave," I smiled to myself. Who would have guessed with my past that an officer would be sticking up for me?

BPOV

You ever dream something so beautiful, you never want to wake? Felt so engrossed by love that it burns you skin, scaring you for life?

No? You should try, it is amazing! That is how I feel now.

In this meadow with Edward standing before me, the skin on his hands and face looked to be sparkling by the sun light. I watch in awe of how graceful he walked across the dew stained grass.

His presents' is so overwhelming to me; it caused my knees buckle when he smiles. He's always smiling. I love his smile. The way one end turned up slightly more than the other, giving him a crooked grin. I wanted so bad to kiss that tiny crease his lips made on his cheek when he smiled.

He stands before me, covered by a purplish white light. We reached out at the same time palms facing each other. His hand dominates mine in size and it warmed my fingers down to the bones.

He took my other hand in to his, placing my hands on his button down shirt. I slowly, one by one, unbuttoned his shirt, until it was lying in a pile on the grass. His entire chest sparkled like diamonds. I quickly brought my hands up to his hair grabbing a handful. He in turn embraced me with his strong arms. I press my lips to his. I kissed him with a greedy and hungry urgency. I needed to taste him in my mouth.

As he parted his lips to give me what I needed so badly, a bright white light exploded from behind us. I could feel what he was feeling. Our frequency threads tangled together like liquid silver.

We were being wrapped together in passion. Under my green shirt, I could feel the fire of his bare chest. Once again, a burst of light exploded from us. The energy we were creating caused orbs of shimmering light to surround us in the long forgotten meadow.

"I love you," his body said to me without words. I felt it, felt him saying it. With every brush of his tongue, with every caress of his hand, I felt his love.

I felt our silver tie being pulled apart. He held me tighter and kissed me with more vigor. I pulled my leg up under his direction to feel him against me. Something was pulling me back. I could feel it gripping my waist under Edward's hands.

Then he was being sucked away by the light, as it disappeared in the distance. We reached out for each other, calling each others names. Then he vanished with the light.

The peaceful meadow was cold and desolate.

Darkness began to take over and I was soon left alone. I don't like this place. There is no trace of Edward. No trace of love. I looked around franticly, searching for anything I could recognize. Suddenly the floor beneath me opened and I was falling. I slammed into something and I felt it… pain. Sharp, antagonizing pain withered through my body. My real body, this was no longer a dream.

"_Bella? Bella can you hear me?" _I heard his angelic voice bouncing off the walls of my head. I wanted to answer but I was just so tired. He took my hand into his, I tried to squeeze his hand, to let him know I heard him, but my hands felt disconnected to my body.

He stayed for hours. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't open my eyes. I was aware of his presents, of ever move he made. The conversation with his father…his apology.

Finally, after hours of trying I mustarded up the energy, I moved the slightest bit under Edward's hand. This produced him to go into an energized frenzy. I could feel the relief in his mind, the joy his body felt. Unfortunately, I couldn't give him more. As desperately as I wanted to, I simply couldn't.

My heart ached at him blaming himself. My maternal instincts swept over me and I felt the urge to coddle him and allow him to cry while I soothed every ache in his body.

"_Fuck! Bella what has happen? Why… why can't I feel you or hear you? Please open your eyes, please." _

Feel me? _"I can feel you Edward I can!"_ I screamed in my head. I prayed he heard me. It was at that moment I realized what he was talking about. His touch felt like everyone else's, just a void feeling.

I also realized Edward could not hear me.

Jasper came, they talked briefly. I heard Jasper talk about Jacob being here. Then he kissed my lips and promised he'd be back. The overwhelming feeling of his leaving the room sent silent cries through my chest.

"_No! Don't leave me. I can wake up. I can…" _I forced my eyes to flutter, _"look at me! I'm waking up. Stay Edward, I love you. I love you." _I twitched my hand again, but it was too late. I heard him and Jasper walk out of the room.

I began to moan slightly. My throat hurt, but not as much as my head. I twitched my hand, wanting to touch the source of the pain.

"Hey Bella, can you hear me?" I opened my eyes to the familiar voice. The bright light shining down on my eyes hurt. I blinked a few times adjusting to the light. A blurry face started to come into focus. Charlie sat on the foot of my bed. His face was red and his eyes seemed puffy. I nodded my head lightly to let him know I indeed heard him.

"Oh thank God. Let me go get Dr. Cullen, I'll be right back sweetheart." When his weight lifted off the bed it caused my body to rock slightly. I winced at the pain.

"Dad," I licked my lips with my sticky saliva, "is… is Edward here?" He smiled a little.

"I'll get him too," he walked out the door. The soft click of the door made echoing sounds in my head. Something was different. I felt empty.

I heard a soft knock on the door and a fat nurse with short black hair entered. She smiled politely at me. She checked the monitors I was connected to. "How are you feeling dear?" her voice sounded full of empathy. I didn't try to speak and just nodded. "Do you know what has happen yet?" I again shook my head, telling her "no".

She forced a smile, "I'll go find your doctor. He'll be able to explain everything. Until then, here is some morphine; it'll help you with the pain." She stuck the needle into my IV line. I instantly felt the source of my pain dull vaguely.

I opened my eyes fully, tears falling sideways down my face, past my ears and on to the pillow. The only soothing thought at this moment, was he promised he'd be back. I continued to move my fingers, going down my body, moving everything I could.

My body check was interrupted by a quiet rap at the door. Jacob poked his head in, smiling wearily at me. He entered followed by Charlie, who was still in uniform, and Dr. Cullen.

Dr. Cullen gave Charlie a crossed look before walking past him to my bed side. "Bella, can you tell me day it is?" Dr. Cullen asked, as he wrote down some information on my chart.

Confusion filling my drug clouded mine. I couldn't hear… anyone. I focused on my brain, only to be greeted with over whelming pain. It seems as if the one thing I wanted so badly to go away was now indeed, gone. I started breathing heavy. The red line on the machine connected to my pulse jumped violently on the green screen.

"_You still heard Edward." _I reminded myself. Wasn't he the only one who I really wanted to hear anyway? My breathing became level just as everyone crowded around the bed.

"Is she okay?" Charlie asked.

"What happen?" Jacob asked.

"She's fine guys, really. Bella can you answer my question?" I looked over at the handsome doctor.

"Thursday?" I asked in a raspy voice. "Where's Edward?" I choked out.

Dr. Cullen shook his head in a form of disbelief, Jacob's body tensed, and Charlie…smiled.

"He's coming now. He was downstairs eating with the other boy, Jasper. He should be here soon," Charlie placed his hand on mine and I attempted to smile. The effort caused my dry lips to crack and I tasted the blood on my lips as I licked it away.

Soon Dr. Cullen was finished checking me. He explained to me what had happen and that I had a small hole in my skull to relieve the pressure build up from a brain tumor. He used medical words I didn't understand as he explained that later I would need to have the tumor removed.

I honestly could not wrap my head around all this. He also theorized that the tumor has be very slow growing, most like since my childhood. Right away, I knew that this is why I was able to hear people. Which brought me to my next thought; by removing the tumor, I would no longer be able to read minds.

This thrilled me and also broke my heart.

A small knock on the door pounded in my head. I lazily looked over to the door as the door opened some of my fears were at bay.

"_Fuck I'm nervous. What if she doesn't hear me? What if this changes everything? Shit I can't loose her, I just fucking got her."_

Edward entered the room running his long fingers though his somewhat tamed muddled hair. His eyes flickered when he saw me looking at him.

"_I can hear you- only you." _I smiled at him. The look on his face disagreed with the fake smile plastered on his face.

"_I never wanted so bad to know what someone was thinking. Fucking figures. I'm cursed." _

"Can I have a moment alone with Edward please? I really need to thank him," I asked my dad, willing him to not feel betrayed or replaced. He kissed me on the cheek and ushered everyone out of the room, patting Edward on the back on the way out.

"You can't hear me?" I asked in shock. "But I can hear you. I can't hear anyone else, just you." He swiftly came to my bedside, taking my hand in his.

"Bella," he licked his lips "I can't feel the fire. The spark, you know that fucking kick ass tingles that surges through you to me," he picked up my hand, placing it softly to his lips.

I frowned at him knowing all to well the vacant void of our touch. Tears formed in my eyes and spilled over. I shook my head back and forth.

"Me either," I cried, as he leaned down and kissed my lips ever so softly.


	10. Chapter 10 Learning

Chapter Ten

EPOV

I cradled Bella's face in my hands kissing her lips softly. I felt her tears run to my hands as she licked my bottom lip, urging me to grant her access to my mouth. I didn't need anymore of an invitation and I darted my tongue out circling her tongue with mine. Though it wasn't full of the sparks, the kissed caused tingles to spread though my chest, to my dick.

She wrapped her little hand into my hair, causing me to moan in her mouth. I wanted so badly to crawl on top of her and grind my growing hard on, onto her. I ran my hands down her neck, allowing just the tips of my fingers to graze her long neck. I felt her smile under my kiss. I started to draw back from the kiss only to have her pull me back.

As much as I really did not want to, we needed to stop before Charlie came back and went all Jerry Springer on my ass.

"Bella," I said, trying to pull away, "your dad." I opened my eyes as she let go of her fist full of hair. She let out a heavy sigh, expressing the same reaction I felt. I watched as more tears silently slipped out of her eyes. "You're going to be fine, you know," I picked up her hand, allowing it to gently rest in mine. Even the simplest act of holding hands made my dick twitch.

"You know, I've always wanted it to disappear. To be normal, have friends, maybe even a boyfriend, but now…now I'm terrified." I watched another tear escape and I wiped it away with the pad of my thumb. I tried to smile at her, reassure her that I thought everything was going to be hunky fucking dory, but my smile came out as a weak lip tremble.

As hard as it was, I tried not to think. And when I did, I forced it to be positive. But in my heart, I was devastatingly petrified for her, and for me.

Soon, the topic changed and we were going on about school, Alice and Jasper. Charlie came back in her room, along with the night nurse. Visiting hours were over and I needed to leave. I reluctantly told Bella I'd see her tomorrow and walked out her door, looking back only to see her tears had began to flow again.

At home I was greeted by Esme sitting in the living room, "Edward, can you come here please." I slumped my shoulders and shuffled my feet to the couch. "Sit," she patted the spot next to her and I flopped down on the couch causing her little frame to bounce. She instantly wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a motherly embrace. "Edward, I want you to know I love you, and no matter what, you can always talk to me," she kissed the top of my head. "I kept your dinner in the microwave. Go eat."

"Thanks Mom," I said, dismissively. Yes, I loved my mom. But was I going to go into my fucked up life with her? Umm no.

I ignored my dinner and went straight to my room. Once again, I was alone. I took out my phone, placing it on my nightstand. Throwing my shoes haphazardly on the floor, I removed my shirt and socks and trenched my way to the shower.

As the hot water streamed down my body, I couldn't help but think about Bella. Nothing new really, I always thought of her. I wondered what her bare breasts looked like; I wondered if she shaved her pubic hair. My dick was growing at the imaginary image I concurred up in my mind.

I thought of all the dirty things I wanted to do to Bella and relieved myself.

After the shower, I smoked another cigarette and crawled into bed willing myself to sleep. Bella's words replaying over and over in my head… "A boyfriend." Finally, I fell asleep with a new mission in mind; I was going to ask Isabella Swan to officially be my girlfriend. No matter what shit life threw at us, Bella would be more than just my cure.

The next day, I was forced to go to school. Pappy knew how to use leverage. If I didn't go I wouldn't have a car. My visit after school was crowded and I didn't get a chance to be alone with Bella. Saturday, her mom came in. That shit didn't keep me from seeing her, but it did keep my visit short. Sunday, was horrendous. I sat with Charlie and Renee and found out what Monday had in store. Bella would have her tumor removed.

For five days I spent ignoring this day. Monday's suck dick, this we all know. But this Monday didn't just suck any dick, it sucked elephant dick. I was waiting next to Charlie, Renee, that fucker Jacob, his crippled pop, Jasper and Alice, as Bella was in surgery. The thought of someone fucking around in her head, made me want to puke all over Jacob's long black hair.

My headaches gradually grew worse throughout the week, thanks to the lack of silence when Bella and I touched. I couldn't get enough nicotine in my system, and I was out of valium. I am one smart ass remark away from climbing my clock tower and taking out everyone with me.

I paced the halls, annoyed the nurses, and fucked with Carlisle... mostly for fun. I learned there are one hundred and twenty-six tiles that make up the decorated image on the front of the nurses station. It took forty-four steps from where I sat to the door where they wheeled Bella through. Looking down at my watch, again, I have been here for five hours, seventeen minutes and ten seconds…eleven…twelve…

Jasper and Alice were the first to leave, followed by Jacob and his father. Renee sat nervously on one couch in the waiting room; she mostly blamed herself for what has happen. Charlie who was seated in a small office chair thought the same. Apparently, Renee left Charlie when Bella was only an infant. Renee claimed that Forks wasn't her kind of town, even though she grew up here. Much to Charlie's dismay, Renee moved to Phoenix with Bella, and did not allow Bella to visit often.

I sat off in the corner, running my fingers religiously through my hair. We all heard the door in the hall open and we simultaneously stood up. The nurse came in the room to tell us Bella was out of surgery and headed to a new ICU room.

As we all walked just below a jog to her room, we were greeted by none other than pappy.

"_I can do this, for my patient, I can do this. Wow he looks like shit. I wonder if he's sleeping well?"_

I was slightly taken back at the concern in Carlisle's thoughts. I was expecting the normal jest crap that came along with him.

"_I guess I'd look that way to if I had a daughter in this condition." _

Ah, there it was the let down, the shame, the remorse that I will never live up to his expectations. I clinched my fists in my pockets and evened out my breathing. Charlie must have noticed my demeanor and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, she's gonna be just fine," Charlie said to me as we neared toward doctor dickhead.

"Charlie, Renee," he stuck out his hand for a shake, Renee shook his hand first and Charlie simply stood with his one hand in his pocket and the other on my shoulder.

"Umm, well Bella's surgery went without incident. We will keep her under anesthesia for the rest of the day and some of tomorrow, then we'll gradually ease her awake. This is when we'll find out if Bella has received any permanent brain damage. Are there any questions you have?" he stood before us looking like the ideal worried doctor.

"_Yummy, look at the mama. Damn, to have my hand over those breasts."_

"Yeah, I do," I couldn't help myself from not speaking up. It was the filter failure moment. "Your wife wants to know when you're gonna be home? It's been a few days." I walked past him, knocking him in the shoulder with mine and quietly walked into Bella's room.

Renee and Charlie came in shortly after. I gave Bella a kiss on the cheek, hand, and ever piece of skin I could before walking over to the couch. I had only fifteen minutes with her and then it was time for me to leave.

I stayed up that night doing homework, reading emails, and jerking off. Sleep evaded me until about three in the morning. Even still it was a restless sleep. Dreams of a life with no Bella woke me at six. Just in time to get ready for school.

While smoking my morning cigarette, I took note that Carlisle came home last night. I smiled at my doing and flicked my cigarette onto the wet ground below.

Tuesday sucked. Wednesday sucked. Thursday sucked. I went to school. Listened to people say Bella was dying or pregnant and that is why she hadn't been in school. Jasper hovered over me asking me if I was suicidal yet.

Friday, I ditched and went to the hospital, only because I knew pappy didn't have to work. Esme had some painting for him to do, so no chance of him popping in at the hospital. I had something special for Bella, and I couldn't wait till later to do it.

I found Renee in Bella's room. She was flicking through channels on the elevated TV.

"Hey," she said, as I walked in. I looked over at Bella and took note that they removed the tube from her throat and I could now see her face fully. Her pouty lips were swollen and red marks were around her mouth. "They removed it about two hours ago. They want to start waking her up." I walked over to her and kissed the red marks on both sides of her lips.

"She looks better," I noted to Renee. "Do you mind if I have a few moments with her. I have something I want to do, and doing it in front of someone is kinda weird." Renee wore a horrified look on her face. When I heard her thoughts, a small laugh escaped my throat. "Yeah that didn't come out right," I opened my backpack and pulled out a worn copy of 'The Grapes of Wrath', "I'm gonna read to her," I specified.

Her face relaxed and smiled a bit. "Of course, I'll join Charlie for a bite to eat. You really love her don't you?"

I looked down at her resting beautifully on the bed, my heart hurt seeing her like this. I smiled up at Renee, letting my unspoken words speak for me.

When Renee left, I pulled the recliner over to her bedside. I settled in and began my reading to her. In some ways I prayed she could hear me, hear my voice reading to her. In others, I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide in fear she could hear me when I stammered on words. I wanted it to be perfect for her. I wanted to be…romantic.

Yep, Edward, Mac Daddy, Cullen on his own free will wanted to be romantic. Jasper can never ever find this shit out.

I was on the third chapter when I got up to get a drink of water. Reading out loud was exhausting. As filled up the small plastic glass with tap water and began drinking.

"Ugh." I heard behind me and spit the water out of my mouth. It sprayed over the counter and small mirror. I dropped the cup in the sink and ran to her bedside.

"Bella, I'm here," I grabbed her hand with one of mine and pressed the nurse call button with my other. She let out another moan and I kissed her hand. "Shh... don't try to talk. The nurse is coming," I said, while pushing the call button again. Seriously, where the fuck is the nurse?

"Edward?" she asked in barely a whisper. My heart leapt with joy that she knew who I was. I pressed the button again.

"Fuck! Hang on love," I reluctantly let go of her hand and ran to the door. "HEY!" I yelled. A nurse sitting behind the station looked up at me with a bored expression on her face. "Get your ass in here! I've been buzzing you," I yelled at her.

The nurse came in and paged the doctor. I called Charlie and him and Renee showed up in about two minutes of my call. We all stood side by side as the doctor asked her questions.

"Do you know where you are?" she asked as she listened to Bella's heart beat.

"The hospital," she answered in a hushed voice. I grabbed Charlie's hand when she answered correctly. I quickly released it when I had actually realized I had done it.

"Do you know who this is?" she motioned for Renee to come closer.

"My mom," Bella answered. This time Charlie was the one to grab mine. I didn't flinch away from his grasp or try to remove my hand from his.

"And him?" She pointed to Charlie.

"My dad," Charlie's mind went racing along with Renee's. We were all thinking the same thing… Bella is going to be just fine.

"What about this young man?" I walked to her bed side and picked up her hand. I smiled widely at her.

"Edward," hearing my name from anyone had never sounded so good. Goosebumps scattered across my body and tears formed in the pits of my eyes.

At the last answer Charlie held Renee in his arms and they both cried tears of joy.

"_What… is… and…"_

I stared down at Bella. My heart started racing.

"_Bella, I heard you! In pieces but I heard you!" _I all but yelled at her. I wanted to scream for joy at the top of my lungs.

"_You… hear…" _Her eyes lit up and a small smile spread across her lips. I nodded yes.

Her heart monitor started to race, "Bella, are you are you in pain?" the doctor asked, in a concerned voice. Bella shook her head no.

"Just happy," she whispered, as a tear slid out of her eye.

I could hear Bella clearer everyday that passed. I came up with a brilliant theory of my own this time. The drugs were clouding my ability to hear her. She concurred with this theory and laughed that I had become smarter than her. She was unable to hear anyone... but me. I was jubilant at this change. I no longer had to worry about her hearing the vile crap that was in people's minds. They could no longer taint her innocents and beauty. Only I could!

Our fire has yet to return, but I have faith that it will.

Though she was still in the hospital we spent our afternoon catching her up on school work. By her demand, not mine. We even made a promise that when she was better, she'd teach me to find my own silence.

I continued to read to her, by her demand- again. I never realized she was such a demanding person. I fucking loved it.

But, throughout all the talks and all the time together, the big "L" word never came up. I didn't want to tell her now; I wanted it to be special and meaningful. Not just a rash decision because of the situation.

A few more days passed and Bella was able to go home. To Bella's surprise, Renee was staying with them for awhile.

"_What are they thinking?"_ she begged for play by play on their thoughts.

"_Mind your own business, it's rude to tell people's secrets,"_ she smacked me on the shoulder. Turning to watch TV again, she crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip. I groaned inwardly. I hated the pout. It pulled at my heart strings.

"_Please,"_ she asked batting her eye lashes_, "I won't tell them I know. I won't even react. I promise." _She crossed her heart with her finger.

I brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear, kissing her temple and whispered, "No Bella, I will not tell you."

"_Gee and here I was thinking you loved me,"_ horror filled her eyes as the words escaped her thoughts and I stared at her in shock_. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't have said that," _she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, _"just forget I said that okay."_

"Bella, I…" I wanted so desperately to tell her. I took her hand into mine, longing for our missing spark. _"Would you be my girlfriend?" _

I watched as the redness from her neck grew up to her cheeks. She was so beautiful when she blushed. I had to keep reminding Mr. Poon that we would not push _that_ particular subject anytime soon. "Yes." She said out loud and all but jumped in my lap. "I've been waiting for you to ask me that. It took you long enough," she said, as she leaned down gently to kiss my awaiting lips. As our lips touched, disappointment rose again and the missing silence her touch once provided me.

The following week she was able to return to school. I picked her up in the morning gleaming with pride that she was officially my girlfriend. Mine.

"_You're sure you're ready for this?" _I asked, as I opened her car door. She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"_Yes Edward, I'm sure. I even get to wear your hat in school," _she sat down in her seat and grabbed my worn blue ball hat from the dash board. I smiled at the way she looked.

After returning to my seat and her reminding me a few times to keep my eyes on the road, we made it to school.

"_Wow, umm, everyone is staring at us. Why?" _I loved how she was so clueless now.

"_Bella's back. She must have had an abortion," _one girl said.

"_He's still with her? I still don't see what he sees in her. She so plain," _that wasn't any girl- that was the devil incarnate, Jessica.

"There just curious as to where you've been that's all," I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer. As we passed Jessica, I gave Bella a kiss on the top of her head.

"Asshole." I heard her say. I smiled at her and kept walking.

"_Thank fucking God," _I thought to myself.

"_Thank God what?" _Bella looked up at me with the most innocent eyes. I kissed her forehead and just shook my head dismissing the thought all together.

It was painful to let Bella go to class. First through third periods, I didn't register a fucking thing the nimrod teachers were talking about. But fourth period, I got to be next to Bella again and it was heaven.

I didn't let go of her hand once from the time she sat down until lunch was over the following hour. I begged her to ditch the rest of the day but like a good little girl, she refused.

When the final bell rang I ran to her locker, knocking people over and not really giving a flying fuck. Soon I saw her walking towards me with Alice and Jasper.

Alice was visualizing a movie and playing the words in her head. Jasper was drooling over the low cut sweater Alice was wearing.

"Jasper, seriously dude? Alice where are his balls?" Jasper gave me the finger and Alice laughed.

"I keep them in my purse. I only give them back when there needed," Bella looked horrified.

"_Oh they know I can hear them. I guess I forgot to tell you that huh." _

"_Ya think," _she said as she reached around my waist. I wrapped her in my arms for dear life.

"Were going on a nature walk this weekend wanna join us?" Alice asked.

"Shut the fuck up right now," Jasper pointed at me.

"Na we're good. Bella and I have some things we need to practice on," I said, gently kissing the top of her head again. Damn she looked good in my hat.

"_I bet you do. How long has it been?" _I all but growled at Jasper. Fuck I'm glad she can't hear him.

"You know there are something's we're gonna have to clear up about your thought process," I said giving him a serious look.

"Sure, meet you at your car, I don't have any smokes and I know you do. Later Bella," he said as he held Alice's hand and they walked away.

"_Aww, he loves her, how sweet." _Alice looked over her shoulder at us and I simply smiled. Pixie's starting to grow on me again.

After giving Jasper some smokes, waiting in the long line of cars to leave the parking lot, Bella and I finally made it to her house. There was a moving van in the yard with its back door open and ramp lowered to the front door.

I of course knew what was going on. I hated not telling Bella, but I also knew Charlie and Renee wanted it to be a surprise to Bella.

"What the fudge?" She hardly waited for me to park the car and she did her version of running to the door. I only stopped her once from tripping on a tree root. "Dad? What is going on? What are all these boxes?" I could hear the panic in her voice and I wrapped my hands around her waist from behind her and kissed her behind her ear. When I did, I swore my lips heated slightly. I did it again and nothing.

"Oh, hey Bella, umm well…" Charlie stumbled over his words.

"I'm moving in." Renee said from behind us.

BPOV 

Shock. That is the only word that could explain my emotion. As soon as I turned and saw Edward smiling, fury built up inside me.

"You knew?" I poked him in the chest.

"Maybe," He answered with a smile. Any ounce of anger I might have felt fled with my heart at his smile. I smiled back and went to give Renee a hug.

Knowing she was not with Phil anymore, well, was more than a relief then I can express. But I simply couldn't understand how or why Charlie would take her back after all those years of resentment. I was happy for them, but this was something that I would have to get use to.

"You're okay with this right? Oh Charlie, we should have talked to her about this," Renee said as she let go of our embrace.

"Oh, well, yeah, I guess." I said in a confused state. Edward nudged my shoulder, "of course, yeah it's great. It's just a bit shocking really." I watched Charlie smile and Renee walk over to him. They grabbed hands and a queasy feeling rumbled in my stomach. "We're gonna go study," I grabbed Edward's hand and tripped/ran my way to my room.

"_Oh my God Edward! Why didn't you tell me about this? That was like uber weird!" _I dropped my backpack on the desk chair. Edward put his down in front of my door after he closed it quietly.

"_They wanted to surprise you, and well, it's really the first time ever they've been able to. I didn't want to take that away from you. Surprises are good."_

He was in front of me running his hands over my arms. As I walked back he stalked forward and I felt the bed behind me.

I sat down taking off his hat. I flinched slightly at the pain. I was healing quickly but my head was still tender. Edward placed his knee on the bed beside me and pushed me gently on to my back.

"_You're beautiful you know that," _he said, as he leaned down and ever so softly grazed his lips with mine. I closed my eyes enjoying the intimacy of him. Even without the spark, his touch was amazing.

I pushed my lips to his wanting more. My body had ached for him for so long. I wanted to feel the pressure of him on top of me. I wanted to feel the yearning sensation in my stomach. I wanted to feel _him_ pressing against me. I ran my hand up the back of his shirt, pulling him toward me as he tried to sit back up.

I lifted his shirt off discarding it on the floor. My breath hitched at the sight of him. His pale skin was smooth, his muscles were lean and he had the tiniest bit of chest hair starting to cover his chest. I ran my hands over his bony shoulder blades and glided my hands to his messy hair. I gripped it firmly in my hands and forced him down to my lips.

We kissed with an urgency I had never felt before. His hands on either side of my head that held his weight off me, slowly moved to my face and down my neck. I moaned at the feeling of his weight on me. He started to move away and I gripped him tighter.

"_I'm fine. Don't stop." _I told him as I dragged my nails seductively over his sensitive back.

"_I can't… if… li.." _I couldn't understand him. His thoughts were cutting in and out and I only heard every other word. I pushed him off me and sat up so quickly it made my head dizzy.

"What did you say?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"I said I can't stop if you keep kissing me like that." My face beamed with delight.

"Edward, I didn't say 'stop' I said 'I'm fine, don't stop.'" Edward's finally understood what I was saying and he threw himself at me again kissing me everywhere.

"It's coming back!" he practically shouted when he was finished kissing my face and neck. I was laughing and smiling with my boyfriend. _My boyfriend. _Something I never thought I'd have. At this moment, I have never been so happy.

"You kids okay?" Charlie shouted up the stairs. Edward jumped off me at the sounds of the creaking stairs.

"_Shit. Fuck. Come on shirt work with me." _I sat up on my bed fixing my hair. The back pack in front of the door gave Edward just enough time to adjust his shirt to its normal fashion. I got up to move the backpack and Charlie opened the door looking around.

"What was that shouting about?" Charlie eyed Edward and me.

"I was just happy to hear that the Mariners are on a come back," Edward spoke up as he walked over to retrieve his backpack from me.

"Oh okay, well keep this door open," he said, and walked back down the stairs.

Edward and I fell onto the bed laughing.

"_The Mariners? Do you know how much crap could have happen by mentioning sports to Charlie?" _I asked resting my head on his chest.

"_I do. But I heard Charlie thinking about the game tonight and so I kinda had inside information." _ He ever so gently ran his fingers through my hair. _"Does it hurt badly still?"_

"_Not too much. You're fine. Wanna try something?" _I looked up at him the best I could. I only had a good view of what was up his nostrils.

"_With you- anything," _he replied, along with a brief kiss on my head. My heart fluttered away with the butterflies in my stomach.

* * *

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	11. Chapter 11 Bliss

Chapter Eleven

**EPOV**

"Close your eyes," I did as I was told, _"okay now focus on your mind, on my voice. Do you feel that?" _

"_You talking like that is gonna give me a stiffy." _I half joked with her; she was using such an erotic, soft, gentle voice, and it was indeed starting to make Mr. Poon want some added friction.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I opened my eyes to see her blushing, or perhaps she was pissed? Either way, that shade of pink drove me fucking crazy. "Mr. Poon is getting no action from me…" she smiled wickedly at me, "unless you focus and do as you're told."

That little bit of information was enough for me to pay complete attention to Bella. Being with her is nothing short of heaven. Every look she gives me, every gentle brush of her hand, every tender touch of her lips made my heart beat fast and my head spin on its axis. This girl is astonishing, and she is all mine.

"Sorry," I said, out loud grinning from ear to ear not really meaning it.

"_Breath in deeply and follow the waves that my voice makes." _I tried to listen to her, really I did. I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about though. I didn't know what "wave" she was speaking about, I only knew that she was filling my head with the most sexual voice known to man.

"_Bella, what wave? It's more like a spider web consuming my head." _I grabbed her hand and placed it on my hardening cock. _"And you are seriously giving me a hard on." _I opened my eyes to see her eyes as wide as saucers. She looked complexed.

For a second I felt like an idiot placing her hand on me like that, but when she didn't move her hand, my heart sped up to the point of almost exploding.

She was looking down at her hand, biting her bottom lip, and began to sing the alphabet song. She was hiding her thoughts from me. Sneaky little girl, she is. This, naturally, encouraged me to push farther.

Charlie or not, I can't take this shit anymore. I moved my hand on top of hers. I gently moved it down the length of my now hard shaft, showing her what to do. We took in a deep breath together. The pressure of her hand, at that moment, was fucking ecstasy. A deep groan vibrated my throat.

I looked in her trusting eyes and lost all control. I swiftly knelt up on my knees, placing one hand around her waist the other wrapped in her hair. I pressed my lips to hers, holding nothing back. I heard her moan softly as my tongue entered her mouth.

She matched the rhythm of my tongue with her own; she continued to move her hand up and down on me. I press my weight down on her, causing her to lie back. She twisted her free hand in my hair, forcing my head to tilt to one side, forcing her tongue farther in my mouth.

I ran my hand over the exposed skin of her stomach, feverishly running my hand up her shirt. The feel of her soft skin made me involuntarily grind my aching shaft in to her accompanying hand.

Her thoughts dissolved. Leaving my mind empty and hallow. I rejoiced inwardly as I pushed myself in her hand again. Mine.

I broke our kiss, only to kiss down her delicious neck. When I reached just below her ear, she breathed in sharply, and shuddered under me with excitement. I followed the strap of her bra to the back where the clasps were, silently waiting for permission.

"Oh God, please don't stop." She whispered as she arched her chest allowing me access to remove her bra. With one quick motion, her bra freed me access to fondle her breast. As I traced my hand back, trailing my previous path, I allowed my thumb to gently graze over her tight, hardened nipple.

I pushed her shirt up, along with her bra, resting it just below her neck. I sat up, straddling her thighs, admiring the sight below me. Her one hand slid under my shirt and played with the trail of hair just below my belly button. Her eyes where hooded with lust, her nipples begged to be touched, a tiny bit of hip bone teased me, as it peaked out from her low cut jeans.

I watched as her gooseflesh skin went from pale to pink. Thrusting my hips forward, pressing my cock to her jean covered sex, the urge to feel her consumed me.

I ran my tongue from her hip bone up her side, leaving a wet trail behind me. She shivered and let out a small giggle. "That tickles," she said, wrapping both her hands in my hair. I reached her nipple, teasing it with my teeth. As she let out another moan, I felt her raise her hips grinding herself on me.

As I sucked her right nipple, flicking it with the tip of my tongue, I palmed her other, giving her needy nipple a soft squeeze.

She continued to grind on me, as I continued to work her breasts. I could feel the oncoming orgasm deep in my groin, just waiting for the release. She opened her legs slightly, granting me a better position to run my fingers down her clit through her jeans.

I kissed down her stomach, Mr. Poon protested at the lack of friction as my waist moved down the gap in her legs, but I had better things in mind. I wanted to watch Bella come undone.

**BPOV**

My body was burning from the inside out. With every kiss he bestowed upon my exposed skin. I could feel the wetness between my legs and it was becoming uncomfortable. I wanted his body back on mine so I could grind my hot sex against him.

Oddly enough, I didn't feel self conscience like I thought I would with someone seeing me with my top off. It just seemed…right. I've dreamed many nights about this; about him. Although in my dreams his fingers left trails of burning desire as they moved across my body.

And the fact that I hadn't heard one thought from Edward since he placed my hand on his crotch, hasn't gone unnoticed. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked if he wanted to try something, but this is so much better.

I was brought out of my thinking by Edward unzipping my jeans. In the back of my mind I knew I should probably stop this with Charlie being just down stairs, but my body is beyond "in control."

He began to tug them down over my hips and I lifted myself so he could pull them off. He pulled them down to my knees and began kissing up my thigh. I was starting to feel a bit exposed now. Had I known this was going to happen, perhaps I would have prepared for it a bit, like shave. My stubble didn't seem to bother him as he brushed his hand over my cotton panties causing me to let out an exasperated sigh. I felt him smile against me as he continued to devour his way up my leg.

My body ached for him; all of him. I wanted…needed to know what he looked like naked. How his bare shaft felt in my hand, on my body…in my body.

I grabbed at his shirt, trying to pull it over his head. He assisted me and threw it over his shoulder. He continued to kiss my stomach just above my panties as he slowly began pulling them down. I again lifted my hips, to help him and because I needed to feel him touch me there again.

When I felt him brush his hand over my slightly grown out pubic area, I moved my hands to cover myself in embarrassment. "Don't do that Bella," he looked up at me, "you're beautiful." He said, and gently moved my hands. I could feel the heat in my face, as I ran my fingers to his sex crazed hair.

I was trembling with anticipation. I wondered if he was really going to taste me, or if he was just going to play with me. Either way, I was pretty sure, I was about to experience my very first orgasm.

He ran his hand between my lips, finding the ball of nerves nestled between them. I bit my lip hard to hold in a moan that was forming in the base of my throat. He circled my sex with his finger, spreading the wetness around. I bucked my hips for more. I felt so close already. How could I be so close so soon?

He ran his finger down to my entrance, teasing it with his long, thin finger. I let out a throaty groan and opened my legs, a silent beg for him to enter. "Are you sure?" he asked with a very sexy smile on his face. I nodded yes, and felt him enter my wet, needy sex.

The feeling was unbelievable. I expected it to hurt, but all I felt was pleasure. As he slid his finger back out, I felt his tongue lick up my slit and swirl around my tightly wound clit.

An incredible sensation began to form in my legs. My body began to shake as I exploded with heat and tingles. I grabbed a handful blankets, let out long soft moans, as I tried to gain my composure, as he continued to work his fingers and tongue.

I opened my eyes, when I felt him remove his fingers from me; he was looking up at me smiling so…lovingly?

"_That was by far the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen." _He said, as I slowly pulled my panties and pants back over me. He began kissing back up my body; he reached my nipple and I felt blazing heat.

He jolted up; I sat up, we stared at each other for a long second then we crashed our lips together. The fire burned our mouths; the sparks flew through his hands to my body. The tingles between my legs grew more and more urgent. I pushed him back on his back and climbed on top of him. I felt the budge in his pants and I glided my hips over it roughly.

We crushed into each others bodies with vigor; each of us craving more and more heat.

My hand ran over his face, my fingers were replaced by his lips as I kissed my way down his chin to the luscious skin under his jaw. I wanted his lips to still feel the burn of my touch. He opened his mouth licking the tips of my fingers. He pulled my shirt over my head, I let my bra drop and I flung it over the side of the bed to the floor. As I kissed his neck, tasting every inch of him I possibly could, my nipples tingled with sparks, fire, and lust as they brushed up against his exposed chest.

I continued to thrust my sensitive sex over him. I hoped the denim rubbing against him didn't hurt. I had no clue exactly what I was doing, but I must have been doing something right. He growled softly as he gripped his hand in my hair, pulling me back to his lips.

His breathing began to become erratic as I fastened my pace of gliding. "I'm gonna come soon, don't stop." He said, in my ear so softly that a shiver ran through my body. I took his earlobe into my mouth biting it softly. "Fuck… fuck… fuck…" he chanted over and over as he grabbed my ass moving me faster. I felt the tingles in my legs again. He grunted loudly and his body tensed under me. I rubbed myself on him faster and faster. He buried his face in the nook of my shoulder; I buried mine in his and came, as he released himself in his jeans.

I collapse on him breathing heavy, living somewhere on cloud twenty four. I trailed my fingers over his chest as he traced my spine, leaving the burning trail I so desperately missed.

"It's mother fucking back." Edward said, pushing me back up to a sitting position.

"Indeed it is." I said with a smile. He lifted his hand in the air; I pressed my open palm against his, closed my eyes, and lost myself with love.

"I love you."

I opened my eyes to see Edward red with blush, his jade green eyes staring at me with a mix of fear and awe. My heart took a jump to my throat, my body broke out into a sheen of sweat; Edward just old me he loves me.

Was this because of what had just happened? What if it was and he really didn't mean it? Do I really tell him I love him too?

"Bella?" he said, in a timid voice. "I mean it. I have for awhile now." He sat up, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "I was born, to tell you I love you."

"Edward," I pressed my forehead to his, "I love you too." We kissed softly as he pulled my bare chest to his. This kiss was different. His tongue softly brushed my lips, teasing, playful, and loving. It wasn't full of extreme need or loss; no, this was him making love to my mouth.

I broke our kiss first. I was so high on my emotions right now. My heart pounded loudly in my chest, my blood raced quickly thought my veins, the lump in my throat threatened to escape as I continued to gaze lovingly at Edward.

I closed my eyes and simply felt him.

Our alternate universe was interrupted when we heard Renee and Charlie talking at the bottom of the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, reality hit; the bedroom door was still open, and I was sitting, half naked on my boyfriend.

I frantically ran to the door closing it as much as possible. Edward tossed me my bra, and I threw him his shirt. I ran to him picking up my shirt from the floor, throwing it over my head in a panic.

The stairs started to creek and Renee let out laugh, Edward straightened out my hair and shook his head slightly smiling.

_(Knock, knock)_

"Edward, time to go, School tomorrow, and it's already ten." Renee said from outside my door. She continued down the hall toward Charlie's bedroom.

The image of my parents sleeping in the same house was enough for me to cringe; the thought of them sleeping in the same bed, was unimaginable. Truthfully, it made me want to gag a bit.

I looked over at Edward; he was sitting on the bed putting his shoes back on. His face was flushed red; his hair was messier than normal, due to my need to run my fingers through is bronze sex mop. He smiled viciously at me, giving me a devilish wink.

"_Bronze sex mop?" _I chuckled at him slightly and childishly stuck my tongue out at him. _"Don't stick that out unless you plan on using it."_

I stuck it out again, giving him a wink as I opened my bedroom door. He stood up, adjusting himself in his soiled pants. _"Fuck, that shit is gonna hurt when I take them off since they are glued like a bitch to my pubes." _

Laughing at him, _"Maybe next time it won't be in your pants."_ His eyes widened and he stalked towards me, grabbed my face and crashed his swollen lips to mine. I sighed unintentionally in his mouth, caused him to let one out as well. The vibrations tickled my burning, spark fill mouth.

Finally making our way to his car, we kissed goodnight- again, and I watched as he drove away with my heart. I was completely, no doubts about it, permanently in love with Edward.

**EPOV**

I went to bed right when I got home. I skipped the shower; the thought of washing her scent off me was unfathomable. But I did wash the sperm induced super glue that was smeared over my junk and stomach. And, I was indeed correct when I said it was gonna hurt like a bitch. When I pulled my boxers away from my body, a strip of tiny hair stuck to the elastic waist band. I vowed to never in my fucking life get anything waxed on my body. Mother fucking ever!

Sleep came quickly for me and my dreams were filled with soft skin and chestnut hair. I woke up the next morning with a raging hard on, Mr. Poon was silently begging me for a shower and a little man to hand love.

Three cigarettes, two valiums, and one nut later, I was walking out the door ready to pick up my Bella. I turned up the radio, feeling the song lyrics intertwine with how I felt at the moment; blissful. The sun was even shining brightly today, making my exceptional mood that much better.

As I turned on her street, I saw Bella waiting on her front porch. Red highlights glistened in her hair, her bright white smile- _my smile_, spread across her face. She walked down her steps to meet me at the curb. As I put the Volvo in park she was opening her door.

She leaned across the console, kissing me with enough passion that made me forget to breath. She leaned back in her seat, letting out a stretched sigh of relaxation. I rested my hand on her lap, she placed hers in mine and we drove to school with love induced smiles.

Bella followed me to meet Jasper in our unspoken greeting area. She leaned up against the hard brick as I greedily kissed her. Her hands tangled in my hair, my hands flat against the wall behind her.

"Hey Casanova, get a room." I rolled my eyes and broke our kiss.

"Don't be jealous because he can get play now and you can't." Alice said playfully pushing Jasper.

"Oh, don't be so sure I won't get what I want from you little thing. I fully intend…"

"Jazz!" I yelled at him, interrupting his verbal sex vomit. I pointed to Bella who was turning ten shades of red.

"What?" he questioned as Alice leaned up against the building beside Bella. He leaned up against Alice kissing her quickly on the lips. "I'm sure she's heard worse. You really think you're the only man who has…"

I pushed away from Bella, grabbed Jasper by his jacket, pushing him against the school next to his fucking pixie girlfriend. "Never speak of another man and Bella together again." He smiled joyously at me and started laughing.

"_Edward!" _Both Bella and Alice yelled at me. I let go of Jasper slightly embarrassed by the animalistic need to own my girlfriend.

"Edward fuck man, you got it bad." He straightened up his jacket and grabbed a hold of Alice. I reached out my hand for Bella, she took it without hesitation. "You two fu…"

"Jasper!" the three of us yelled at him. Alice added a needed slap to the back of his head. It was slightly amusing to watch her tiny ass reach up on her tippy toes to do so.

"Fuck let me finish, shit sake." He said, rubbing the side of his head. "You're paying for that later." He pointed at Alice who blushed, "I was saying, you two fuckers wanna ditch and go to the rez with Alice and me?"

I was game. If it meant more time with Bella, I'd do anything. I looked down at Bella who seemed indifferent. "Wanna?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. She continued to give me the look. You know the 'mom look'. "Please," I added with my famous panty dropping smile. She smiled back and the four of us walked back to the parking lot and piled into Jasper's truck.

Bella and I snuggled in the back seat. Alice had her head in Jasper's lap. I assumed giving him a fuck awesome blow job. I still can't deny her praise, she had skills.

We pulled up to an old house, which resembled a log cabin. Dark tan Quileute boys walked out to great Jasper. Bella slumped down in my lap; I could hear her heart pounding.

I let go of her hand so we had no skin to skin contact, "_what's wrong?" _

"_I don't want to be seen. I'm afraid that Billy or Jacob will be around." _

Anger rose in my chest, burning like a bad case of heartburn. I brushed my hand softly over the exposed side of her face, reassuring her that everything was fine. I watched Jasper hand off some money to one of the boys and shake hands. He ran back to the truck, closing the door loudly behind him.

"Score." He said to Alice and she bounced slightly beside him.

"What did you get?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Ex." He said holding up four pills in a clear baggy.

"She's not taking one." I said sternly. Jasper reversed the truck, in the rear view mirror I saw him grinning like a fool. I continued to stroke Bella's hair with one hand, and held her hand in the other.

Alice turned toward me, staring at me in annoyance. I realized she was saying something to me and couldn't hear her.

"I can't hear you." I said with a smile. Alice looked confused and raised her eyebrow at me. "When Bella and I touch…" I felt her shoot up looking intently at me. _"I think its okay. They won't judge." _She took my hand again giving a one shoulder shrug. "When I touch Bella, it goes away. I can't hear a damn thing and it's fucking wonderful." I said giving her a kiss on the cheek. The warmth lingered for a moment, than disappeared to soon.

"You're not her father Edward." Alice said out loud. "What right do you have to say what she can and can not do? Besides, we weren't gonna do it until this weekend. Bella can stay with me and I can stay with her and we all can stay at Jasper's."

"As much as I'd love nothing more than to have a full night with Bella, she still isn't gonna take that shit. No fucking way." I looked over at Bella who had the sexiest angry look on her face. "What?" I said stupidly to her.

"She right, I am my own person, who is more than capable of making my own decisions." She raised her brow at me and set her jaw. I smiled at her stubbornness.

"Okay, but you're not doing ex." I said again with a smile.

"If I did, what would happen? Would you leave and let me fend for myself, or have me turn to someone else for help?" She smiled evilly back at me. I pictured someone else touching Bella. I leaned down to cover her mouth with mine.

I forced her mouth open, claiming her.

"Christ why don't you just piss on her and claim your territory already." Jasper laughed as we pulled off the reservation. I gave him the finger, never letting my lips part from Bella.

She moaned quietly in my mouth and brought her hands to my hair. She pulled roughly and it caused my growing cock to twitch in my pants. Bella finally broke the kiss; her face was flushed with arousal and her lips bright red from the added blood.

"Fucking perfect." I said out loud; instantly regretting the lack of filter, as Jasper laughed loudly from the driver's seat. We pulled up to his house; I was content in life at this moment. I had a fuckatcular girlfriend, and two friends who are starting to remind me more and more o f Vikki and James.

We all settled in, in Jasper's living room. Alice was sprawled out on his sofa, Bella and I curled up together on his recliner. We mindlessly trailed our hands over each others, not bothering to talk. I loved this about her. She didn't see the need to constantly talk.

We appreciated the comfort of silence, when most need noise.

Jasper came back to the living room carrying four beers. He handed one to Alice and added a kiss on her forehead, and handed two to me, then cracked the top on his beer and took in a long swig.

I set on beer on the table and opened mine up, following Jasper and downing half the can in one take. Bella leaned up to grab the other beer. I stopped her hand as she grasped it off the table.

"What are you doing?" I asked her like a dumb fuck. I knew what she was doing, but I'd be damned if she was gonna do it.

"Drinking a beer?" she answered in question form.

"No, you're not." I said and took the cold can from her hand. "You are still on medication, and it can seriously fuck with your body. I'm not taking that chance."

She stood up, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm getting a beer." She stated stubbornly. She walked off to the kitchen. I stood to follow her but Alice stood in front of me.

"_Would you rather her do it here with you, or later without?" _she looked up at me with a knowingly look on her face.

"Fuck you." I said as I slumped back down in the chair. Jasper let out a hushed laugh then lit up a cigarette and handed it to me. "Thanks."

I heard Bella open her can, and walk back to the living room. "See watch." She took a sip from her beer and made a sour face. "Eww, that tastes like crap."

I laughed at her bitter beer face and pulled her down to me. "You'll get use to it. Just drink it before it gets warm, then it really tastes like shit." I said kissing the back of her head.

We watched a movie and Bella finished off her first beer and was on to her second. I was still uncomfortable with her drinking, but Alice had a valid point. Soon the movie was over and Bella was stumbling to the fridge to retrieve her third beer.

Her everyday clumsiness was amplified by ten and it was hard not to giggle as she tripped over the area rug in front of the fridge.

"I think it's save to say, for the first time, Bella Swan is drunk." Jasper laughed out loud and I joined.

I looked back to the kitchen at Bella; she looked over at us with a huge grin on her face. "I can hear you guys; like really hear you."

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**A/N: So.. I'm completely nervous about how you are gonna react to my lemon. The ladies of The Peen Club, had nothing but faith that I, of all people, would do well. But, I'd like to hear from you. Let me know your thoughts... good, bad, or dirty. I love you readers and try to reply to reviews. The story has but a few chapters left, and it makes me giddy that even one person reads my story. *MAUH* **

**On a lighter not the BA pics Rob and Kristen.. HOLY SHIT! and the VF pics ::heartfail:: Thank you lulu for not only for being a fucktacular beta you are, but for supporting my pervness. I less than three you forever :) Come join us over at Cafe Mom and join the group: "Twilight Saga: Anything Goes" and join me, lulu, summer, vanny, terra and the rest of the pervs... You'll love the Rob Bombs :) lol**


	12. Chapter 12 Departure

**Long ass A/N at the end.**

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BPOV

The weather was particularly crappy when I woke the following morning. I was feeling more than a bit hung over. I opened my eyes, cautiously, taking in my surroundings. I was in my bedroom. I lifted up my covers, taking note that someone put me in pajamas. I sat up in bed, resting my feet over the side of the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, something in the pit of my stomach was afraid to leave the safety of my bedroom; though I couldn't quite remember just why I felt anxious.

I slid out of bed, stepping gently on the cold hardwood floors of my bedroom. Each step toward the bathroom, echoed loudly in my head. "_How on earth can foot steps sound so loud_?" I ask myself. Even the creaking of the door sounded abnormally loud. I turned on the harsh lights, being blinded momentary by pain. I quickly turned them off and pee'd in the dark. I turned on the shower allowing the hot steamy air to clear my mind.

I tested the lights again, this time allowing my eyes time to adjust. Blinking a few times, I removed my pajamas and noticed a large bruise on my hip and some scrapes on my thigh. I thought back to yesterday again, trying to remember what I had done. Nothing but bits and pieces- glimpses of the day appeared, still nothing that would tell me how I harmed myself.

I remembered Edward being an over barring and possessive. In a way I understood his discord, but who was he to tell me what I could and couldn't do? Not that I would ever do drugs, but I had to agree with Alice, I would drink eventually, right? So better to have it be with Edward, then without, right?

Stepping into the shower, the hot water felt relaxing as it eased away the soreness in my shoulders and back. The steam broke my foggy mind after only a few moments and I vaguely remember arriving home last night. Charlie had been working late and if I remember correctly, Renee was waiting up for me when I arrived home from Jasper's house...drunk as a skunk.

I sort of remember begging, pleading, crying, and using guilt to get Renee to not tell Charlie I'd been drinking. If Charlie knew, I'd be grounded for life, which I could not handle. Being away from Edward for a few hours was hard enough. If I had to go for days, I'd go insane.

My stomach dropped with the new enlightenment. "_I wonder if Renee ratted me out? What if she did? Oh God," _I thought. "_I can't face them!"_ My internal bantering went on until I heard a knock on the door. I jumped not expecting anyone to be awake yet.

"Hurry up, honey." Renee spoke softly.

I washed my hair and shaved my legs. As I was washing my body, I pretended my hands were Edward's. Gliding them gently over my breasts and stomach, I grazed my hand over the inside of my thigh and silently moaned. I began to gently rub my clit, soon bringing me to a dull orgasm. The pressure of the blood rushing to my head caused me to become light headed, combined with the weakness in my legs. I had to steady myself on the shower wall. Not as good as Edward's but for now, it'll have to do.

I wrapped myself in a large towel, and quietly opened the bathroom door. I was greeted by a rush of cold air that gave me goose bumps, making the fact that I just shaved one hundred percent, pointless. I heard the water running downstairs, my heart started to pound quickly. _"Was Charlie up? Is he pissed?"_ Damn I should have never cut class. _"Shit, what if they know I cut?" _I calmed down a bit when I heard Renee happily humming.

Glancing out my window, I took note that the rain had turned to a mixture of snow and ice. I involuntarily shivered at the thought of walking outside today. My only motivation for getting dressed just pulled up to my house.

My body tingled with excitement as Edward exited his car. He looked up at my window and I smiled widely at him and he winked back. I left the curtain open, turned, and let the towel drop to the floor. I looked over my shoulder to see Edward's jaw drop and his eyes light up with arousal and something else I had never seen before. In seconds I heard the doorbell ring.

I put on a pair of panties and bra, and stood in my closet getting ready to pull on a pair of jeans from their hanger, when my bedroom exploded with a loud voice. _"What the fuck are you thinking?!" _Edward's voice ricocheted off my skull, causing me to flinch in pain.

"_I'm thinking that you're being really loud and it hurts," _I said, as I pulled the jeans up over my ass.

"_Don't fucking do that shit again. What if someone else saw you? No one is allowed to see that much of your skin...ever. Except me, of course." _he said in a slightly softer tone. I heard him walk over to the closet and he wrapped my almost naked body in his arms. I smiled into his chest and breathed in his boyish cologne and his cigarette smell. I stood basking in the fiery burn trailing over my exposed back. "Get dressed before I can't control myself." He said, as he walked to my bed, mentally singing one of his favorite songs.

I sighed in contempt, instantly missing his touch. I felt his eyes on me as his singing turned to humming. I didn't recognize it, but it sounded sad and beautiful. I was putting on my shoes when his humming gave away to the elegant, heartbreaking sound of the piano. As if he was playing the composed piece on a baby grand.

"That's very beautiful, who plays that?" I asked as I stood up and grabbed my backpack.

"Me," he simply stated with arrogance. As if I anyone else could play something so beautiful. The image of Edward's long fingers tickling the ivory keys of a piano filled my mind. Soon my thoughts lead to me on top of the piano and his long talented fingers tickling another precious ivory. _"Umm." _I said inwardly.

He cleared his throat and smiled knowingly at me. I blushed profusely and opened my bedroom door. Glancing at him standing up from my bed, I couldn't help but notice the very predominate tee-pee in his pants.

Edward walked behind me, opting to take my backpack to cover his... um..._issue_, and went straight to the car. He left me alone, to face Renee and I was mentally hoping he would have a massive case of blue balls by the end of the day. I walked sheepishly into the kitchen. I wish I knew what she was thinking. Man, I took that gift for granted so much. I wonder if I knock myself on the head again, it'll come back?

"Morning dear," Renee said, as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "I made you some pancakes. Chocolate chip- your favorite," she held out a plate full of food at me.

"Thanks Mom, but Edward is waiting for me. I'll grab something in school. Thanks though." I said. The smell of the food was making my upset stomach, roll and twist in all the wrong ways.

"Hangover?" she bluntly asked.

I looked at her with surprised eyes, "I don't know?" I answered in the form of a question. Truth is I don't know what a hangover feels like so how can to be so sure.

"Headache?" she asked and I nodded yes. "Stomach feels like its going to crawl up your throat?" I nodded yes again, embarrassed that Renee is calling me out. "Yep, hangover. I didn't tell your Dad, but if it happens again, he'll find out."

"Okay." I said barely above a whisper.

"And Bella?" I looked up at her, my guilt ridden eyes meeting her understanding ones, "If it does happen again, there will be no more Edward." My heart dropped and tears started forming in my eyes. I turned quickly and ran out to Edward.

EPOV

Jerking off is fucking pointless. I man handled Mr. Poon last night after dropping Bella off, because she so lovingly seduced me even when I was unconscious, and this morning in the shower. That is three fucking nuts in six hours... and now here I sit, on her bed, hard. And what can I do about it? Not. A. Fucking. Thing.

I watched as her eyes not so discreetly ogled my hard on, her devious smile only made my hard cock throb. If Mr. Poon could, I do believe he'd give up his two best friends for any form of release right now. My nuts however, didn't like this idea much.

I rudely exited her house, not even bothering to say shit to Renee. I figured my hard on would be some what inappropriate, so being rude seemed like the lesser of the two evils. When I got in the Volvo I cursed God for making me such a hormonal fuck, which couldn't even be around his girlfriend without looking like a perverted shmuck. I mean seriously, what's it gonna take to please this monster?

I soon saw Bella running out of her house, she looked upset, and my suspicion was answered as soon as she got in the car. _"How could you let me do that shit Edward?! I could have gotten in SO much trouble. What the hell happened last night?"_

I grabbed her hand, not to shut her up, per se, but because I knew my touch calmed her. I wanted to badly to just place her hand on my cock, but I think she might get pissed. "Bella I did not want you to drink." I said smugly. "It was your own idea and pig headedness that got you drunk." I looked over at her smiling like an egotistical bastard. She definitely was not amused by my answer.

"True," she deadpanned. "So what happened? I barely remember hearing you guys talk about me, a drive to somewhere, and then coming home to see Renee standing in the living room."

"Well apparently when you're drunk, your talent comes back. Alice and Jasper fucked with you all night, after they recovered from the shock that both of their friends are circus freaks. You got pissed and called out Alice, which didn't go over to well with Jasper, go figure…"

"Wait, called out Alice?" she asked, interrupting my play by play. I looked over to see her biting her nails and her knee nervously bouncing up and down.

"Uh yeah, apparently teasing you about sex isn't the smartest thing to do." I answered, and she turned a bright red. You sat there so stoically, and calmly said "not all girls give blowjobs in bathrooms at drunken parties." Truth be told, bringing that shit up bothered the fuck out of me, but she reserved the right to bring it up.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry." She covered her face with her hands, one still clenching mine tightly. "How am I gonna face them today? I'm such an ass." She sounded on the verge of tears. I hated when she cried.

"Don't sweat it Bella, at the end of the night, we were all fucking peachy, pigging out on pizza." She looked over at me, her eyes pleading with mine to make her shame disappear.

"Really?" she asked as I pulled into the school's parking lot, parking beside Jasper's truck. I pointed over to his truck, where Jasper had Alice on his lap, kissing her passionately. I was pretty sure she had on a skirt, and I was one jealous fucker.

"Really," I said, laughing at the shade of red she turned when she saw the current state of their relationship.

We exited the Mistress and I was battered by a voice. I fucking love that Bella is with me at school. I fucking hated that I couldn't be permanently sewn to her ass, only part of the reason was the possessive asshole in me, most of it was because I was addicted to her fire and cure. I walked quickly to meet her on her side of the car. _"Her side," _I thought again. I like that.

"_My side what?" _She asked, opening the door the same time I thought this.

"_Nothing, I was just being a sentimental fucktard." _I said with a smile, taking her hand in mine.

"_Oh,"_ she said, letting go of my hand. She turned around to grab my ball cap off the dash board and placing it on her head. I pulled her pony tail out the back. Looking at her wearing my hat, my body filled with pride. See I didn't need to piss on her to claim her; I just needed to drown her in my shit.

"_Here take this, it's getting cold." _I pulled off my jacket, placing it on her shoulders. The hormonal fuck inside me grabbed her around the waist pulling her into my chest. I tipped her chin and pressed my lips hard against hers. She moaned into my mouth as she threw her arms around my neck, she was pulling me in closer now, assaulting my mouth with hers. Tangling her little hands into my hair, I pulled her even closer and rubbed my growing hard-on, on her stomach.

"Hey asshat," I heard Jasper say from behind us. "Wanna borrow the truck?" he laughed.

I broke the kiss from Bella, her face was a flush pink sex color. "Jasper, Alice?" she spoke in a childish whisper. "I'm sorry. Ya know, about yesterday. I was…"

"Bella, don't worry about it. Jasper was being a dick, and well, it was my fault for not telling him to begin with. You have no reason to be sorry." Alice said, as she pulled Bella into a hug. Bella smiled unconvincingly at the two of them.

"I told you to not worry." I whispered in her ear. Pointing to Jasper and Alice's connected hands. "Their relationship is like ours. They love each other regardless of the flaws."

"You don't have any flaws," she whispered in my ear, sending chills down my back. God, I loved this girl.

After our morning smoke, the four of us walked into school, I reluctantly let go of Bella at her first period class. True to my nature, I kissed her with as much passion as I could, warning the other pubescent teenage fucks to back off, she is mine.

"_I bet she's cheating on me, stupid whore."_

"_I want to break up with Eric, he's so lame."_

"_Lauren's ass looks good in those skinny jeans."_

Fuck my life! I tried to follow the "frequencies" as Bella called them, only for my head to being hurting more then it was before. I dug in my pocket, placing the Valium on my tongue and dealt with the fuckers invading my mind. You would think mind reading would be cool as shit... right? Yeah, not so much. I didn't get how Bella missed it. I mean, fuck I'd trade with her any day!

I attempted to listen to the teacher, drone on about seventeenth century poetry, when I heard my name being called over the loud speaker. "_This can't be good_," I thought to myself. I packed up my books, and slung my backpack over my shoulder. I figured I was being called down because of skipping yesterday. _"Bella. Fuck." _I picked up my pace to the office, praying I wouldn't see her there.

I sat uneasily in the hard plastic chair, waiting for the principal to call me back to his office. The secretary was giving me the stink eye and I shifted uncomfortably. Her thoughts however, gave nothing away as to why I was here. I'm not a dumb ass, I'm about ninety-seven percent sure it was ditching school yesterday. The other three percent prayed, to who the fuck ever, that this visit was not about that, if it was, Bella was going to be in deep shit. I seriously need to think shit through before I do it. But then again, that has always been my problem; act now, think later. To hell with the consequences.

"Edward Cullen." He called from his door. I stood, shoving my hands in my pockets and walked slowly to his office. As I turned into his office the voice I heard, was not one I was expecting.

"_This is for the best. This is the right thing to do. He'll be better off once he sees things with a clear mind." _Esme sat in one of the leather chairs, nervously bouncing her knee and fidgeting with her purse.

"Mom?" I questioned. Panic and anger filled my body. _"What the fuck is going on?" _I questioned her inside my mind. The thought that she couldn't hear me escaped my logic as I stood there waiting for an answer that would never come.

"Please sit." Mr. Aro, our principal, gestured toward an open seat next to Esme. I sat hesitantly never taking my eyes off my mother. She looked worn and tired. Her eyes were swollen and blotchy red, and her nose was raw from crying. "Edward, it has come to our attention that you've been skipping classes."

BPOV

I hate school. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. Grant it, I hadn't really enjoyed it before, but it was tolerable. Not anymore. I wanted Edward. I felt anxious and lost without him. I longed to hear what people thought of us being together. I wanted to know if all the girls still wanted him. I wanted to know what the God damned answer was to this question on my pop quiz.

It had been an hour since I'd seen Edward and something in the pit of my stomach gnawed like a dog on a bone. I hurried and finished my quiz, turning it in knowing the likelihood of me passing was close to none. _"What I wouldn't give to have my gift back." _I thought. How ironic is that? My whole life I wanted nothing more to not have it, now I don't, and I want it. This past week has been harder than I thought it would be. I guess my good grades weren't really because of my own intelligence.

The bell rang and I quickly made my way out to the hallway to wait for Edward.

"Oh, sorry," I heard a voice say as she bumped my shoulder from behind, causing me to stumble forward. It was Jessica.

"Watch it." I said, steadying myself. Anger burned in my chest, I hadn't forgotten what she did to me before in bio class. To say my anger toward her was strong was a gross understatement.

She turned, facing me with a snarl, she brought her arm back, my eyes widened as I realized what she was about to do. I dropped my books just as her fist made contact with my right eye. My head jerked back with the force of her punch, causing my head to hit the lockers beside me. I couldn't think straight, I knew I should defend myself, but truth is I didn't know how. I felt her fist hit me again. I did the only thing I could think of, I dropped to the ground and covered my face.

People started crowding around us. Their voices jumbling together, chanting "fight, fight fight…"and then I heard Edward off in the distance. "Bella!"

I felt Jessica being pulled off me, and heard Mr. Banner tell someone to escort her to the office. Edward engulfed me in his arms and held me close to his chest, his touch soothing me with sparks and flames. I finally opened my eyes to see Alice and Jasper kneeling on the floor beside Edward. Standing above us was the beautiful blonde every guy wanted Rosalie, and the gentle bulky football player from bio, Emmett.

"Tomorrow, after school, that girl is mine," Rosalie said, looking at Alice. Alice nodded her head, then Rosalie walked way, Emmett following close behind her.

Edward led me to the nurse where she placed an ice pack over my bruising eye. My head throbbed, and blood seeped from my head where my stitches still were not completely healed.

"I'm sorry I got blood on your hat." I said to Edward. He growled in response. Ever since we made it to the office, he has yet to think of anything but the violent death of Jessica. "Are you mad at me?" I questioned. His face looked angry as he traced circles on my hand.

"Why would I be mad at you?" he sneered, his eyebrows furrowing together. I shrugged my shoulders answering him silently. "I promise I'm not fucking pissed at you, alright." His words were not so comforting, as he rolled his eyes and held his head low.

I couldn't understand his demeanor. Yeah, I get that he's pissed at Jessica, but why is he being so distant? My heart started to beat faster, anxiety gripped my chest, and my head became light with the exceeded amount of blood being rushed to my brain. Of course, how could I have been so naive? "Oh God," I whispered to myself, releasing his hand to grip my chest. I knew he was too good to be true. I was now going to be the laughing stock of school. He wouldn't want to be with me

"_What the fuck?" _His head snapped up looking at me shocked. _"Bella, why in the fuck are you thinking such stupid shit? _

_Seriously, the crude opinions of some piss ants are not going to make me leave you. Do you honestly think so little of me?" _

"_No, I don't think little of you."_

"_Then shut the fuck up with that nonsense."_

"_What's up your ass?!" _I yelled at him looking him directly in the eyes. I knew something was going on, and it was more than just me, for the lack of better words, getting my ass kicked.

"_Can we talk about this later?" _His eyes pleaded with mine. His shoulders slumped in defeat, and if I didn't know better, I would have said Edward Cullen looked liked he was about to cry.

"_No, tell me now, it's not like anyone can hear us." _When he looked at me with such disdain I was afraid I truly did not want to know the answer.

"_My parents are divorcing and I have to move back to New York with Esme." _I sat in shock as a lone tear fell its way down Edward's face.

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**I am sorry for such a long wait for the update. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes you write the chapter four times and delete it. Again I am sorry, and I love you all for waiting for my mind it get into the right state to write. **

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**I've notices the amout of traffic this story recieves, and yet, I get few reviews. If I feel like no one is really reading it, what inspiration do I have to write? So please help me and review...even if it's to say this story fucking sucks hairy monkey balls. I still wanna know. **

**Thanks to my good friend and beta Lulu for making this story make sense. I less than three you hardcore.**


	13. Chapter 13 Karma

**A.N: For all my readers.. I love you hard core! Thanks for reading and for you lovely words! Thank you TheMrsKing for dedicating this day Readers Appreciation Day!**

**This chapter is unbeta'd because its fucking 10:30 at night and wanted to post this today.**

**Jessie-This chapter is for you my lovie! **

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Chapter 13

EPOV

Bella sat there before me bewildered. I sat before her angry at myself for once again hurting her. Earlier in the office, it took all my self control to not run to Bella the moment Esme laid out the fuckary she did.

I shouldn't be surprised really. I mean, how much bullshit can one person take? The entire time of sitting there, reading Esme's mind, I learned that she knew things I didn't even know.

For instance, I have a brother! He is two years old and lives back in New York with his mother who was one of Carlisle's interns. Shocking isn't it?! I felt like I was in a bad infomercial when at the end they say, "but wait, that's not all!", because good ol' Pappy has also gotten a nurse pregnant here in Forks. I have a GREAT fucking role model don't I?

I watched as Bella clenched her chest and tears started falling from her eyes. I leaned over and pulled her to my lap, rocking her gently to sooth her. I did this to her. Perhaps Carlisle is right, I'm only gonna cause her pain and fuck up her life. Maybe me leaving now, is the best thing to do?

But the thought of me leaving, of not having her electric spark, not having her kiss, not having her silence- it was more then I could bare.

"Excuse me you two, break it up." The secretary said to us as she walked by the nurse's station.

"Fuck off." I said, as I stopped holding back and simply felt the pain. I let the tears flow freely as she gripped the front of my shirt tighter, pulling me impossibly closer to her.

Charlie showed up shortly after her and I dried our tears. He was in full uniform and his face taunt with anger. "Jessica Stanley, please." He said to the secretary at the front desk.

"Jessica Stanley please report to the principles office," the nasally voice sounded over the intercom system.

Bella was quiet as we held hands; I could feel her palms become sweaty as Charlie stayed out in the waiting area, jingling his keys. I brought her hand up to my lips, placing a gentle kiss on her knuckles. It didn't help; she was still nervous about Charlie and scared about me.

"Let's go. I'm sure Charlie is going to sign you out anyway." I pulled her up with me. I picked up her backpack walking out of the office against the protest of secretary.

"Dad, Edward is going to take me home, is that okay. I really don't want to be here when Jessica comes," Bella looked down at her feet as she spoke. I hated that shit. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I knew what Rosalie and Alice had planned and damn it, I fucking have to witness that!

"Okay, but go straight home, your mother is already upset. Edward thanks." Charlie said, taking my hand into a firm formal hand shake. I nodded and wisped Bella out to the parking lot to the Volvo.

I knew the ride to her place would be too quick to talk about what needed to be talked about. Instead I gripped the steering wheel with two hands and sang along with the radio to turn Bella out of my mind.

Once we pulled up to her house, Renee was already waiting on the porch with the phone to her ear. When I got out I heard who and what she was talking about.

"_I'll be damned if I'm going to let that little bitch get away with this. No one hurts my baby. I'm sure I can pay a classmate to kick her ass."_

I laughed silently to myself, it was very obvious mama bear was not happy. I opened Bella's car door and quickly wrapped her hand in mine. She looked over at me curiously. I simply shook my head "no", and walked her up to her house.

Renee pulled her out of my grasp, into a warm motherly embrace. My hand instantly missed the comfort of her touch.

"_What the fuck am I going to do without her?" _I questioned myself. Bella's head snapped back looking at me. Her eyes flashed with anguish. I tilted my head toward the door and let myself into her house.

I walked straight up to her room, gripping my hair in my hands. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" the last one coming out a bit louder than I expected. I looked at myself in the mirror she had hanging over her dresser. My eyes were still red and slightly swollen from breaking down like a childish fucktard in the office. _"Fucking dumb ass, can't believe I let her see me like that. I'm supposed to be strong for her, not a blubbering piece of shit."_

"_I would never think you are a blubbering piece of shit. I think it takes strength for a man to show emotion that raw in public. It shows he is comfortable with his manhood."_

"_I'm sorry none the less." _I said back to her as she reached the top of the stairs. Once she was within arms reach, I pulled her to my chest and held on to her as if it were the last time she'd be in my arms.

"I can't let you go. I can't!" I said, softly to her. My chest tightened and tears threatened my eyes again. She is all I have, she is all that I am; how do I live without something the makes life worth living for?

This though sent a lump to my throat. I choked it down, fearing that I would cry again and look like a complete metro. That was Jasper's department, not mine. I never cried so much before, not even losing James, did I cry.

But, losing Bella? That is a whole different level of pain. My body felt wrong, distant from itself, torn down the middle with jagged edges, so that my body would never be the same again.

I felt her body shake under my embrace. "Please," she cried, "Please don't go. I can't live without you. Stay with me, please." Bella gripped my shirt into her fists, begging and pleading for something I really had no control over. It fucking broke my heart.

I pulled her inside the door way, closing it behind me, Renee is just gonna have to get over it. I bent down, placing my arm under her knees, and picked her up to carry her to her bed.

"Renee is going to come up here." Bella protested.

"Shh," I silenced her with a kiss, her soft pink lips setting of sun bursts of heat. She opened her mouth, allowing my tongue in brush forcefully against hers. My hand glided up her leg, over her waist, and found the hem of her shirt. I ran my index finger along the delicate skin of her slightly exposed stomach.

Fuck, I want to taste her there.

She wrapped her hands in my hair, pulling me on top of her. Renee now a distant thought shoved back in both of our heads. I press my weight on her, letting my hips grind into her heated center. I moaned in her mouth and she replied by lifting herself to my cock; gyrating her hips in small circles.

The sound of the old stairs quickly brought up back to the reality of the situation. I righted myself, wiping of my mouth, my heart raced in erratic beats. My cock pulsed with the same rhythm.

"I better go." I said, standing up, adjusting myself awkwardly in front of Bella. "Call you tonight," I bent down and kissed the top of her head, "I love you."

I turned and walked out before I could look like a little bitch again, saving the tears for when I was in the privacy of the Volvo.

Driving home, I turned off the radio and loathed the silence in my head. Bella has become such an intrinsic part of my life, the mere idea of not having her voice swimming inside my head, is unfathomable.

It's wrong and fucked up. It's fate's anarchy at its best. It's God's karma.

As I pulled onto my street I noticed the clothes askew on our front law. Esme was acting straight out of a Hollywood movie and throw King Asshat's clothes out their second floor bedroom window. I pulled into the drive way, parked my car next to Carlisle's, and walked into what was sure to be world war motherfucking three.

"No Carlisle, I do not want to hear your explanation! I want you to fucking leave until Edward and I move out!" I heard Esme yelling from upstairs and a loud thump sounded from out front.

"You can't leave! I won't allow it! Edward is my son too and you simply can not just take him away. Please let me explain." Carlisle pleaded back.

Fuck this shit. I am almost 18 mother fucking years old. I should at least have a fucking say in where I fucking live. I choose Forks.

A few months ago, those words would have never even entered my mind, but now…

"Since when do you care about Edward? Shit Carlisle, do you care about any of you children!"

"I love my son! How dare you suggest that I don't?!" Carlisle yelled loudly. It was followed by the sound of glass smashing.

"Let go of me! Get off!"

I ran up them taking two at a time. I rushed into my parent's bedroom to find that Carlisle had Esme by the shoulders, pushed up against the wall. The floor was littered with red roses, water, and a broken vase.

Grabbing Carlisle by the neck, I held him into a tight head lock cutting off his airways. It took about thirty seconds for him to pass out and I let him fall to the floor. He was still breathing and he'd come through really soon.

"Let's go, Mom." I held my hand out to her and we left the room, leaving Carlisle to wake alone.

We went to the local mom and pop place, not wanting to stay in the house. Esme's thoughts where scattered. They went from sad to angry, relieved to sorrowful. As much as I wanted to, right now I simply could not break her heart more by telling her I wanted to stay in Forks with Bella.

I'm an asshole but not a fucking asshole. Okay, I'm a fucking asshole, but not to my mother- never to my mother.

But what if we both stayed here? What if we made Carlisle look like the massive prick he was to the hospital board? He'd lose his job and have to leave and Esme could get it all…meaning, I could stay with Bella.

"Mom, let's not leave," I blurted out to her as she sipped her diet coke. "You can make this an ugly ass divorce, King Asshat could lose his job, and you in turn would get everything."

"Don't call your father names. Regardless of what he's done, he's still your father."

"Fine, take Carlisle to the cleaners." I revised. She gave me a potent look, raising her eyebrow at me.

"I love the way you think my son. I'll have to contact the attorney back in New York." She raised her glass, I raised mine and we toasted to fucking over King Asshat.

Esme made conversation, asking about Bella, school, and other random shit. I appeased her and chatted mindlessly with her. In the middle of our talk, I felt my phone vibrating.

"It's Bella, can I?" I asked. Esme smiled- I smiled back, "Hey love."

"Are you alright? You never called me and it almost eight!" I couldn't help but smile wider.

"Yeah, my mom and I are at the diner…"

"Oh, how odd, we are in the parking lot." I turned to look out the window of our booth, and I'd be damned, Charlie's cruisers' headlights had just turned off.

"See you in a sec then," hang up with Bella I told Esme the Swan's were going to be joining us.

Charlie pulled a chair over, allowing Bella and I to share a booth seat and Renee and Esme the other. We were all talking amongst ourselves when we heard the door chime ring. Esme stiffened, and I turned to see Carlisle enter the diner.

"Damn." Esme said softly.

"Esme, we need to talk. Please hear me out." Carlisle said, as he ran toward our table.

Charlie stood up, "Is there a problem here Dr. Cullen?"

"No, I just want to speak to my wife." Carlisle spat rudely. I noticed the vein in Charlie's neck protruded, a tall tell sign that he was pissed.

"I don't want to speak to you, please leave." Esme said, looking directly into Carlisle's dark, bloodshot eyes.

"NOW!" Carlisle yelled, causing the other four pardons in the diner to turn. Carlisle tried to pass Charlie. Charlie stopped him. Carlisle drew back and hit Charlie square in the face.

"Carlisle!"

"Dad!"

"Charlie!"

The three women yelled at the same time. I just smiled knowing good ol' pappy, was about to get rocked.

Charlie, with full force, hit Carlisle back, causing a loud cracking sound to resonate through the diner. Carlisle's fell, hitting his head on the wooden table behind us, and finally resting in a puddle of blood that was escaping from his mouth and nose.

"Come on," I pull Bella from the booth; Renee grabbed Esme's hand to leave. Esme stopped next to Carlisle, standing at his feet. She drew back and kicked Carlisle in the balls.

I kissed Bella good night and promised to pick her up in the morning. As Esme and I pulled out of the parking lot, an ambulance and Forks one other police sheriff pulled in to the diner.

At home, while Esme continued to throw out Carlisle things, I sat at the piano and played her favorite piece. It was the first time I played for her in over a year.

* * *

Okay, so if you haven't heard over at Twitter there are nightly twilight fanfic read along, come join us! You must- I repeat MUST read The Sound of Your Voice by Marie0912! It's in my favs!

Review Review Review (I'm seeing more people are favoriting the story and not reviewing.. this makes me a very sad panda). *mauh*


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